Monday, December 18, 2006

New York, New York

I'm back! New York was a great time. I packed about forty sweaters getting ready for the cold. It was fifty degrees though when I got there. Everyone was looking at me thinking, "What the hell is he getting ready for?" I looked like I was heading to the North Pole.

I went to seet he Color Purple on Broadway. It was pretty good, and I HATE musicals. But these people sung so well that it kind of made up for the boredom. Being someone that deals with singers on regular basis, I could appreciate having a group of people that talented. Not one off note. Not ONE! They sang about twenty songs perfectly. It was worth the $26 tickets. Oh yea my sister opted for the cheap seats.

And of course it was none other the last highest point and farthest row back. It's weird sitting in your seat with nothing but storage closets behind you while you're squinting at the stage about a hundred meters away. The technicians in the rafters were looking back at us like, "Damn I can barely see those people!"

My aunt came with us. Which would've been cool had she not had a cold that came with the weirdest coughing I've ever heard. It was like a mixture repeatedly clearing her throat and coughing groggily under her breath. She sounded like a dying horse. So I'm sitting in these terrible seats watching a boring musical with my aunt deciding to sit next to me heezing and clearing her throat every five minutes. She fell asleep about an hour into it so people finally stopped glaring at us.

Luckily not many people showed up and we were able to scoot up to a much better view. After the first act ended and the lights came up and we started moving up my aunt said, almost on cue from a Monty Python skit, "Why are you guys sitting down?"
"Auntie?! So we can see better!"
"See what, it's finished. Let's go home."

Everyone just started laughing. I don't think anyone really explained it to her. She just shrugged and went back to sleep.

My sister stopped to get a bite at the TGI Fridays in Times Square. I called her and had her order me a burger. It was a bit overcooked but wasn't that bad until I got the bill. I thought I'd never see this line item at Fridays: Burger...........16.99. Ouch.

I did a little more sight-seeing, and had a few adventures with Alaska. Oh and I met a few nice girls out there. That's about it. If you want to hear about all that read on, if not you can go now. I'll see you later.

Alaska's crazy! And he's got crazy friends that all seem to be supermodels. Everyone in his circle is good-looking. I met him at a swank eatery. I was so happy to see him that I blew past the hostesses to find him. Come to find out the head hostess is his girlfriend. Oops. "My bad, sweetie." We have a glass of wine and head out the door. I reminded him that we didn't pay. He got a good laugh out of that one.

We all go out on the town. And apparently he's been doing his PR, cause we got whisked to the front of the line to every club we went to. I got the feeling that the only way he was going to drink was if the club bought him one. So we left a few then found a place where we were offered a few bottles of Grey Goose. I think it was called Lotus.

That's where I met Jackie and I think the other was named Rachel. Rachel seemed to want to take about a hundred pictures with me, but Jackie wanted to get closer. We took pictures, danced, tickled each other, and later chilled on the couch. She leaned in and said, "You know, there's something about you that got me hooked..." Ooh do tell. Is it my height? The rapist wit? Smooth operating ways??? "Your scarf. It's amazing." Anti-climactic, but I'll take it.

I was wandering around midtown and got a bit lost. I turned to my right to ask the next person I saw where the hell the train station was. I sensed someone behind me so I said, "Hey, how do I get to the sub..." Then my eyes focused on what I was looking at. She was gorgeous. Absolutely stunning. She had Beyonce's creamy skin tone. She had a tan overcoat on that seemed to be keeping her real warm. She smiled, "Subway? Right down this street. I'm actually heading down there right now. I'll walk you." Uhh. "Thanks." It's all I could think of.

But while Pierre was speechless, PR jumped in and went to work. I'm not sure what he was saying but the exchange something like: mumble, mumble, mumble from PR followed by a punctuated laughter from her. This went on until we got to the subway. PR got her number and said that we might hang out that night.

We met up later that night and had a nice dinner. And by nice I mean Mexican. And by dinner I mean tasteless pork tacitos. But I had a Dos Equis Amber. God I swear that's got to be on my top five list of beers. Some beers put their signature in their after taste, some in their up front texture. XX hits you mid sip. Absolutely great. Oh yea, the girl. Well her mouth was moving, and then mine moved. Basic convo. After we yappity yapped for a while. She asked me a question, and then I gave her an answer but asked her it backed, and because of her answer the attraction totally died. From that point on it just didn't feel right. Next time you see me, ask me about what she said.

We parted and I went to find Alaska. I squeezed into the packed pub and one of the waittresses smiled at me but I was trying to find the guys. He was with some friends. And he said right away that I need to catch up to them. Then a waitress brings three shots to me. and I was ordered to take them sans a break. And yea it happened to be the waittress from when I walked in. And she looked disappointed. As you can prob tell where this is going. I was supposed to recognize her from the last time I came to NY and met her. Ouch. Did it again. "My bad, babydoll."

We went from spot to spot and then we ran into a club that Alaska didn't any love from. Any. After they didn't allow us entry Alaska did what any self-respecting local would do, he flicked a lit cigar at the front-door guy. It was beautiful. The lit ambers went all over his suit. Nice!

I saw more stuff and got into more adventures. Some that were pretty hilarious. I just don't feel like writing any more. And you've done enough reading. Thanks for sticking it out. If we see each other out I'll tell you everything. Even about how I slept with rats*; jumped off of the NBC building*; got punched by a protestor*; and how I got kicked out of Hooters*. lol No I didn't grope the girls. I gently got their attention by tapping them where I knew they'd respond.

