Simon Cowell's MY Idol!

Wednesday night was, just as predicted, the biggest night of the year for pop music. Every year there's one evening when America comes together to experience musical greatness. Too bad for the Grammy's that show happened to be American Idol.

Despite the fact that the legendary awards show was jam-packed with great talent and a star-studded audience, not a damn person watched it. According to the latest Nielson ratings, the only demographic that tuned in were the nominees' moms. And to all the winners that thanked God, he wasn't watching. He had Jesus Tivo it for him. He was to busy, like the rest of the planet, watching America's guiltiest pleasure.

American Idol was into Hollywood Hell week. Which is apparently, a weeklong test of talent, nerves, and groveling. Everyone was begging for a second chance. Or giving some lame-ass reason as to why they couldn't sing at their best. Anyway, crazy Dave didn't make it through, but the awkward Rain Main type guy did.

Congrats Kelly Clarkson on winning a couple of trophies. And for everyone giving her shit about not thanking American Idol in her speeches, RELAX. She's trying to separate herself from the show. She doesn't want to be thought of as "that American Idol girl." You don't see Jay-Z thanking the Marcy projects' talent show that got him popular in his hood. Or Sheryl Crow thanking the bums on Santa Monica Boulevard for listening to her play when she had no one else. It's just a means to an end. And American Idol doesn't need the publicity. Especially since twice as many people saw the show that she forgot to mention than saw her not mention it.

Grammy's? Destroyed. Olympics? You're next.

p.s. Bonus: Judging Kelly Clarkson's nip slip. funny

Hooray for the Steelers, ABC, and Old People Everywhere

My boys did it again. The Pittsburgh Steelers have won their fifth NFL title. Some say the refs had some questionable calls that called the game. But Pittsburgh had them the whole time. Final score 21-10.

Did I ever tell you how I became a Pittsburgh fan? Remind to tell you one day. ABC should be happy too. With 90.7 million estimated viewers, this was the most watched Super Bowl since 1996 when, yes, my Steelers played.

Super Bowl ads were pretty good this year. Budweiser bought 10 spots for 26 million dollars. Damn. And they weren't that good. Most of them involved violence in a weird unnecessary way. The one with the magic refrigerator was pretty funny. It got the highest rating at AdBowl. If you want to see them definitely check out iFilm. They have every commercial that aired. Even the movie previews. Pretty thorough. Let me know which ones you liked.



The music was cool. Well... the half-time show was cool, but what was up with that national anthem. It sounded like shit in a tin can. I still don't know how Aaron Neville still gets invited to sing anywhere. You can't understand a damn thing he's saying. And Aretha Franlkin should just relax and enjoy what she's done. Where's Beyonce when you need her.



The Rolling Stones rocked out. They looked like a bunch of geriatric patients, but Mick Jagger's still got it. He's cool. His age has made him a little awkward, but he still slipped into those tight ass jeans and did his shit. Respect.

The Flavor of Psychosis

Flavor of Love is sometimes sexy, sometimes annoying, and always tempting to watch. It's like The Bachelor on crack with a side of chicken wings. Last week's episode was hilarious. It's going to be on reruns all week. Check it out.

Hoopz is clearly the best choice. She has a good head on her shouldes. She's really cute. She has a great body that she obviously takes care of. The rest of the girls are basket cases. Crazy, chubby, aging, annoying basket cases. Half of them need to be Baker-Acted immediately. Just imagine 5 female Danny Bonaduces chasing after Flavor. And there's no way you can resist enjoying 5 train wrecks.

Waiting...

I kept postponing the return of the blog. Making up different excuses as to why I wasn't ready. But I realize, there is none. Well, maybe a minor one; I hate my goddamn computer and want to kill myself whenever I look at it. But other than that there is no good reason why I shouldn't be letting yall in on what's been going on in my world. And plus, the computers here at FAU are wicked fast and make me smile when I see them.

Have you seen this story? story
I smell bullshit. The terrorists must be in a pickle. If they were going to do something they would just do it. They're barking too loud. They prob don't have shit. Orrr... I'm completely wrong and we're all doomed. One or the other.

Take curr.

Merry Christmas

Greetings free thinkers! Long time no chat. Where've you been hiding? Well anyways, I've been traveling down the treacherous road of home ownership. Yep, I got in the fast lane of do-it-yourself projects and savvy decor. I even embarked on some furniture building. Note to visitors: don't touch the entertainment center, it'll crash down at the slightest touch.

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukah, Happy Kwanzaa, and Happy New Years. Or I could just say... hmm let me think, oh yeah, Happy Holidays! Happy Fucking Holidays to all!

