Danielle as The Bad Girl Belle of the Ball
Pablo as The Guy
Krissy as The Lovesick Puppy
and Pierre in dual roles as the Babysitter and Temporary Ladies Man
Last year, we rocked it out for Danielle's birthday. We grabbed a bunch of people, crammed them in a Hummer limo and headed to South Beach. We had such a good time that we decided to try at it again. Why didn't we learn our lesson the first time.
First off, as soon as I get there, I see Ashley stumbling around the house; but I pass it off as everyone already a little buzzed. There were some new faces. I guess some new Smokey Boners. Most of them were guys though. :(
The limo looked hot. The same kind of stretch hummer. But this one had the back part opened. Imagine the pic below, but stretched out.
The bed of the truck came in handy with storing the beer and jello shots from hell.
The drinks started pouring and the trip had officially begun. Too bad for Ashley it was already over. About a half-hour into it she said she wanted to go home. I was thinking, girl you better have some friends in Boca cause we aint turnin around. Luckily they had her sit next to me, so I could hang out with her the whole way down.
So she feels like she's gonna vomit so I give her a plastic bag. After she's done. She hands it to me as if I was supposed store it somewhere for her or something. Whatever. But that's not the worst part. She starts to dose off and keeps resting her head on my shoulder; putting me in the direct line of fire if any projectiles come flying out. So I keep knocking her head over to Johnny's side. But she keeps falling back over. I was this close to just pushing her on the floor.
Anyways, she wasn't that hard to deal with on the way. Everyone was chillin and ready to party. The limo driver was going pretty damn slow. I know you can't floor it when its been raining, but damn. It took almost two hours to get from Wellington to South Beach.
As we got close Pablo tried to get everyone revved up. Oh, and let me take a second to explain Pablo's role as "The Guy." When we plan an outing and you're the Guy, you have to do all the work. Make all the phone calls, compile the guest list, get everyone in the limo, into the club, and back into the limo. And that's among another thousand things you have to take care of.
One being getting everyone pumped up to party. So he pulled out his tried and true "Can I get a HOO..RAA!" The thing is, he had been wanting to do it since he got in the limo. But I advised him to save it. I guess it was bottled up for way too long. Cause when he finally said it. It went from a friendly back and forth shout. To an angry barrage. To the point where he was saying, "Let me get a damn HOO RAA you lame motherfuckers!"
We finally got to the club. Pablo, Krissy, Danielle, and I went to take care of entry. We made it clear that we wouldn't do what JR did last year. He went up to the door guy all excited and asked how much to get the whole limo in. The guy said, "a hundred bucks." JR said all happy, "I'll give you two-hundred!" Ugghhh. He was officially banned from door-guy negotiations.
So we went up to the guy real chill. Asked about getting everyone in. The guy made an offer. Pablo haggled it down. The guy agreed. Pablo was really starting to fulfill his duties as the Guy. As the senior Guy, I was proud. Everyone got in, but HOLD THE PHONE, where's ASHLEY? I look in the parking lot and she's walking through a giant puddle about six inches deep like she's chillin at the beach. She's waving her skirt around and everyone can see her underwear. It was like seeing a train wreck heading towards the club.
Pablo was already in the club, so I had to deal with it. I call her out of the puddle and try to convince the door-guy to let her in. Too bad she forgot her ID in the limo. And the limo guy was already gone. So I had to go inside and get the guy's number from Pablo. I come back down stairs and Ashley's trying to bum cigarettes off of club-goers, who are dodging her like you would if a homeless guy was trying to grope you.
I tell her to follow me to get her ID. She turns, slips, and falls down the steps of the front entrance. Her face hit the ground so hard everyone around was trying help out. I didn't want to make it a big deal so the guy wouldn't really care about letting her in. So I told everyone, "She does this all the time, She's okay." Meanwhile, I'm wondering if she can even get up. The sound of her head hitting the ground was like a fly swatter smacking a hard surface. WHACK! I thought she was knocked out, but I got her up and went to get her ID. We come back and the guy's say, "Hell no, she aint comin in bro."