* almost
(editor's note: We apologize for any typos. This document has not proofread at all.)

Monday, November 27, 2006

Quick Movie Review: Casino Royale

img341/3441/casinoroyaleposterbig21mn2.jpg You can tell from the start that this Bond is different from the rest. He kicks some guy's ass in a bathroom, then drowns him in the sink. At the same time we see him kill off another guy in the smoother, classy-silencer style. When asked if he would like his martini shaken or stirred he snapped back, "Do I look like I give a damn." He didn't seem to give a damn about anything. It was cool to see that side of Bond.

He goes on to action sequence after action sequence. I want to look up how much this movie costed exactly. Buildings crumbling, indoor floods, car chases, construction site chases. They really squeezed a lot of stuff into the pic. And I swear I've never seen anyone run so much. I think they officially brought back the foot chase. And what was up with the first guy he chased!? A human monkey is the only way to describe it. That guy did enough acrobatics to make Jet Li and Jackie Chan embarrassed.

The love interest played by the gorgeous French actress, Eva Green, was nice. She's hot and she had the wit going for her. Her make-up looks ridiculous at first, but just wait for the scene where she's getting ready for the poker game. She has no makeup and looks hot as hell.

The plot got a little too complicated for the kind of movie that it was. And you could've easily took a half-hour out of it and would've never noticed. I was really into it so I didn't mind the time, but I could see how it could be an issue for some ADD people.

Casino Royale introduced the new Bond as we see him acheive his double-o status. I can't wait for the next one. A

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Official Website

Monday, November 20, 2006

Gym Musings

I've been doing great going to the gym lately. And when I go I notice a lot of stuff. Some good, some bad; but always interesting (of course).

Guys Staring

We all know guys gawk at girls. They've even done studies on it. story But it's multiplied at gyms. Guys stare at EVERYTHING with a pulse. Fat, skinny, tall, short, black, white, green, crippled, everything! They even stare at me. Yes. Not in a gay way or anything; they just stare. It's a blank look. I bet if you hooked their brains up to a cat scan you would see nothing lighting up as they stare around the room. "I see people. People all around me. Look at the people." And forget about when a chick is in decent shape. They will find machines near them and stare until the girl can't ignore them anymore and move to another machine or just give up and leave. Some days when they watch me walk in and head towards the pull-up bars, I want to stop and ask them why the hell are their eyes glued to me. You start think you forgot to put your shorts on, again.

The Music

I forgot my iPod the other day and had to listen to the gym PA musak feed. Who the hell is picking the music at gyms! It was the gayest crap I have ever heard in my life. It was like one long Queer Eye intro. The whole time working out I kept thinking about how my drapes don't match my bed spread. It's the worst techno that you have ever heard. Moral of the story: don't forget your music.

Slow Progress

I know I'm supposed to be patient but, I haven't seen one lick of progress since I've started 3 months ago. I actually got pissed when I saw a guy doing dumbbell bench presses with 100lb weights in each hand. Was I pissed that he could do it and the best I could do were 40 pounders? Nope. I was pissed that he almost looked exactly like me! So you mean to tell me after I bust my ass and workout for a year and can do the heavy weights I'm gonna look like that scrawny bastard. What the hell did I sign up for!? Anybody got some HGH I could shoot into my ass? And everyone always says, "Well you'll be happy when you're forty and start to fill out and everyone else will be fat." Yeah, but now I'm skinnier than an eleven year-old girl scout! My future possible looks won't have any bargaining power with bunnies now. "Baby, there may not be much now, but you'll be glad you stuck with me in twenty years when I fill out."

All in all, you get used to working out and start to feel weird when you don't. So I'll stay faithful. Thin and faithful, PR in a nutshell. A long, skinny nutshell.

Friday, November 10, 2006

My Radio Adventure

I was on the radio today! But I kind of screwed it up though.

They were talking about the Borat movie and the frat guys that filed a lawsuit cause they looked like a bunch of idiots. The host said for anyone that saw the movie to call in and tell him what the guys said since he hadn't seen it yet.

I was stoked and dialed right away. I figured they'd never get to me, or if they did it would be after like a half-hour of waiting. hey answered right away and the screener put me through:

"We have Pierre on the mobile!"
"Uhh...hey guys."
"So Pierre, you saw the movie, tell us what did the guys say?!"
"Umm...they like said a bunch of offensive stuff."
"Wow, I bet! What kind of stuff did they say?"
I totally blanked out. I couldn't remember anything.
"You know...I really don't remember exactly, but uhh..."
"Did they make fun of Jews?"
"Yea, there was some Jewish stuff in there."
"And women?"
"Yea, yea some mean stuff about women."
They realized I didn't know shit.
"So Pierre, this movie has been banned in certain cities. And it only opened in about 800 theaters, why do you think that was? Is there really offensive stuff in there.
Finally, something I knew.
"Well, it was Fox that backtracked with the opening. The movie didn't screen well, so Fox scaled back the opening."
"Okay, because it has done really well in the opening week."
Some co-host, "Yea it opened above every other film."
Dead line.

They didn't even say bye. Anyways, I need to get better on the spot. My heart was pounding and my voice got weak. I was thinking of trying some kind of public speaking course or something. A lot of people who know me don't know that I have real trouble speaking in front of people.

