New York, New York

I'm back! New York was a great time. I packed about forty sweaters getting ready for the cold. It was fifty degrees though when I got there. Everyone was looking at me thinking, "What the hell is he getting ready for?" I looked like I was heading to the North Pole.

I went to seet he Color Purple on Broadway. It was pretty good, and I HATE musicals. But these people sung so well that it kind of made up for the boredom. Being someone that deals with singers on regular basis, I could appreciate having a group of people that talented. Not one off note. Not ONE! They sang about twenty songs perfectly. It was worth the $26 tickets. Oh yea my sister opted for the cheap seats.

And of course it was none other the last highest point and farthest row back. It's weird sitting in your seat with nothing but storage closets behind you while you're squinting at the stage about a hundred meters away. The technicians in the rafters were looking back at us like, "Damn I can barely see those people!"

My aunt came with us. Which would've been cool had she not had a cold that came with the weirdest coughing I've ever heard. It was like a mixture repeatedly clearing her throat and coughing groggily under her breath. She sounded like a dying horse. So I'm sitting in these terrible seats watching a boring musical with my aunt deciding to sit next to me heezing and clearing her throat every five minutes. She fell asleep about an hour into it so people finally stopped glaring at us.

Luckily not many people showed up and we were able to scoot up to a much better view. After the first act ended and the lights came up and we started moving up my aunt said, almost on cue from a Monty Python skit, "Why are you guys sitting down?"
"Auntie?! So we can see better!"
"See what, it's finished. Let's go home."

Everyone just started laughing. I don't think anyone really explained it to her. She just shrugged and went back to sleep.

My sister stopped to get a bite at the TGI Fridays in Times Square. I called her and had her order me a burger. It was a bit overcooked but wasn't that bad until I got the bill. I thought I'd never see this line item at Fridays: Burger...........16.99. Ouch.

I did a little more sight-seeing, and had a few adventures with Alaska. Oh and I met a few nice girls out there. That's about it. If you want to hear about all that read on, if not you can go now. I'll see you later.

Alaska's crazy! And he's got crazy friends that all seem to be supermodels. Everyone in his circle is good-looking. I met him at a swank eatery. I was so happy to see him that I blew past the hostesses to find him. Come to find out the head hostess is his girlfriend. Oops. "My bad, sweetie." We have a glass of wine and head out the door. I reminded him that we didn't pay. He got a good laugh out of that one.

We all go out on the town. And apparently he's been doing his PR, cause we got whisked to the front of the line to every club we went to. I got the feeling that the only way he was going to drink was if the club bought him one. So we left a few then found a place where we were offered a few bottles of Grey Goose. I think it was called Lotus.

That's where I met Jackie and I think the other was named Rachel. Rachel seemed to want to take about a hundred pictures with me, but Jackie wanted to get closer. We took pictures, danced, tickled each other, and later chilled on the couch. She leaned in and said, "You know, there's something about you that got me hooked..." Ooh do tell. Is it my height? The rapist wit? Smooth operating ways??? "Your scarf. It's amazing." Anti-climactic, but I'll take it.

I was wandering around midtown and got a bit lost. I turned to my right to ask the next person I saw where the hell the train station was. I sensed someone behind me so I said, "Hey, how do I get to the sub..." Then my eyes focused on what I was looking at. She was gorgeous. Absolutely stunning. She had Beyonce's creamy skin tone. She had a tan overcoat on that seemed to be keeping her real warm. She smiled, "Subway? Right down this street. I'm actually heading down there right now. I'll walk you." Uhh. "Thanks." It's all I could think of.

But while Pierre was speechless, PR jumped in and went to work. I'm not sure what he was saying but the exchange something like: mumble, mumble, mumble from PR followed by a punctuated laughter from her. This went on until we got to the subway. PR got her number and said that we might hang out that night.

We met up later that night and had a nice dinner. And by nice I mean Mexican. And by dinner I mean tasteless pork tacitos. But I had a Dos Equis Amber. God I swear that's got to be on my top five list of beers. Some beers put their signature in their after taste, some in their up front texture. XX hits you mid sip. Absolutely great. Oh yea, the girl. Well her mouth was moving, and then mine moved. Basic convo. After we yappity yapped for a while. She asked me a question, and then I gave her an answer but asked her it backed, and because of her answer the attraction totally died. From that point on it just didn't feel right. Next time you see me, ask me about what she said.

