Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Chappelle "Not On Crack"

The rumors that Chappelle has gone crazy have been refuted by the funny-man himself. "I'm not crazy, I'm not smoking crack. I'm definitely stressed out," said the 31-year-old comedian, who escaped last month to Durban, South Africa, for a spiritual retreat as he called it.

"You hear so many voices jockeying for position in your mind that you want to make sure that you hear your own voice," he said. "So I figured, let me just cut myself off from everybody, take a minute and pull a Flintstone -- stop a speeding car by using my bare feet as the brakes."

We're here for you Dave. Now get back in the fucking studio and make us laugh monkey.

Friday, May 13, 2005

Another Day, Another Party

Sitting bored one day, Hutter and I decided to have a day of volleyball and drinking. No list this time, we invited the whole Smokey Bones lot. From all the Nics and Mikes, to Larry Wayne Dial and everyone in between.

We kept the logistics pretty simple: burgers, hot dogs, a keg and a volleyball. Later we added some margaritas and pina coladas. Very nice.

As soon as we got the keg set and tapped at 11:30 AM, me, Hutter, Mike B, and Nic S started boozin. And we got the kinks out of our rusty v-ball skills. Especially being as though I haven't played since 7th-grade P.E.

We had a pretty decent turnout. We had already figured the sell-out factor. The usual flakes were no-call, no shows: Janelle, Mike P, etc... We didn't expect them anyways.

So you're probably wondering about the dirty dish: Did anyone end up vomiting? Did anybody get naked? Was anyone responsibly sober? No, No, and definitely No. Thats not to say that it wasn't a blast. Keg stands, 8-man beer bongs, on bar dancing, body shots! Holy shit did we get wasted. And that was all before 2 in the afternoon! After that we got out the shot glasses and downed about 6 mystery shots. I don't know what the ingredients were, and I was the one that made them!

By 9 things were starting to wind down and the druggies did their thing. I couldn't join. One because I was way too wasted, and two, we had a lot of cleaning up to do. But a good time was had by all. And let me take a second to show some recognition and give out some awards of the event:

Most Improved: Jenni. In the last outing she was a wash out, but she came through this time. Her stock went way up. Starting off with a hot bathing suit. And solidified by a great performance on the keg stand. Nice work.

Best at Handling Intoxication: Cole. This guy can drink! As soon as he showed up he started hittin the keg. Not once did I see him without a drink in hand. When we were doing shots, he was combining two and three shots to drink. And to top it off, at the end of the night, he made a gravity bong and inhaled a bowl of the freshest skunk in one take! And after looked as if he was drinking kool-aid all night. Big-ups.

Best Volleyball Performance: Mike B. He was the only one that challenged me. I kicked a lot of ass, but he really held it down. A couple of spikes, a couple of blocks, a couple of cuts and bruises. Well good shit.

Best Swimming Performance: Kierstin. That chick can swim like Nemo. I swear I've never been beaten by a chick. But I'll gladly admit that she's pretty tight. One note though: I beat her in the second race. Take that bitch.

Biggest Asshole Performance. Pierre. By about 3 in the pm, I was well-wasted and I yelled at some random chick for going back and making herself a drink behind our bar. The poor girl was mortified. Good-going asshole.

Wasted Endurance Challenge Winner: J.R. By the second game of volley, he came stumbling onto the court. He couldn't hit the ball, he could barely stand up. But he lasted the whole day and night. When most people that were getting wasted slowed down with a couple of bottles of water (present company included), he was drinking his happy ass to apparent oblivion. But he kept on-going. He was actually the last person standing. At 1 in the morning, when everyone was passed out, he was up watching tv. Big ups alkie.

Congratulations to all the winners. We're already planning V-Ball Day: The Sequel. Bigger, better, and some damn nakedness this time please!

post script:More pics to come. Waiting for Hutter to format and email them.

*update- more photos can be found at Photobucket.com. just click the link and type in smokeybones where it says "go to album."

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

CPU Issues

I'm doing a remote post from Hutter's cpu. Mine's acting up. It doesn't even turn on. I dontknow what happened. Well...I don't really remember. It was about 4 a.m. and I was surfing the net drunk and not in my right mind. I'm still trying to figure the problem out. I'll keep you posted.