The thing I don't understand is that I used to do it for a living. I used to do door-to-door sales and I had to chat with strangers all day long. I totally lost the vibe. I'll get it back. Holler.

Monday, November 06, 2006

My Hero

I don't know what I would do with out this laptop. I'm sitting in Human Resources Management now and I would blow my brains all over this desk if I didn't have the net to keep me company. Which brings me to what I wanted to talk about: Heroes.

The newest NBC "hit" is gaining a pretty big fan base, and I'm giving it a chance before I bash it. I'm almost done with the second episode and I can't believe how unwatchable the show is. I'll just say the most irritating thing about it, so as to not make this a bitchfest.

The overacting, the overacting, the overacting!! And a new word for me; overwriting. How could you show a studio exec a script like this and get a green light?!?!?!

Chick walks into an art studio. A rough-looking guy is pacing the room frantically.
"Stop it! Get away from me!"
"What?! What's wrong?"
"I can't believe this happened!"
"Can't believe what happened?"
"It just doesn't make sense!?"
"John, what's going on."
"Not what's going on, what's already HAPPENED!"
He shoves a painting in her face
"So, it's just a painting."
"Yea, of a terrorist bombing on a bus in Israel."
" looks pretty good."
He now shoves a newspaper article in her face
"The same terrorist bombing! I made that painting three weeks ago!"
"It's just a coincidence."
"Until you look at the number on the bus."
The camera slowly zooms in on the number in the newspaper as the music gets louder and more dramatic. Then an extreme close-up on her face. And an extreme EXTREME close-up on the painting with the same number.

You would honestly tell me that you wouldn't throw those people out of your office? Or at least order an immediate rewrite with a writer that could turn down the volume just a bit. We can't make it a little more subtle.

Heroes fans, when you watch this weeks episode pay attention to a few things for me. I haven't seen it but I already know a few things that you'll see. The most obvious one will be one character in the midst of some hurried activity like the example above. And there will be someone trying to tell them something. They will ignore the person and keep doing whatever they're in the middle of until the other character makes some activity altering statement. It'll go something like this.

"John, I have to tell you something."
"I don't know what to do."
"John, listen to me."
"That weird event that just happened to me is unexplainable"
"John! I turned on the tv today from my couch!"
"So...that happens all the time. There are more serious things happening in the world."
Cue the dramatic overture!!!!!

I could easily fill this web page with the problems with the show; the uber serious narration, the pretentiousness, the acting, the directing, even the lighting sucks!

Monday, October 30, 2006

Big Shouts

My life ain't all that bad; and there are a few people that deserve recognition for keeping me going. Now it's time to thank all the people that made my life better last week.

First shouts go to Denise, Natalie, and JR for throwing sick Halloween parties. Denise as Rainbow Brite was nice, at least until another chick came to the party with the same costume. Oooh wee. Denise bitched about it then said, "She's lucky I'm drunk." Then the chick was bitching at her friends later and said, "You know, she's lucky I'm drunk!" Interestingly enough, alcohol STOPS fights between chicks. If we guys could only be so lucky. Jumby Bay was rocking; then I had to check out Natalie and the rest of the Boners out in the middle of nowhere; sorry I meant in Royal Palm Beach.

Shouts to Joel for putting me on to some new shows. 1 vs. 100 is a sweet new game-show. I like trivia shows, and Ken Jennings makes a guest appearance. And Studio 60 is solid. And it's a good thing that all of the majors jumped on the online tv bandwagon. You can watch pretty much any new show from the networks online. I'm watching Shark now. Good show. Oh, and Fox's Standoff is slightly watchable.

Big shouts to Peyton Manning for running a two-minute drill like he was in a scrimmage game. And to the Oregon State Beavers for unseating the USC Trojans in the biggest upset this year.

I wonder who's going to come through for me this week?

Monday, October 23, 2006


The dvr people need to come up with a better technology. Or more specifically, go ahead and move the dvr thing along further. I can only record two things at the same time. There are too many shows to check out. I can't be put in the position of picking just two of them! Let's get cracking geeks. Get off the World of Warcraft mission and start PROGRAMMING!

TV Land

Ever since 24 came out and introduced what I call the continous season. Every other show is copying them like the spineless sheep that they are.

Were you one of the people like me that tried to start watching 24 halfway through the season? Yea I know, you can't enjoy it. You sit there the whole time wondering what the hell is going on! It's like walking into the middle of a movie.

What ever happened to the "episode." Remember those? Did anyone care when they missed half of a season of Quantum Leap?! Of course not. Everything you needed to know was in the intro. And what about Macgyver and the A-Team and Knight Rider. Solid tv that didn't require a dissertation about nuances of each characters journey.

I'm watching the NBC show 'Heroes' right now and I don't have a clue what's going on. And from what I see so far, I'm not missing much. Basically, some people have superpowers and are trying to save the world. Okay, it's not original, but it's workable. And it don't look like they're working it right.

The overacting!? Can someone turn the dial down just a little please. Holy shit, the cop guy's girlfriend should be fired before she destroys another scene.

And another thing, I'm starting to HATE the mysterious guys in the suits. Does EVERY goddamn show on tv have to someone's 'agents' working on some conspiracy to undermine the efforts of the stars.

But I won't be too harsh. (lol maybe too late) I'll give it a chance. Maybe I'll sign up for an online tutorial about why Japanese guy's so weird, and why the invincible girl is wasting her powers on a school bully. Yawn.