We parted and I went to find Alaska. I squeezed into the packed pub and one of the waittresses smiled at me but I was trying to find the guys. He was with some friends. And he said right away that I need to catch up to them. Then a waitress brings three shots to me. and I was ordered to take them sans a break. And yea it happened to be the waittress from when I walked in. And she looked disappointed. As you can prob tell where this is going. I was supposed to recognize her from the last time I came to NY and met her. Ouch. Did it again. "My bad, babydoll."

We went from spot to spot and then we ran into a club that Alaska didn't any love from. Any. After they didn't allow us entry Alaska did what any self-respecting local would do, he flicked a lit cigar at the front-door guy. It was beautiful. The lit ambers went all over his suit. Nice!

I saw more stuff and got into more adventures. Some that were pretty hilarious. I just don't feel like writing any more. And you've done enough reading. Thanks for sticking it out. If we see each other out I'll tell you everything. Even about how I slept with rats*; jumped off of the NBC building*; got punched by a protestor*; and how I got kicked out of Hooters*. lol No I didn't grope the girls. I gently got their attention by tapping them where I knew they'd respond.

* almost
(editor's note: We apologize for any typos. This document has not proofread at all.)

Quick Movie Review: Casino Royale

You can tell from the start that this Bond is different from the rest. He kicks some guy's ass in a bathroom, then drowns him in the sink. At the same time we see him kill off another guy in the smoother, classy-silencer style. When asked if he would like his martini shaken or stirred he snapped back, "Do I look like I give a damn." He didn't seem to give a damn about anything. It was cool to see that side of Bond.

He goes on to action sequence after action sequence. I want to look up how much this movie costed exactly. Buildings crumbling, indoor floods, car chases, construction site chases. They really squeezed a lot of stuff into the pic. And I swear I've never seen anyone run so much. I think they officially brought back the foot chase. And what was up with the first guy he chased!? A human monkey is the only way to describe it. That guy did enough acrobatics to make Jet Li and Jackie Chan embarrassed.

The love interest played by the gorgeous French actress, Eva Green, was nice. She's hot and she had the wit going for her. Her make-up looks ridiculous at first, but just wait for the scene where she's getting ready for the poker game. She has no makeup and looks hot as hell.

The plot got a little too complicated for the kind of movie that it was. And you could've easily took a half-hour out of it and would've never noticed. I was really into it so I didn't mind the time, but I could see how it could be an issue for some ADD people.

Casino Royale introduced the new Bond as we see him acheive his double-o status. I can't wait for the next one. A



Trailer
Reviews
Official Website

Gym Musings

I've been doing great going to the gym lately. And when I go I notice a lot of stuff. Some good, some bad; but always interesting (of course).

Guys Staring

We all know guys gawk at girls. They've even done studies on it. story But it's multiplied at gyms. Guys stare at EVERYTHING with a pulse. Fat, skinny, tall, short, black, white, green, crippled, everything! They even stare at me. Yes. Not in a gay way or anything; they just stare. It's a blank look. I bet if you hooked their brains up to a cat scan you would see nothing lighting up as they stare around the room. "I see people. People all around me. Look at the people." And forget about when a chick is in decent shape. They will find machines near them and stare until the girl can't ignore them anymore and move to another machine or just give up and leave. Some days when they watch me walk in and head towards the pull-up bars, I want to stop and ask them why the hell are their eyes glued to me. You start think you forgot to put your shorts on, again.

The Music

I forgot my iPod the other day and had to listen to the gym PA musak feed. Who the hell is picking the music at gyms! It was the gayest crap I have ever heard in my life. It was like one long Queer Eye intro. The whole time working out I kept thinking about how my drapes don't match my bed spread. It's the worst techno that you have ever heard. Moral of the story: don't forget your music.

Slow Progress

I know I'm supposed to be patient but, I haven't seen one lick of progress since I've started 3 months ago. I actually got pissed when I saw a guy doing dumbbell bench presses with 100lb weights in each hand. Was I pissed that he could do it and the best I could do were 40 pounders? Nope. I was pissed that he almost looked exactly like me! So you mean to tell me after I bust my ass and workout for a year and can do the heavy weights I'm gonna look like that scrawny bastard. What the hell did I sign up for!? Anybody got some HGH I could shoot into my ass? And everyone always says, "Well you'll be happy when you're forty and start to fill out and everyone else will be fat." Yeah, but now I'm skinnier than an eleven year-old girl scout! My future possible looks won't have any bargaining power with bunnies now. "Baby, there may not be much now, but you'll be glad you stuck with me in twenty years when I fill out."