Keep checking in, 2006 is going to be an exciting year. We have a lot to look forward to, a possible troop withdrawal in Iraq, an extension of the controversial Patriot Act, and best of all, all-new episodes of the O.C. Stay tuned!

Junior's House Party

Friday night, Junior invited me to his pad for a b-day jam. It's not actually 'his' pad, the parents were away for the weekend (yes, very high-schoolesque). I was more unsure about it than Ludacris at a country bar. I called Pablo up and we headed out there.

I was expecting testosterone overkill. A couple of guys sittin on a couch. Maybe a few playing Xbox in the other room. You know, some gay-ass, homosexual bullshit. I was gonna say hi, do some PR, and dip out as soon as no one was looking.

So we pull up and have to park about four houses down because there so many cars around his house. I hear the salsa music from the front lawn. We walk in and the party is jumping off and out and all over the place. Latinos everywhere. And surprisingly about half of them are chicks. And most of them were cuties. I had to get my game-face on. We found our way to the bar (read: the kitchen table) loaded with empty bottles of good liquor and half-full bottles of some questionable shit. It was like 'Jose's Loco Vodka' or something. A real buzzkill until I looked towards the back of the kitchen where a pot of gold, or should I say, keg of gold was sitting silently waiting for me to approach her. She was the most beautiful creature there. No one was getting any beer, so I asked if she was dry already. I got no answer. In fact, I don't think they even knew what it was exactly (I know, veird). Maybe if there was a Corona sticker on the side it would've been different. Alas, she was as wet as Kelly Clarkson's ass at the VMA's. Let the partying officially begin!

After a keg stand, the social lubricant began doing its work. I met a few cuties and did some PR with Junior and his brothers. Everyone was dancing so you know I had to show them how Knight7 works it. Junior came out to the dance floor too. Someone started to chant 'Go junior, go Junior.' And oddly enough, it sounded a lot like him. We realized it WAS him! We were thinking 'who starts their own chant?' I thought it was something your friends did to cheer you on. And he was really getting into it 'Come on yall, go Junior, go Junior.'

And all this while a guy was playing what I think was a musical instrument. It kinda looked like a round cheese grater. And he had what looked like a fork in his hand. I think that's what they played with when Spanish music was first invented back in the 1400's. Spanish people really stick to their roots. I wanted to go outside and get some branches that I could hit together to join the band.

All in all, it was a great success. A multi-cultural partying experience. And a history lesson! All for free. You can't beat that with a bat. Or a branch.

Pablo's Birthday Bash

Actually it was like the fourth or fifth time we celebrated his b-day this weekend. I think he's all birthdayed out. It was like Pablo's birthday weekend bash. Saturday we hit Bradley's, Sunday it was another wild night at Safari, Monday was V-Ball Day, and if that wasn't enough celebration, we went to Resort last night. Yippie!

It was a cool night. We had a good time. The music was bumpin, the chicks were dancing, the drinks were flowing- well... not exactly. Our retarded waittress was too busy gettin wasted to get us our drinks. It's all right, we let her know how we felt when it came time to tip. ;)

The Real World was even out there. Apparently they were evacuated from their filming location: Key West cause of the hurricane. It was pretty weird to see them filming around our hood. I realized that it would almost be impossible for a guy on that show not to get ass. Every chick in the building was staring at the dudes. They could've been lepers and chicks would've just convinced themselves that they were just freckles.

The night ended the perfect way- a fresco melt from Steak & Shake. So here's to many more happy birthdays and happy endings. ;)
































(More pics at Danielle's Photobucket)

V-Ball Day 2.0!

If there was a lesson to be learned from V-Ball Day 1.0, it's that endurance drinking is entirely possible. I did it the right way this time though, start slow; end strong. Everyone got there around one. It was mostly the usual suspects, the Nicks, the Mikes, The A-Team. But the star of the show was the keg. The keg stands started pretty early. Then came the funnel. I was sipping my water and saw the drunkeness slowly coming over everyone. Especially Jose. He went from unfunny, to annoying, to obnoxious, to fucking hilarious.

[Random Jose Line]

Ashley: God, I'm geting drunk.
Jose: So...
Ashley: Well, I work with you guys!
Jose: Really!? Oh shit dude. I think I'm trippin man.

Camilio came through with the grub. He was slaving over the grill the whole day. Big-ups yourself. The chicken kabobs went off like gangbusters. Much better than last time when chef JR cooked up some questionable hamburgers from the mystery meat market. Everyone loved the Jello shots. Well... not exactly. Jello shots are an odd party item. They're cool by design. The idea of having Jello shots is usually better than actually swallowing one. Thats probably why half of them ended up on the floor.