That's why I watch Boston Legal. Because it knows that it is a ridiculous show. But it doesn't care. It knows that tv nowadays is a complete waste of Americas time. And if I'm going to waste my time, i'm going to do it with William Shatner. God I love that guy.

Heroes official site
Boston Legal official site

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Borat at the Animal Hospital

Hows about a deleted scne from the Borat movie. Only a few more weeks of waiting. clip

Friday, October 13, 2006

Quick Movie Review: The Departed A-

All I got to say about this movie is that Leonardo DiCaprio can act his ass off. Seriously. He's unbelievable. Somebody get him a 'Best Actor' nod, pronto! And sorry, Marty, no best director this year. The only way Martin Scorsese will win an Oscar for that is if nothing really good comes out for the rest of the year.

As a narrative, it's solid. It's filled with twists and turns that'll keep you on your feet. And you are going to love the third act.

The acting is really the star of show. The cast includes: Matt Damon, Leonardo DiCaprio, Jack Nicholson, Mark Wahlberg, Alec Baldwin, and Anthony Anderson. And that's just off the top of my head.

It doesn't beat out Heat or Goodfellas. But nice. I'm going to watch it again if that says anything about how good it is. A-


Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Gripes: FAU Musings

One of the good things about having laptop is that I can talk about stuff as I see it happen around campus. And there's a lot of crap to gripe about. So here are: Gripes!

Gripe one is white people sitting on the floor. What the hell is with white kids and the urge to plop their asses on the dirty, bug-ridden ground! These kids don't need a courtyard with seats or benches, they just need an empty field of grass. Filled with ant mounds, mud, and dragon flies.

Next gripe: plumber's ass on fat chicks! First off, there are so many hot chicks at this campus. In most places, hot chicks come around like rare white buffalo. But around here they roam freely. They are a species in abundance at FAU. So when I see a fat nasty chick with a huge belly sit down and expose her mile long hairy ass crack I want to lose my lunch. I'm actually sitting about ten feet from an offender right now and I'm having trouble typing.

Can't we make some kind of decency rule against it. If a hot cheerleader walks around with a low-cut halter top and shows a quarter inch of aereola the campus police would arrest her for indecent exposure. Well, fat hairy crack is pretty damn indecent! Its cruel and unusual! Our priorities are all out of whack. Ooh, a hot co-ed just sat at my table. Time to get to work. I love this campus.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Quick Movie Review: Fearless A-

I just finished watching Fearless. Thanks to my laptop, I can write this review right away.

Jet Li's getting old. I don't know if the gray hair was part of the make-up or real. He can still kick ass though. Not that I would really know though.

I'm one of those people that thinks all martial arts fight scenes pretty much look the same. Crouching Tiger seemed fresh and exciting but then I found out that half the tricks were done with the help of special effects. So I don't know what's real or not, or what takes skill or just good camera tricks. But from what I saw, it looked fine.

The movie doesn't get to complicated. But it packed a punch with meaning. It's full of lessons on timeless virtues like friendship, respect, honor, and tradition--among a bunch of others.

Its one of those movies that make you want to be a better person after you watch it. But the feeling lasts a couple of hours and then some idiot cuts you off on the freeway and you go right back to your society-hating self. I must resist the temptation. A-


Bush Could Learn A Lesson From Paris

We can't work things out in Iraq. The Palestinians can't work things out with the Israelis. But at least one feud has finally ended; Paris and Nicole made up! Oh yea, the stars of my formerly favorite reality show will return for another season of the Simple Life.

Watch the video of them going to dinner together on video I'm happy for them...well not so much for them, more for me and my tv fix.

And do this, watch the video and tell me if you could live with that many cameras in your face. I'm not sure if that would be a good or bad thing. Sure its cool that people are so interested in everything you do that they would sit outside a restaurant, waiting for you to finish dinner so they can get one glimpse of you. But the girls couldn't even move! And how do they not go blind. They seemed to handle it pretty well. Maybe you just get used to it.

Would you be able to live that life? Let me know.

Monday, October 09, 2006

Enjoying Mobility

I'm liking my new laptop. At first, it was slow as hell, but after deleting he garbage software package programs, it's smooth surfing now.

The side of the computer is hotter than Hades though. The fan blows out the hot air and you can't get near it. I gues it'll work out when winter comes and I need to warm my hands.

Shouts to Newegg. com for a nicely laid out website, and good service. Newegg

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Serving Food: Terrible Job, Even Worse Game

I hate serving. Seriously, the work sucks. People giving you crap; managers giving you crap; other servers giving you crap. Basically, a lot of crap. There are many jobs that deal with crap from a lot of people, but I hope they get compensated for their effort--cause I sure as hell don't. So when I find out there is a video game that people can wait on tables for fun, I stop dead in my tracks to see what they're smoking.

Diner Dash 2 is the sequel to the wildly popular game where players get to join Flo and beat out the competition while bringing the best service to their customers. Aghhh! I want to gag right now. I played the game for about 30 seconds and got nauseus.

I guess there are other professions that feel the same way--soldiers playing war games; cops playing Garnd Theft Auto; football players playing Madden. Well... not so much Madden. Those guys love seeing themselves on screen. Maybe that's the key.

Players of Diner Dash should be able to play with their favorite servers. They can pick Pierre, hailing from P.F. Chang's in Palm Beach Gardens. He has great drink delivery, and a smooth tray carry. I'd play that game.