All in all, you get used to working out and start to feel weird when you don't. So I'll stay faithful. Thin and faithful, PR in a nutshell. A long, skinny nutshell.

My Radio Adventure

I was on the radio today! But I kind of screwed it up though.

They were talking about the Borat movie and the frat guys that filed a lawsuit cause they looked like a bunch of idiots. The host said for anyone that saw the movie to call in and tell him what the guys said since he hadn't seen it yet.

I was stoked and dialed right away. I figured they'd never get to me, or if they did it would be after like a half-hour of waiting. hey answered right away and the screener put me through:

"We have Pierre on the mobile!"
"Uhh...hey guys."
"So Pierre, you saw the movie, tell us what did the guys say?!"
"Umm...they like said a bunch of offensive stuff."
"Wow, I bet! What kind of stuff did they say?"
I totally blanked out. I couldn't remember anything.
"You know...I really don't remember exactly, but uhh..."
"Did they make fun of Jews?"
"Yea, there was some Jewish stuff in there."
"And women?"
"Yea, yea some mean stuff about women."
They realized I didn't know shit.
"So Pierre, this movie has been banned in certain cities. And it only opened in about 800 theaters, why do you think that was? Is there really offensive stuff in there.
Finally, something I knew.
"Well, it was Fox that backtracked with the opening. The movie didn't screen well, so Fox scaled back the opening."
"Okay, because it has done really well in the opening week."
Some co-host, "Yea it opened above every other film."
Dead line.

They didn't even say bye. Anyways, I need to get better on the spot. My heart was pounding and my voice got weak. I was thinking of trying some kind of public speaking course or something. A lot of people who know me don't know that I have real trouble speaking in front of people.

The thing I don't understand is that I used to do it for a living. I used to do door-to-door sales and I had to chat with strangers all day long. I totally lost the vibe. I'll get it back. Holler.

My Hero

I don't know what I would do with out this laptop. I'm sitting in Human Resources Management now and I would blow my brains all over this desk if I didn't have the net to keep me company. Which brings me to what I wanted to talk about: Heroes.

The newest NBC "hit" is gaining a pretty big fan base, and I'm giving it a chance before I bash it. I'm almost done with the second episode and I can't believe how unwatchable the show is. I'll just say the most irritating thing about it, so as to not make this a bitchfest.

The overacting, the overacting, the overacting!! And a new word for me; overwriting. How could you show a studio exec a script like this and get a green light?!?!?!

Chick walks into an art studio. A rough-looking guy is pacing the room frantically.
"Stop it! Get away from me!"
"What?! What's wrong?"
"I can't believe this happened!"
"Can't believe what happened?"
"It just doesn't make sense!?"
"John, what's going on."
"Not what's going on, what's already HAPPENED!"
He shoves a painting in her face
"So, it's just a painting."
"Yea, of a terrorist bombing on a bus in Israel."
"Okay..it looks pretty good."
"LOOK AT THIS!"
He now shoves a newspaper article in her face
"The same terrorist bombing! I made that painting three weeks ago!"
"It's just a coincidence."
"Until you look at the number on the bus."
The camera slowly zooms in on the number in the newspaper as the music gets louder and more dramatic. Then an extreme close-up on her face. And an extreme EXTREME close-up on the painting with the same number.

You would honestly tell me that you wouldn't throw those people out of your office? Or at least order an immediate rewrite with a writer that could turn down the volume just a bit. We can't make it a little more subtle.

Heroes fans, when you watch this weeks episode pay attention to a few things for me. I haven't seen it but I already know a few things that you'll see. The most obvious one will be one character in the midst of some hurried activity like the example above. And there will be someone trying to tell them something. They will ignore the person and keep doing whatever they're in the middle of until the other character makes some activity altering statement. It'll go something like this.

"John, I have to tell you something."
"I don't know what to do."
"John, listen to me."
"That weird event that just happened to me is unexplainable"
"John! I turned on the tv today from my couch!"
"So...that happens all the time. There are more serious things happening in the world."
"Yea, but I DIDN"T USE THE REMOTE!"
Cue the dramatic overture!!!!!