And speaking of having fun. Someone had the bright idea of bringing some nerf-type footballs that can be drenched in water. It was funny at first. But after a while it was a fucking war zone. All the chicks moved out of the way while the guys stayed and tried to take each others' heads off. And you know I couldn't have the girls leave, so I had to can that one. Next someone brought out some little water guns. They filled them with every liquid in the area. Pool water, beer, apple juice, rancid liquor, and who knows what else. It was fun at first, but again, it got way out of hand. You couldn't go anywhere without being ambushed from a thousand different directions. Half the time I didn't even know who was squirting me. I had to can that one too. I got to thinking, is there anything that can be introduced to this party that won't get out of hand? I wanted to bring out a crochet set, but then imagined the guys eventually trying to stab each other in the neck with the needles.

The after party (yeah, we don't know how to stop) at Krissy's was jumping out too. She hooked it up with the pony keg. which lasted about 30 minutes so that was cool.

Camilio hooked it up with the birthday cake. Pablo was happy, so it was a great success. I'm pretty sure everyone had a good time. All in all, I was happy with the turn out. Now, I'm wondering how to top this one. I know! No freakin water guns!




Awards:

Most obnoxious drunk: Jose. There really is no slight buzz with him. It's either sober or running around screaming racial and sexist epithets.

Hottest body: Heather. That flower bikini fit them curves just right. Nuff said.

Most embarassing drunken moment: Lola spraining her ankle. She was running around being a goof and fell down. Sam tried to pick her up. She jumped up and apparently forgot how to plant her two feet on the ground and busted her ass.

Best body on the V-Ball court: Mike B. The guy must've been keeping up on his crunches. (I'm sure he got some sexy-time with abs like that)

Most annoying couple: JR and Lola. If I hear them fight over something stupid again, I'm gonna hemorrhage. Lola, "Where are you going?" JR"What does it matter?" Lola" Why do have to be like that?" JR"Why do YOU have to be like that?" Somebody shoot me, please.

Most improved: Danielle and Krissy. I guess Vegas exposure did them well. They were looking hot, and surprisingly friendly. It was good to see momma mingling with the common folk. I think she even played some V-Ball. No counter dancing though :( And good looking out ladies with the after-party. Nice bed too.


(editor's note: Turns out the girls got a full keg too. No ponies here.)




























(more pics at Danielle's Photobucket)

Racist Mofoes Get It Crash DVD Review A-

This is one of those movies that is really about something. It has something that it wants to say. Amid the onslaught of mainstream hollywood fare, it is a surprise that such a movie would make the cut. And even with it's virtually unanimous critical praise, it went unnoticed through the multiplex. It has since seen a breath of resurgence as it was released to DVD and made into the shelves of video rental outlets.

As with 'Collateral', Crash captures the vibe of Los Angeles. The characters seemed so true. The script by 'Million Dollar Baby's Paul Haggis, brought each character to life. Their lives intertwine and come together with ironical twists and heart-breaking judgements. I loved it. You won't be disappointed. Easily one of the top ten of the year so far.A-

Some Reviews
The New Yorker
Entertainment Weekly
LA Weekly

Trailer

1-0 Baby!

At first I thought driving 5 hours to see a football game is crazy. I was about to tell my brother to forget it. But goddamn it if it wasn't worth it.

We got there in pretty good time. We hung out with some tailgaters. Checked out some of the university bunnies (FSU chock-full of them, *wink wink* MeanGirl582). I even got to do the 'Sink A Hurricane' contest. Where you throw balls at a target and try to sink a guy with a Hurricanes jersey on. I sunk him- after spending like ten bucks of course.


The game was off the hook. Miami was offensively better, but our defense kept them at bay. It went down to the final minutes. Miami got down to the 2 yard-line. They went for a field-goal, but fumbled the ball and couldn't kick. The stadium erupted. I flipped the fuck out. Me Julie is prob the only person that has seen me lose my mind when happy. I was screaming like a madman. I even turned to this cute girl that was sitting by us and gave her the biggest hug. Her boyfriend didn't appreciate it though. I went to give him a high five; I thought he was gonna punch me in the face.

Too bad we couldn't stay for the after-parties- my bro had to work in the morning. I was in such a good mood; I would've probably made an FSU chick very happy that night. Oh well, we got FSU-UF at the end of the season. I never banged a gator before...