J-Lo's Got Issues

I always heard that soundmen here the weirdest things when celebrities leave they're wireless mics on while on set. This story is probably the best one I've heard. Wonder if it's true though. Anyway, it's still funny as shit. Pun intended. story

Heading To The Cineplex

Sin City comes out on Friday. It's the first movie this year that I really want to check out. I heard only good things about it. Like the nuanced special effects; the intricate storyline; and Jessica Alba's ass crack. Can't wait.

Trailers
RottenTomatoes Reviews - overall 75%

What A Night

So we decided to go all out for Danielle's birthday. We rented a Hummer stretch limo, and invited 15 people from work to go out with us to celebrate. We got a bunch of beer and liquor, and warmed up at Hutter's. After about fifteen beer funnels and two renditions of Pieces Of Me on the guitar, we hopped in the limo and got the party started. The liquor was flowing and everyone was psyched and ready to have a good time.

(Pablo cheesing, and Geary rapping- well trying to rap)


(Kiersten, Janelle, Erla, and Pablo having a good ole' time)

We got to Club Safari and were greeted by a line reaching the entrance to the hotel. If you're not familiar with the club, there were about 150 in line. Apparently a fight broke out last week and the police and fire marshal showed up. The marshal saw that the club was over capacity and this week he was standing at the front door making sure that once capacity was reached it would be one-out one-in.

Pablo and I asked Brent to hook it up. He didn't do shit. He walked in the club and forgot about us. It was a fucking melee out there. Luckily, Shannon knew one of the bouncers, and he told us that we could get in if we bought 3 bottles at $50 each. We agreed and started filing in there. The crowd went from pissed at the employees, to pissed at us. And Chris tried to help by screaming out to them, "Haha, have fun in the line!"I had to grab him before he said anything inflammatory. Some gibronis tried to sneak in with our posse, and I had to regulate. This girl was slipping through and I said "Bitch, I don't know you. Get the fuck back." She was like, "Oh I'm sorry." I wanted to pop her in the jaw. But then I thought, "Damn, I'd be doing the same thing if I was her!"

So we get in, ready to party. I found everyone and saw what looked like arguing. I couldn't believe it. I was ready to chill and have a good time. The hostess did exactly what I feared. They told us that we would have to pay $220 per bottle, and buy three of them. And the chick was talking to us like we were shit. Shannon got into it with her. Next thing I know I see about five cops heading towards us. The bitch points to Shannon and the cops start pushing her out. The bitch said Shannon pissed her off and can't come back. I couldn't leave her out there, so I told everyone to get back in the Hummer.

We walk outside and everyone starts laughing at us. They were, "Ahh, did the bottles not work for yall." And, "Have fun in the limo!" Assholes. And again, Chris tries to make the situation better by yelling back at them. We get back in the limo all bummed out. JR and I knew that we had to put something together. JR proposed Cheetah's. Everyone agreed.

Cheetah's ended up being closed. Closed for Easter! Who the fuck do they think they're impressing. Is God gonna forget about all the debauchery because the strip club owners can get a conscience one day a year. Whatever. So we headed to Diamonds.

JR and I get out first to talk to the parking attendant and the door girl. We pay for everyone like the fucking babysitters we are and start a tab. With MY fucking card and i.d.! Everyone starts drinking and having a good time. The bartender was giving us shit but we knew we had to get drunk. But, of course, I wasn't able to just enjoy myself. Jenni wanted to go home.

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. All of us are out together and this depressed skirt wants to bail! By that point, I just wanted to go back inside, so I sent Joey, the limo driver, back to JR's to drop her off so she could go home and slit her wrists. So I went back into the club to seehave some massive babylons in my face.

So after two Liquid cocaine shots, and two heinekens I went to the bartender to check the tab. $380. I told her, "Stop it. Stop the fucking drinks. If any of these leaches ask you for another drink you tell them to go fuck themselves!" I go around to get some money and everyone starts with that I spent it all shit. "Fuck you bitch! Cough up $20 bucks, NOW!" We collected some money, then finally paid the tab. And we didn't tip the bitch much either. Cunt.

It was about 3:30 and we only paid for the Hummer til 4:00. So Mr. Nanny had to gather everyone together. "Get on the fucking bus, bitches." We pick up an eighteen pack, and are all wasted by this point. The ride back home was a fucking blast. I even made out with Erla (and I didn't suck her tit, no matter what you hear). I have no idea why. But she tasted so good on my lips at the moment.

We get back to JR's house and sent Joey off- with a great tip I might add. I was so exhausted by that time that I just went upstairs and found a spot on the floor in the seargent's room. Apparently, everyone kept drinking and got naked and went down to the pool. Cops came and everyone went back inside, made out, then passed out. Great!

If you ever have burning desire to punish yourself by inviting 15 of your closest friends to a night out on the town in a stretch limo, please just bang your head against a brick wall for a couple of hours. Because that's exactly what it will feel like. I gotta say, it was worth it though. Danielle said it was a great birthday gift. And everybody made the best of the night. And it gave me joy to know that because JR and I bore the burden of the logistics through-out the night, they didn't have to. And guess what, Jose's birthday is tomorrow! Now if I could just find Joey's number.


