Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Rationalizing the Spirit

 Seeing the beginning of the Spirit (sorry, walked out) reminded me of a rhetorical structure I wanted to talk about. There was a triplet of characters with t-shirts emblazoned with Logos, Ethos, and Pathos.

Those three concepts set a clear framework from which speakers and writers can more effectively connect with their audiences.

Logos is using logic to persuade people. "We should walk out of this movie because our marginal utility functions provide sufficient reason to seek enjoyment in another theater."

Ethos uses ethics or morals to explain. "We should walk out of this movie because there's is something fundamentally wrong with sitting in a movie that you don't like. It's just wrong."

Pathos is using emotion to persuade. "I'm going to cry if we don't leave this movie. You don't want me to start wailing right here, right now, do you?"

The great speakers of the world, use the best combination of these three techniques to get their message across. Now you can too!

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Hi Adolf!

Okay so how do you know your parents are nuts? Just look on your birth certificate son. 

A couple in Easton, Pennsylvania kicked up a fuss when the bakery at Shoprite wouldn't put "Happy Birthday Adolf Hitler" on his cake. story So what did the cooky couple do? They went to Walmart! That's the best solution. Everyone knows Walmart doesn't have a heart. You can't offend people who value nothing but money. 

Shoprite should have honores their valid, albeit idotic, request. They offer to write the name down of whoever's birthday it is. Well that's his name. They got the proof. It doesn't matter if you don't like the name.

I feel bad for little Adolf. He's stuck with that name until he's eighteen. How bad is he gonna get made fun of. Those his moron parents better have their home-school kit ready for when he gets jumped one too many times by the school bully, Tyrone Malcom X Jackson.

I thought that there were certain names that you couldn't give your kids. In that case I can finally give my kid the name I've always wanted. I wonder how my dad's gonna react when he meets his grandson, Blacky McMonkey. He and little Adolf would get along great.

Ha... We Got You!!!

Ok... great you got me. I thought you were serious there for a sec. But okay, it was all a joke. Oh look, yea, I see the cameras right there. What? A new ABC show? Great. Do I win something? No? Oh well okay. A release? Oh so I can agree to let you use my image on your show? Let me think about it... 

Hell no! I ain't signing crap. I don't care if you all think I'm being a curmudgeon. You can all kiss my ass. Ever since Candid Camera invaded the privacy of normal people going about there business. Every starving segment producer with armed with a camera, release forms, and a 'wacky' host has been convinced that they have the next great prank show. 

Just leave us the hell alone. Why don't you do something daring and go write a script that's actually entertaining. You say everyone wants reality tv nowadays. Well that's because your scripted shows sucked! So instead of going back and being creative you all decided to just abandon using your brains and starting spitting out nothing but reality. Okay so you got some idiots to sign up for your stupid show. But that wasn't enough. Now people who are just trying to get to work have to help sell your garbage by being tricked, bothered, and made complete fools of to entertain your brainless audience. 

Well let me send you a message from everyone who doesn't want your stinkin cameras in our face. No, we will not sign a goddamn thing!

I thought MTV's Boiling Point was the lowest the prank shows could get. That is until I saw the crap on BET. Hell Date is quite possibly THE worst show that has ever made it on the air. I should've filed a complaint to the FCC just for sucking so bad. It's done terribly, the scenarios are stupid, and the people don't even win any money for having their time wasted! I want to know what Neanderthal's they convinced to sign on to their garbage. 

How empty does someone's life have to be to enjoy that kind of 'entertainment.' It sounds elitist, but it's so damn true. Seriously, I don't care if fans of those types of shows are offended that I think they are brainless retards. I'm ready to have a debate with anybody, anytime if they want to defend that trash. 

The only schadenfreudic indulgence I'll give you is a guy getting hit in the nuts. That will always be funny 'til the end of time. But that doesn't mean that I'll take a half-hour out of my day to watch people get hurt, have accidents, and get accosted by twenty-somethings with spiked hair. 

I had to examine why I enjoyed seeing people get hurt many years ago. And to all those who do enjoy it, I suggest you do the same.