And coming this Christmas: join Jermaine and Carlos as they embark on their adventures of roto rooting! Oh yea kids! You'll fight through puddles of crap and backed up toilets. Be the best shit shoveler in your neighborhood!

Monday, October 02, 2006

Sleeping On The Job: CBS Sunday Football

I enjoy my Sunday afternoons--probably the most peaceful time slot in my week. So yesterday, after a long morning at church I retreated to my haven of repose to enjoy some football on the plasma television in all of its 400 channels and 42 inches of glory.

I first turn to Fox HD and the Vikings are playing the Buffalo Bills. The picture looks great, but I don't really care much about either of those teams. I wanna see my Dolphins get another win after a tumultous game in the week past. So I turn to CBS HD and something's not right. I can barely make out the players. It just looks like blue and orange smudge all over the screen!

What the f is going on at CBS that they can't get a damn HD camera down to the game so I can watch the Fins struggle with high definition! It didn't even look like the regular tv projection! It looked like the home video from high-school games. Apparently they asked one of players' mom's to videotape the game for them on her Sony Handycam.

I got paid (partially) for an HD tv and pay (sort of) for HD service, and I'm going to watch some damn HD football. So I found myself watching the uninteresting Vikings game as opposed to squinting and straining to watch the Fins.

Apparently I didn't miss much. Texans 17, Dolphins 15 - Miami Herald

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Quick Movie Review: Jackass 2

These guys are gonna kill themselves. The Stooges of our day are at it again in Jackass: Number Two. Get it? Give it a second. The movie was funny as hell. People willing to mutilate themselves for my enjoyment are always great. You can tell there are safety elements in place, but you wonder how much they really help.

Some people said they felt sick watching parts of it. I didn't get that at all. And I'm pretty squeamish. I guess I expected it, so it didn't surprise me. One reviewer that gave the movie a half star said she couldn't eat four hours after it. haha Poor lady.

My one gripe is the over-acting, if you could even call it that. It does seem like the guys are playing it up for the cameras some times--not a lot, but a few times. Like not laughing because they feel something's funny, but laugh because it should be funny--if that makes any sense.

And what's with the bruises!? God, those things looked godawful. Welts in weird places, and Wee-man's ass looking like a minefield.

If you like the show, or if you liked the first one, watch it. But watch it with people. Get some friends together, and watch it like on Friday night at 8pm. Annoying kids talking won't be a problem when the entire theater is cracking up and gagging. Good times. B+

Bad Review

courtesy of Free-Thinkers blog

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

International Talk Like A Pirate Day

September 19 is an international holiday where you and your friends can talk like a pirate all day. Rumored to have been started in 1995 by John Baur and Mark Summers. There is a song dedicated to the day, and it even has a patron saint, actor Robert Newton, who portrayed Long John Silver in the original Treasure Island.

And all I have to say is...No I'm not gonna say ahoy matey or anything; I was going to say you white people need to get a life. Seriously. Retarded holidays aren't doing any good for your cause. Just like I shudder when I see Lil Jon with his diamond encrusted goblet embarassing black people all over, I'm sure normal Anglos want to slap the shit out of every geek that walks up to them today and says, 'Arrrgh, walk de plank ya scurvy.'

I've said it before and I'll say it again, this country isn't being taken over by Mexicans, blacks, evil corporations, or Gypsies; stupid people are trying to take over. They used to only be on 'COPS,' but now they're all over the tv, in government, and in your neighborhood. Protect yourself and your kids. Arrrgh.

Monday, September 18, 2006

Mac Challenge

I'm thinking of switching to a Mac. I went into an Apple store today and was talking to one of the guys there. He was pretty convincing about switching.

My problem is I'm so confident with the pc OS. Mac just seems so foreign and goofy. But I hate Windows. My internet browser bombs at least once a day. Internet Explorer is more unreliable than an FSU offensive scheme.

I gotta do something though. My classes would be much easier with a laptop. If I have to sit through another International Business class without some kind of escape I'm going to start banging my head against the desk just to get some brain stimulation. Not only is that class boring as hell; my teacher doesn't even speak the language. English is like her fourth language or something.

Pray for me so that the computer gods will smile upon me.

For the fellas. The SexTop 2000, for discrete porn enjoyment. lol WARNING: Not for everyone's viewing. SexTop 2000

post script: If you have a mac, let me know how it's working out for you.

Friday, September 15, 2006

System Up!

The internet is back on at the chateau! And I'm thinking of getting a laptop. It you know any good deals, let me know. Thanks!

Monday, September 11, 2006

System Down

My internet's down right now. A lot of stuff has been happening to me lately, and I would love to share. I'll try to come here to the school library to keep yall informed. Thanks for checking in. :D

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Do It, Do It!

F-L-O-R-I-D-A- S-T-A-T-E Florida State Florida State Florida State. WHOO!!!

You know, they really have to stop doing this to me every year. It's too much pressure for one fan to handle, having the biggest game of the year coming up first. Thank god they won't be setting it up like this anymore.

We rocked it out in the Orange Bowl. And we did it with player named Decody Fagg. But I think having a name like Buster Davis kind of makes up for it. We should give that guy a Heisman just for going through his college career with Fagg as his last name. What a terrible name. At least that's better than the newest freshman recruit at Florida State, running back Diarrhea McPenis. Life's gonna be tough for him. story

Say It Ain't So

Steve Irwin, the 'Crocodile Hunter,' died yesterday after being stung in the heart by a stingray. He is survived by his wife and two kids...and everyone that believed he had something to offer. That guy was the epitome of doing what you love. He was always trying to spread knowledge about animals. He said if people can be around animals and start to like them, then they'll help in protecting them.