(Everyone at JR's house)


(JR, Me, and Chris. I think we're losing the seargent)


(Shannon, Danielle, and Krissy all dolled up)


(Look at Geary's pearly whites)


(Get this guy another drink)


(Aww, they're soo cute)


(Shannon getting molested)


(Smooth operator)


(Just in time for the strip show)

What A Piece Of Ass: Jessica Alba

I'm sure you've already realized that Jessica "Check Out My Creamy Skin" Alba. But allow me to re-introduce you to this beauty. I have two pic links. First is one from the good fellas at GorillaMask. here. Second is her latest shoot for GQ mag. here.

The Preggers Rumor Mill

Demi Pregnant? There is talk that Demi Moore is preggers. Ashton say it ain't so. I know you had to get the MILF urge out of your system. But when the lady's the mother of your child, the milf factor becomes nil. Hope this one is just a rumor.

Britney Pregnant? The Star's latest report is that Britney's gonna have a little. This one is probably true. Britney's been talking about starting a family for a while. She posted a message about it on her website, (which I visit religiously), link.

Jessica Simpson too? Jessica "Chicken of the Sea" Simpson says that she's ready to have a baby. And Nick says that he's ready to be a daddy. How sweet. She plans on having a bun in the oven by June. Maybe a kid will keep them married for a few more years. I will have adjust my estimate to divorce after ten years of marriage. They'll be forgotten by then anyways.

Visit The Love Shack

Hutter's got a new layout and new posts, even a new name. Check it out. If we hit his site enough, maybe he'll post more boobs. Great!

A Great Success!

I successfully stayed sober for a week. I feel stronger. More energized. Much healthier. But all that's gonna end soon. It's actually over already. I'm at school now and am still not fully functioning. We went out last night and had a grand ole' time. I missed Biology this morning, but that's understandable, who on earth can wake up and get to a classroom as bright and early as 11:00 am. I'm never signing up for a class that early again. And I saved $500 last week. It feels good to actually keep the money that I make. I made so much that I even splurged on some Kingston Super Skunk. The best weed cause I got it goin on.

Bar Hopping Sober

Going out last night without drinking gave me the oppurtunity to see the places that my buddies and I frequent in a clearer light. First of all, Brian Boru's is a zoo. There were at least five fights last night. A guy got reportedly stomped last week by fifteen guys for hitting a girl. I was wondering why we never get involved or barely see these fights. After enjoying a girl-on-girl brawl late last night, I went inside and saw my peeps just enjoying themselves as if nothing was going on around them. Ignorance is bliss.

We should start going to some different locations. We discovered a cool bar right down the street from Hutter, Rooney's. It's an authentic Irish pub with a vintage look. I wonder how many cool bars there are out there that we haven't been to yet. I think we need a new drinking home of the West Staines Massiv.

Day 4 - Cool, Day 5 - A Breeze

My friends thought that St. Patrick's Day would do me in, but I stood strong. I even went out with everyone and drove the inebriated ones home (including John Hutter, no judgments). I gotta say I wasn't tempted at all to drink. I think it's something that most of the people I hang out with don't understand about me yet. If I turn myself off to something, the switch is off. There is nothing that can convince me to drink this week. And if I made it through St. Patty's, I can make through any the rest of the week.

But why not drink? This is a test, this is only a test. I can walk into L.A. Fitness and demonstrate my physical strength, but I need to do things like this to demonstrate my inner strength. Not only to the world but to myself. There will be much more stressful situations in the future, and I need to build my strength now. Even if it's something as stupid as deciding to putting down the beer bottle. Miller Lite of course. God, it tastes so good on your tongue when you drink it. Be good Pierre.

Don't worry about me guys, I'll be fine. 2 days left.

Day 2- Fine Day 3- Even Better

I feel good. It feels weird being home at this time of night. I never knew how many things you could get done without a hangover. I think I could get used to this sober thing. But not too used to it of course.

Dry Week: Day 1

So I was downing a pitcher of Miller Lite the other night and reached fo rmy pocket and realized that I was about to spend all of my tips for my hard night's work on liquor. It was then that I realized that maybe I drink too much. At first I estimated $200 a week. But after a detailed audit, the liquor toll is now about $350 a week. Hutter estimates his toll at about $500, conservatively.

So we decided that we have to try to go a week without drinking. If not only to relieve our pockets, we'll also give our livers a break. I'm starting tonight. Everyone went to Safari and I had to pass. The first couple of days shouldn't be too bad. But I just noticed that St. Patrick's Day is on Thursday. Great timing, right.

But I'm going to stick to my guns and tough it out. So if I'm shaking and going into convulsions by Friday night you guys will understand. Wish me luck! $20 bucks, Hutter doesn't make it.

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Spring Break Baby!!!!!!

I'm sooooo drunbk right now. I've been drinking since 2;00 in the arfternoon. I even went to work wasted off my6 ass. Nobody noticewd a fucking thing. I'm going to dr5in,kmn some more. Great!!! I;'m so sorry that I havent been posting. This blog is like the only jo0y in my life. I love u guys. I'll bee back to rehgular posting soon. I love you. HGreeat!!!!


p.d. too drunk tioo find a cool pictusre too add to this post. hope you forgive meeee!

p.f. i took a webcam pic. here it is.
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