I could easily fill this web page with the problems with the show; the uber serious narration, the pretentiousness, the acting, the directing, even the lighting sucks!

Big Shouts

My life ain't all that bad; and there are a few people that deserve recognition for keeping me going. Now it's time to thank all the people that made my life better last week.

First shouts go to Denise, Natalie, and JR for throwing sick Halloween parties. Denise as Rainbow Brite was nice, at least until another chick came to the party with the same costume. Oooh wee. Denise bitched about it then said, "She's lucky I'm drunk." Then the chick was bitching at her friends later and said, "You know, she's lucky I'm drunk!" Interestingly enough, alcohol STOPS fights between chicks. If we guys could only be so lucky. Jumby Bay was rocking; then I had to check out Natalie and the rest of the Boners out in the middle of nowhere; sorry I meant in Royal Palm Beach.

Shouts to Joel for putting me on to some new shows. 1 vs. 100 is a sweet new game-show. I like trivia shows, and Ken Jennings makes a guest appearance. And Studio 60 is solid. And it's a good thing that all of the majors jumped on the online tv bandwagon. You can watch pretty much any new show from the networks online. I'm watching Shark now. Good show. Oh, and Fox's Standoff is slightly watchable.

Big shouts to Peyton Manning for running a two-minute drill like he was in a scrimmage game. And to the Oregon State Beavers for unseating the USC Trojans in the biggest upset this year.

I wonder who's going to come through for me this week?

Dvrrrrgh!

The dvr people need to come up with a better technology. Or more specifically, go ahead and move the dvr thing along further. I can only record two things at the same time. There are too many shows to check out. I can't be put in the position of picking just two of them! Let's get cracking geeks. Get off the World of Warcraft mission and start PROGRAMMING!

TV Land

Ever since 24 came out and introduced what I call the continous season. Every other show is copying them like the spineless sheep that they are.

Were you one of the people like me that tried to start watching 24 halfway through the season? Yea I know, you can't enjoy it. You sit there the whole time wondering what the hell is going on! It's like walking into the middle of a movie.

What ever happened to the "episode." Remember those? Did anyone care when they missed half of a season of Quantum Leap?! Of course not. Everything you needed to know was in the intro. And what about Macgyver and the A-Team and Knight Rider. Solid tv that didn't require a dissertation about nuances of each characters journey.

I'm watching the NBC show 'Heroes' right now and I don't have a clue what's going on. And from what I see so far, I'm not missing much. Basically, some people have superpowers and are trying to save the world. Okay, it's not original, but it's workable. And it don't look like they're working it right.

The overacting!? Can someone turn the dial down just a little please. Holy shit, the cop guy's girlfriend should be fired before she destroys another scene.

And another thing, I'm starting to HATE the mysterious guys in the suits. Does EVERY goddamn show on tv have to someone's 'agents' working on some conspiracy to undermine the efforts of the stars.

But I won't be too harsh. (lol maybe too late) I'll give it a chance. Maybe I'll sign up for an online tutorial about why Japanese guy's so weird, and why the invincible girl is wasting her powers on a school bully. Yawn.

That's why I watch Boston Legal. Because it knows that it is a ridiculous show. But it doesn't care. It knows that tv nowadays is a complete waste of Americas time. And if I'm going to waste my time, i'm going to do it with William Shatner. God I love that guy.

Heroes official site
Boston Legal official site

Borat at the Animal Hospital

Hows about a deleted scne from the Borat movie. Only a few more weeks of waiting. clip

Quick Movie Review: The Departed A-

All I got to say about this movie is that Leonardo DiCaprio can act his ass off. Seriously. He's unbelievable. Somebody get him a 'Best Actor' nod, pronto! And sorry, Marty, no best director this year. The only way Martin Scorsese will win an Oscar for that is if nothing really good comes out for the rest of the year.

As a narrative, it's solid. It's filled with twists and turns that'll keep you on your feet. And you are going to love the third act.


The acting is really the star of show. The cast includes: Matt Damon, Leonardo DiCaprio, Jack Nicholson, Mark Wahlberg, Alec Baldwin, and Anthony Anderson. And that's just off the top of my head.

It doesn't beat out Heat or Goodfellas. But nice. I'm going to watch it again if that says anything about how good it is. A-

Reviews
Trailer