Friday, May 06, 2005

What A Piece Of Ass: Elisha Cuthbert

I'm sure you've already been introduced to her, but Elisha Cuthbert is a very nice piece of ass. We first saw her in Old School, and wanted to save her in 24. And damn, she's just gotten hotter. If you've seen Girl Next Door I'm sure you'll agree. She did a couple of magazine shoots for House Of Wax, which I heard sucks but I'll still watch, but the best shoot was for GQ. You can check them all out at GorillaMask. here

House Of Wax trailer

No Chappelle's Show?

In a surprise statement, Comedy Central has announced that production of the third season of the Chappelle's Show has been suspended. They say they hope to resume production soon. Chappelle says that he's exhausted and didn't think he could make another 10 episodes. Fans are outraged. Comedy Central's probably pissed the hell off. Not only does the show draw 3 million viewers an episode, which is unheard of in basic cable, DVD sales for the first season reached $2 million dollars- making it the best-selling comedy title in DVD history. Let's hope he puts the joint down and gets his monkey ass to the set.

Chappelle's Show

Thursday, May 05, 2005

What's Good On TV

American Idol
Yes I'm an Idol freak. Well, not a freak. Unless staying up 'til midnight to get an oppurtunity to vote for my favorite performer. The latest to go was Scott Savol. He really sucked. Absolutely awful. But he had fans. And he had a website dedicated to voting for the worst performer (here). Carrie's a star. She should win. But if she doesn't, Vonzell would make me happy. And even if Carrie doesn't win, she will still be a popular recording artist. She's bigger than American Idol. I'd buy her shit. I'd fuck her too, but thats beyond the point.

The O.C.
Easily the best scripted show on television. Be sure to watch it tonight. 2-hour episode! Very nice.

The Office
This show started a couple of weeks ago. It started off slow, but it picked up recently. I just love Steve Carrell. What a funny guy. He was hilarious in Anchorman. and was great when he was on The Daily Show. The show is an American version of the British series of the same name. The brains behind the British original, Ricky Gervais, is behind this project too. I liked the original more than this version, but maybe it'll get better.

Simple Life Interns - funny as shit. Paris and Nicole are hilarious. Too bad Nicole won't be on next season.

Books I'm Reading Now

Silent Power - I dont remember who recommended this book, but they said its really good. Its about not talking as much and getting more from just being silent and observant. I was into it until it started getting all metaphysical, and spiritual. The says that you have to feel people's energy field and communicate with their minds without talking. Yeah, really weird. D

Talking The Winners Way - This one is really good. The lady just gives small tips to use when talking to people. I realized that I'm a real bad communicator when talking to people. Its helped me a lot. And its not even big things either. Stuff like looking at people when you talk to them. And some more complicated techniques like "the flooding smile." Hard to explain. Good shit. A-

What Makes A Man - I just started reading this one. I got it cause in a world of alpha-male machismo, i need to plug myself into reality and figure out what really makes a man. Should be good. grade pending

The Low Down On Going Down - Cause you can never know enough about pleasuring a woman.


Finally, another semester over. And I am finally graduating from PBCC. And it only took me 6 years! Don't know what university I'm gonna sign with yet. Florida State is showing interest but I might want to hang out here and go to FAU. I was even thinking of going to a small liberal arts college where the emphasis is on learning and not partying. But we know that ain't gonna happen. Being as though I'm hoping to get my masters degree, I'm not really worrying about where the bachelor's degree comes from. Wow, bachelor's and master's degree. At the rate that I'm going at, I'll be done with school at 35. Holler.

Work It Out

In an effort to get off my lazy ass and get my shit together, I got a subscription to LA Fitness. I iust have to stick with it. That'll be a challenge since the only thing I've been able to stick with has been drinking. I never thought I'd say this, but I don't really like all the hot gym bunnies being there. I need to be concentrating on doing the workouts right and counting reps and sets. It's very distracting having a tight ass bending over in front of me. Hopefully I'll gain 25 pounds of pure muscle, move to hollywood and bang Jessica Alba. Wish me luck.