With all the people with crappy jobs and crappy lives it was refreshing to see someone who really put their heart into everything they do. If I could only be so lucky. So pour one out for Crikey Steve. Rest in peace brother.

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

What A Jip!

What the hell is wrong with the weather predicting world! These goofballs warn me that Ernesto is headed STRAIGHT FOR THE FLORIDA COAST! And that we should all prepare. So every goddamn soccer mom and Nascar dad goes and fills up their gas tanks right away.

Good thing I live by the ghetto; where no one wants to even stop at the red lights cause they're so afraid they're gonna get carjacked. I'm not even kidding by the way; people just slow down before the light and ROLL towards it until it turns green, to which they slam on the gas as if there was a cruise missile in their rear view mirror.

So I filled up; get home and see my neighbor putting up his shutters. So now I figure I have to put mine up to. Cause if a hurricane blows by and wrecks the neighborhood, I don't want to be the one lazy douche-bag that didn't protect his investment.

I go digging through the garage for the shutters and finally find a bunch of them. I didn't know how heavy they were so picked one up to test the weight. It was almost weightless. So I figure I can lift the whole bunch all at once, about fifteen total. Oh my god, it was like they turned into cast-iron sheet metal. I couldn't even lift it an inch. So I try to take half. No go. I tried FIVE and could barely get it off the ground. What the hell is with those shutters! It's like the weight is multiplied instead of added on. Or I'm as weak as a twelve year-old girl scout.

And of course there's no damn storm. It barely rained and I'm pissed. I wanted a barrage of debris barreling towards my shutters, to which they would prevail against the storm. It's like I got my army of orcs together and the enemy showed up with elves with no arrows. You win, but there was no struggle. What a jip!

Saturday, August 26, 2006


I just had to throw this in. Have a great weekend!

Taller people are smarter

Fri Aug 25, 5:55 PM ET

NEW YORK (Reuters) - While researchers have long shown that tall people earn more than their shorter counterparts, it's not only social discrimination that accounts for this inequality -- tall people are just smarter than their height-challenged peers, a new study finds.

"As early as age three -- before schooling has had a chance to play a role -- and throughout childhood, taller children perform significantly better on cognitive tests," wrote Anne Case and Christina Paxson of Princeton University in a paper published by the National Bureau of Economic Research.

The findings were based primarily on two British studies that followed children born in 1958 and 1970, respectively, through adulthood and a U.S. study on height and occupational choice.

Other studies have pointed to low self-esteem, better health that accompanies greater height, and social discrimination as culprits for lower pay for shorter people.

But researchers Case and Paxson believe the height advantage in the job world is more than just a question of image.

"As adults, taller individuals are more likely to select into higher paying occupations that require more advanced verbal and numerical skills and greater intelligence, for which they earn handsome returns," they wrote.

For both men and women in the United States and the United Kingdom, a height advantage of four inches equated with a 10 percent increase in wages on average.

But the researchers said the differences in performance crop up long before the tall people enter the job force. Prenatal care and the time between birth and the age of 3 are critical periods for determining future cognitive ability and height.

"The speed of growth is more rapid during this period than at any other during the life course, and nutritional needs are greatest at this point," the researchers wrote.

The research confirms previous studies that show that early nutrition is an important predictor of intelligence and height.

"Prenatal care and prenatal nutrition are just incredibly important, even more so than we already knew," Case said in an interview.

Since the study's data only included populations in the United Kingdom and the United States, the findings could not be applied to other regions, Case said.

And how tall are the researchers?

They are both about 5 feet 8 inches tall, well above the average height of 5 feet 4 inches for American women.

A copy of the paper can be found at

Big News? Big Deal

Someone asked me why I haven't posted about any of the "top" stories this week. Because they are all pretty damn stupid. Let's start the overblown retarded stories of the week!

John Karr

Oh god, if I hear another sound bite of John Karr in his "early" years, I'm gonna hemorrhage. What hairstyle he had; what music he listened to; Dr. Phil to weigh in on how crazy he is; an interview of everyone that has ever met him; Oy vay.

Tom Cruise Gets Canned

So Paramount pictures decided Cruise's antics and bad sinking public image was too much for their business. Okay... go find another damn studio! What's the big deal!? Cruise is represented by CAA, the most powerful agency in Hollywood; I'm sure they'll find him something to do.

The Emmy's

Not so much the show show itself, but it's all the previewing and set up. We know more about the green room that our favorite A-listers are going to be hanging out in than we need. I'm not going to watch, but I hope the Entourage guys do well. And th Office; that's a funny ass show.

Monday, August 21, 2006

New Semester, New Challenge

I'm so happy to be back at school! Well...let me clear that up, I'm glad to be at back at a REAL school. Today was the start of the new fall semester, and damn it, what the hell have I been wasting my time at the Jupiter campus for? The Boca campus is where it's at. It finally FEELS like college.

The first class I walked into, Algebra I, had about a hundred or so people in. I've never experienced that before. We're talking in the back and I'm thinking the prof is gonna get pissed. But then I realize, she's so far away I could stab the kid sitting next to me in the neck and she'll never know. I love the atmosphere. But it remains to be seen whether I'm gonna learn anything. And being as though it's algebra which I failed about 13 times, I better focus. I set a rule: no chasing poony in Algebra. None! (my mojo: "Well...let's discuss this before we make any rash decisions.)

