Monday, December 18, 2006

New York, New York

I'm back! New York was a great time. I packed about forty sweaters getting ready for the cold. It was fifty degrees though when I got there. Everyone was looking at me thinking, "What the hell is he getting ready for?" I looked like I was heading to the North Pole.

I went to seet he Color Purple on Broadway. It was pretty good, and I HATE musicals. But these people sung so well that it kind of made up for the boredom. Being someone that deals with singers on regular basis, I could appreciate having a group of people that talented. Not one off note. Not ONE! They sang about twenty songs perfectly. It was worth the $26 tickets. Oh yea my sister opted for the cheap seats.

And of course it was none other the last highest point and farthest row back. It's weird sitting in your seat with nothing but storage closets behind you while you're squinting at the stage about a hundred meters away. The technicians in the rafters were looking back at us like, "Damn I can barely see those people!"

My aunt came with us. Which would've been cool had she not had a cold that came with the weirdest coughing I've ever heard. It was like a mixture repeatedly clearing her throat and coughing groggily under her breath. She sounded like a dying horse. So I'm sitting in these terrible seats watching a boring musical with my aunt deciding to sit next to me heezing and clearing her throat every five minutes. She fell asleep about an hour into it so people finally stopped glaring at us.

Luckily not many people showed up and we were able to scoot up to a much better view. After the first act ended and the lights came up and we started moving up my aunt said, almost on cue from a Monty Python skit, "Why are you guys sitting down?"
"Auntie?! So we can see better!"
"See what, it's finished. Let's go home."

Everyone just started laughing. I don't think anyone really explained it to her. She just shrugged and went back to sleep.

My sister stopped to get a bite at the TGI Fridays in Times Square. I called her and had her order me a burger. It was a bit overcooked but wasn't that bad until I got the bill. I thought I'd never see this line item at Fridays: Burger...........16.99. Ouch.

I did a little more sight-seeing, and had a few adventures with Alaska. Oh and I met a few nice girls out there. That's about it. If you want to hear about all that read on, if not you can go now. I'll see you later.

Alaska's crazy! And he's got crazy friends that all seem to be supermodels. Everyone in his circle is good-looking. I met him at a swank eatery. I was so happy to see him that I blew past the hostesses to find him. Come to find out the head hostess is his girlfriend. Oops. "My bad, sweetie." We have a glass of wine and head out the door. I reminded him that we didn't pay. He got a good laugh out of that one.

We all go out on the town. And apparently he's been doing his PR, cause we got whisked to the front of the line to every club we went to. I got the feeling that the only way he was going to drink was if the club bought him one. So we left a few then found a place where we were offered a few bottles of Grey Goose. I think it was called Lotus.

That's where I met Jackie and I think the other was named Rachel. Rachel seemed to want to take about a hundred pictures with me, but Jackie wanted to get closer. We took pictures, danced, tickled each other, and later chilled on the couch. She leaned in and said, "You know, there's something about you that got me hooked..." Ooh do tell. Is it my height? The rapist wit? Smooth operating ways??? "Your scarf. It's amazing." Anti-climactic, but I'll take it.

I was wandering around midtown and got a bit lost. I turned to my right to ask the next person I saw where the hell the train station was. I sensed someone behind me so I said, "Hey, how do I get to the sub..." Then my eyes focused on what I was looking at. She was gorgeous. Absolutely stunning. She had Beyonce's creamy skin tone. She had a tan overcoat on that seemed to be keeping her real warm. She smiled, "Subway? Right down this street. I'm actually heading down there right now. I'll walk you." Uhh. "Thanks." It's all I could think of.

But while Pierre was speechless, PR jumped in and went to work. I'm not sure what he was saying but the exchange something like: mumble, mumble, mumble from PR followed by a punctuated laughter from her. This went on until we got to the subway. PR got her number and said that we might hang out that night.

We met up later that night and had a nice dinner. And by nice I mean Mexican. And by dinner I mean tasteless pork tacitos. But I had a Dos Equis Amber. God I swear that's got to be on my top five list of beers. Some beers put their signature in their after taste, some in their up front texture. XX hits you mid sip. Absolutely great. Oh yea, the girl. Well her mouth was moving, and then mine moved. Basic convo. After we yappity yapped for a while. She asked me a question, and then I gave her an answer but asked her it backed, and because of her answer the attraction totally died. From that point on it just didn't feel right. Next time you see me, ask me about what she said.

We parted and I went to find Alaska. I squeezed into the packed pub and one of the waittresses smiled at me but I was trying to find the guys. He was with some friends. And he said right away that I need to catch up to them. Then a waitress brings three shots to me. and I was ordered to take them sans a break. And yea it happened to be the waittress from when I walked in. And she looked disappointed. As you can prob tell where this is going. I was supposed to recognize her from the last time I came to NY and met her. Ouch. Did it again. "My bad, babydoll."

We went from spot to spot and then we ran into a club that Alaska didn't any love from. Any. After they didn't allow us entry Alaska did what any self-respecting local would do, he flicked a lit cigar at the front-door guy. It was beautiful. The lit ambers went all over his suit. Nice!

I saw more stuff and got into more adventures. Some that were pretty hilarious. I just don't feel like writing any more. And you've done enough reading. Thanks for sticking it out. If we see each other out I'll tell you everything. Even about how I slept with rats*; jumped off of the NBC building*; got punched by a protestor*; and how I got kicked out of Hooters*. lol No I didn't grope the girls. I gently got their attention by tapping them where I knew they'd respond.

* almost
(editor's note: We apologize for any typos. This document has not proofread at all.)

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