She was sooo pissed. I started thinking how the hell am I going to convince her to sit in the limo while we party. She kept saying, "I am not sitting in that DAMN LIMO!" So I told her, "Where are your cigarettes? We'll smoke and think about what to do next." I knew exactly where her damn cigarettes were. She says, "In the limo." She opens the door and grabs her purse. I quickly turn to the limo driver and say, "Don't let her out of your sight." I slam the door and run inside before she can tell what exactly is going on.
I get in there ready to fucking GET DOWN! All I have to do is hear the music and the blood starts pumping and I'm ready to go. The chicks were fucking hot! I figured they'd all be stuck up so I just tried to find everyone. I'm expecting everyone to be dancing on the bar, or on the stage, or dancing on SOMETHING! But I couldn't find anyone. Until I look outside and see everyone sitting around like they just came from a funeral. You know what, it was more like they were waiting for something. As if they were still in the limo and the party hadn't started yet.
I thought, "Oh well, I 've partied with lamos before." The solution: ignore them and have a great fucking time. We take some pics with the fam. And start partying our asses off. Danielle and Tony, and Krissy and Mike are all on the stage dancing. Me and Pablo start talking to a bunch of chicks. They all seemed so chill. None of the chicks I talked to were from Miami. It was like being in Vegas again. It even got to the point where Pablo and I were challenging each other to approach different groups of girls. And neither of us pussed out.
Pablo made me proud with the way he handled the chicks. I haven't seen THAT Pablo in a long time. He approached these two cuties but was only talking to one of them. The other was getting antsy and I knew she was gonna start bothering her friend to get some attention. So I approached her, and we started talking. She was weary at first, but what won her over was that I looked at her and guessed what she was drinking. Don't ask me how. I guess it's from being in the restaurant business. So the four of us were chatting and it was going pretty well. Then I see the lamos coming in from outside making a way to the exit. I looked at my watch and realized it was time to leave. It was exactly 3:30AM. As if they had a lamo huddle and looked at their watches waiting for the exact minute to leave. Who does that! Nobody returns a limo on time. You stay a couple hours extra to make sure you have a great fucking time.
Even as I was walking out the door. I looked at this chick and instantly locked eyes. I hugged her and told her to give me a ride home. She said she would but she lived in Boca. She said why don't you stay and party. Arrghh! I wanted to shoot myself in the temple. I reeeeeelllly wanted to stay longer. We walk out of the club and head towards the limo. I just didn't want to do anymore babysitting. I was hoping that Ashley was asleep. I see the limo guy, cross my fingers and ask him, "Where is she?" He says right there and points to the bushes. I squint and see her coming out. "Heyyyy, Pi...errrre!" Shit! God, I hate my life.
She wasn't any trouble going home though. While we were on the highway, some guys in a beat up Saturn pulled up next to the limo and flicked us off. We started flicking them off back. But they just kept driving next to us doing the same thing. Then Pablo had the best idea of the night, solidifying himself as a true "the Guy." He just turned around, pulled his pants down and mooned the assholes. LOL It was fucking great. They disappeared after that. I guess Pablo was in a good mood after that because we witnessed him smoke weed for the first time EVA! And I have the evidence to prove it!
A couple of us were still awake in the limo. We blasted the music danced the whole way home. Krissy was busy making out with Mike. Her Lovesick Ass. She was standing with Mike at the beginning of the night and the first thing she told me was, "Guess what Pierre?? Mike is my BOYFRIEND now!" I looked at Mike expecting to get a oh-god-help-me-please look. But he was really psyched about it. I wish them all the luck in the world. They seemed really happy.
All in all I had a good time. Of course it wasn't perfect, but it never is. Ashley was piss drunk, but I've been in her position before, we've all been there. It's not that big of a deal. It was actually pretty funny to me. The lamos were more of a pain than she was. I was happy that Junior came. I love that kid. I wish he and the others would've all had more fun though. Next time, less people, no drinking til we're half way to the club, and no fucking jello shots! Happy Birthday Danielle! I love you mama!
(More pics to come)
(Editor's note: Unfortunately Ashley deleted the evidence of her drunkeness before I could post the pics.)