I can't imagine what it would be like at a major division I university. Massive greek parties, nationally televised collegiate sports, insane spring break trips. But for now, FAU-Boca will do. Go Owls. God, I still feel gayer than Andy Dick's asshole saying that.

Saturday, August 19, 2006

Snakes Slide Into The Box Office

"I'm sick of these muthafuckin snakes on this MUTHAFUCKIN PLANE!"

I would've paid the eight dollar admission just to hear Sam Jackson say that line.

Other than Samuel L.'s badassedness, there isn't much to the flick. Snakes end up on a plane and heroicness ensues. Any more thinking about the plot will ruin your experience.

I gotta give some shouts to Kenan Thompson who plays a wise-cracking video-game enthusiast. There wasn't much to his role but he gets a few chuckles out of you.

My only rant is going to be about the theater I watched it at. The next time you're at Regal Cinemas in Royal Palm Beach, go to theater 9 and take a good whiff of the room. It smells like garbage and piss. Old raunchy stank piss! Are the bathrooms that far from the theater that people just can't hold it! What, did some excited moviegoer REALLY not want to miss any parts of the movie so they just went all over themselves!? That place is disgusting!

Ok I'm done. Go see Jules kick some slithery ass. Just not at Regal. B-


Thursday, August 17, 2006

How Much Is Poontang Worth?

Scare Tactics was fun while it lasted. I love how the guy just can't keep his hands out of the cookie jar. Even with a deranged father downstairs, the guy just CAN't say no. It's in our genes. Even staring death in the face, we can not pass up a nice piece of ass. haha
courtesy of

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Bumbling Medics

So you sprain your ankle on the field and need your buddies to help you off. They load you up and, whoops, my bad. "Yea doc it was a sprained ankle at first, but now it's a broken nose and sprained elbow too!" Thanks guys. Nothing

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Don't Bother Trying To Bag Alicia Keys

(Alicia Keys' nasty hairy chest)

The tramp doesn't put out! The pompous prima donna revealed to Sister 2 Sister Magazine (story) that she witheld her cash 'n prizes from her pathetic boyfriend for a year because "my body is too beautiful to be violated by someone who doesn't deserve it." Ick! I'm trying not to upchuck here. Homegirl is not all that. Please, that chick needs to get her head out of her ass and get a whiff of reality.

And what proud red-blooded American male would wait a YEAR to have sex with his girlfriend!? And let me put this into context: they've known each other since CHILDHOOD! It's not like he's some new creep that she's not sure of. She grew up with this guy. If she hasn't figured out whether he's worthy to eat her hairy little coochie by now, she'll never figure it out!

He's probably been getting play from young interns at the record label for the past year. "Oh yeah honey, you wanna wait? That's cool...No, no I don't mind. You're soooo special to me that waiting is no big deal." "Hey cute intern chick, you can suck me off all you want...Oh the lipstick stains on my balls? That's not a problem, that uptight bitch ain't gonna be down there anytime soon."

She's a stuck up cunt, but she can sing her ass off. I seperate the two entirely. Just to illustrate the dichotmy which is Alicia Keys, here are two videos: One showing her conceited ass accepting an award. And another showing her prowess on the piano with Jamie Foxx.

Notice her smug reaction when they call her name, acting like she doesn't know what's going on. And that fat piece of shit that's always with her is even worse than she is! I just want someone to run by and take his pompous knees out. here

And her and Jamie Foxx doing one of the tightest versions of "Georgia On My Mind" I've ever heard.

Black People Are Still Funny

Here's the newest post in our ongoing "Black People Are Still Funny" series. Bubb Rubb and Lil Sis explain the newest craze around town. Whoop Woooop!

Monday, August 14, 2006

Weekend Update

Sorry for the lack of updates last week, I've been running around trying to get done with school and manage some church ish. But hooray, I'm done with another college semester! I didn't do anything and got a B. Man I love FAU. Anyways, I'll be around. In the meantime, enjoy some Flavor of Love 2 clips:

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Chappelle's "Lost Cause Episodes"

So I'm whippin some frat boy's ass in some beer pong and he did the Howard Dean "HIAAAHH!" But he pronounced it "pyahhh!" Then he says, "You know, from Chappelle's Show." I had no idea what he was talking about, so he told me I had to check it out.

I finally caught the episode he was talking about tonight. It's mediocre, at best. What a waste of a great premise. Dave didn't even seem like he was all that into it. I can see why it was cut out of the season lineup. Which brings me to my point: Why the hell are we watching episodes that didn't make the cut??

All skit shows do the same thing. They go out and film as many bits as they can, the good ones stay and the rest are left for the cast and crew to chuckle about. That's all this season of Chappelle's Show is!! A bunch of crappy ass bits that the producers thought we wouldn't want to see. They weren't "LOST!" lol They were rejected.

It's just like when a movie has the dvd with "Deleted Scenes!" Oooh ahh. And what do they always turn out to be. GARBAGE! Crap that was cut out of the movie, not because it was too sexy or gratuitously violent. Cause it sucked!!

That bit could've been sooo funny. Where's my damn remote?

Chappelle's Show Home

How about a clip of when Chappelle's Show was funny.

Thursday, August 03, 2006

The Only World Series I Pay Attention To

Have you been watching VH1's World Series of Pop Culture. I thought I was good at pop-culture, these guys are unbelievable. The finale airs tonight at 10:00. Check it out. site

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Dina Lohan Proves To Have Parenting Defiency

Dina Lohan, Lindsay's 'mom'ager has chided studio executives for giving her daliancing daughter verbal lashing--which she should have done a long time ago. She said Lindsays a "wonderful child" and the letter was "too much." She also offered up the evidence, "There was one day when she was late, and they (director Garry Marshall and costar Jane Fonda) worked the schedule around her." Great! So the solution is for everyone else to cater to Lindsay's lifestyle.

So Lindsay followed her mom's advice and headed to Vegas; AND went to party it up at Hyde.

Dina, when your daughter's washed up and only seen on episodes of True Hollywood Stories, don't say we didn't warn you.

Mel Cries For Help

Mad Mel got out on $5,000 and made use of his free time by checking into rehab. And about 'alleged' anti-semitic remarks; in a public apology released Monday, the red-faced thespian said,
"There is no excuse, nor should there be any tolerance, for anyone who thinks or expresses any kind of Anti-Semitic remark. I want to apologize specifically to everyone in the Jewish community for the vitriolic and harmful words that I said to a law enforcement officer the night I was arrested on a DUI charge."
But what about the female officer at the jail that he harassed? He shouted to her, "What are you looking at sugar tits?" Well, sugar tits, we here at FTOA apologize on behalf of the Mel. Whether your tits are sugary or not, they do not deserve to be heckled by the guy who thought Jim Caviezel would make a good Jesus.

courtesy of

Friday, July 28, 2006

Come To Work You Spoiled Brat

So you're running a sucessful film company. You started filming your latest blockbuster, and everyone's showing up to work as usual... except for one. But her peeps say it's not her fault, "It's the heat." Yeah right! But you give her the benefit of the doubt-- until you find out the "heat" has been coming from a pool party at Jeremy Piven's house. So what do you do? Ream her ass out!

The Passion Fruit Alize of the Christ

Hot off the presses: Hollywood actor, producer, and Christian role-model, Mel Gibson was arrested last night charged with driving under the influence. I was gonna throw in a "spirit" of God joke, but that would be low. Almost as low as his godly credibility. But let me not judge, lest I be pulled over after my next Beer Pong Championship win. story

Hey Sexy

Good morning free thinkers! Yes, I'm up at 8:00 in the morning! I'm feeling responsible and I'm determined to find a job today. Okay let's start your morning with a pop quiz. Who is the most UNIQUE act in popular music now?

Okay give up? I'll give you a hint: what do you get when you mix six hot* girls, a burlesque show, and Pop-R&B music?? The Pussycat Dolls! You're so smart!

Whoever thought up the idea to transition the popular dance act to an R&B group must have elephant cojones. This seemed like the dumbest thing in the world. But they did it. Jimmy Iovine at Interscope gets the props for throwing this one together. PCD have released their first album and their FOURTH Top-20 single, "Buttons." The video is hot. It is catchy as hell, sexy, mediocrely sung, and slickly choreographed (read: the perfect pop song).

Interesting note: the girls have TERRIBLE contracts for the long term. According to Interscope lawyer, Darryl Franklin, they are salaried employees of Interscope records. WTF!? Meaning the record company owns EVERY aspect PCD's existence: all music sales, merchandising, web sites, or any other form of income they produce. Proving that record co.'s still know how to make money, and that new groups still know how to get screwed.

One last thing, Interscope teamed up with Hasbro trying to release PCD dolls reportedly aimed at six-to-nine year-olds. Great! That's what we need, fourth graders doing burlesque shows on the jungle gym at recess. Thank Lord Xenu the groups "Dads and Daughters" and the "Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood" successfully lobbied the company to scrap the plan. Nice try boys.

PCD's newest video - Buttons

* blogger does not guarantee group members' hotness

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Say It Ain't So

Lance Bass is gay!? The band member of 'N Sync, says he's gay and in a "very stable" relationship with a reality show star. Geez, talk about coming out of left field. I'm surprised... nay shocked! Sorry ladies, this hunk of pop loving is only for dudes. It's never the ones you expect.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

When Jockeys Attack

Leave the damn horse alone. video

Scare Tactics: Japanese Style

I thought American prank shows were heartless when it came to how far they'd go to entertain us. We have a long ways to go.

Fire Crotch

Why haven't I ever seen this piece of video gold. I know I'm the last human on earth to see it, but it's well worth a second look if you saw it already. A video of Brandon davis, spoiled heir of an oil fortune, ragging on LiLo. "Lindsay Lohan has a fire crotch. She has freckles coming out of her p***y." HAHAHA

Monday, July 24, 2006

What A Piece Of Ass: Miss Universe Edition

The Miss Universe Pageant aired last night. I didn't watch it, but the chicks seem pretty damn hot. Miss Puerto Rico, Zuleyka Rivera, won the coveted crown. Miss Japan, Kurara Chibana, was the first runner-up and will assume the duties should anything befall winner. Like a terrible illness or unfortunate Taco Bell binge.

The Donald creeping out Miss Puerto Rico

Here are some of the cuties that I thought stood out--with the hottest of the lot, Miss USA, at the bottom:

















St. Lucia

St. Martin




Puerto Rico


Slovak Republic

Miss USA - Jesus Christ she's beautiful!

Who do you think is the hottest?