Monday, December 17, 2007

Nothin Like Thug Lovin

A child is being hailed as a hero today, but what's up with the mom?

Seliethia Parker, 30, was about to get shot and her daughter, seven year-old Alexis, jumped in front of the bullets getting shot herself and saving her mother's life in the process. The story seemed sad and heroic until I read this line, "Parker's former boyfriend, Calvin Tillie, a 29-year-old ex-convict on parole, was arrested in the shooting and charged with two counts of assault with intent to commit murder..."

Is anyone going to ask the mom why she was dating a dangerous ex-convict? What are the odds that this guy has never shown crazy aggression to her before? How likely is it that she's never seen him with the gun before? What are the chances that a friend will say he was bound to do something sooner or later, as crazy as he was?

I'm reminded of a scene in "Goodfellas," where the guy gives his wife a bloodied gun to hide and she says that she knew she should've been scared and left him, but for some reason she felt turned on by it. You ladies like the bad boys right? Well, where a bullet-proof vest for the next time he gets pissed at you.

I see single moms being held as heroes all the time. Although their child-rearing ability IS heroic, their man-picking ability is terrible (even life-threatening). Maybe this is the effect of all the romantic movies where a woman goes against what her parents and society thinks and "admirably" runs away with the love of her life to live happily ever after. I guess reality is saved for the sequel that turns into a horror flick, where Romeo shows his true colors and tries to murder the entire family in a drunken rage.

We've all known girls that have gotten with complete bums. Everyone says to leave him but she wants to listen to another Alicia Keys record and stay true to her love. You want to throw your life away? Fine, but don't come to us when he leaves you for the next "true love" of his, asking for some kind of government assistance or police protection for you and your kids. Why should we have to bear your destructive life choices?

Now there's a kid in critical condition and may soon die. What's worse, she's too young too understand the fact that her mother's idea of love for her didn't involve making a better choice of a mate. story

Thursday, December 13, 2007

2007 Superlatives: Best Drunk Celeb Video

Don't hassle the Hoff! Well... until he tells his daughter to film him if he ever relapses. She might've saved his life with this video. He was embarassed into sobriety, and we got a good laugh out of the whole thing.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Wisdom From Africa

Every morning in Africa, a gazelle wakes up.
It knows it must run faster than the fastest lion or it will be killed.
Every morning a lion wakes up.
It knows it must outrun the slowest gazelle or it will starve to death.
It doesn't matter whether you are a lion or a gazelle.
When the sun comes up, you better start running.
-African Proverb

What A Piece Of Ass: Leighton Meester

I don't really know much about this beauty, but apparently she's somewhere on tv and hot. Upon research I see she's on Gossip Girl. Never seen it. Maybe I should start watching.

Her best feature? Check out that strong nose and chin. Gotta love the angled chin. Her face needs to be in the Smithsonian. Thank you Mister and Misses Meester, you've definitely contributed to the beautification of this planet.

Thursday, December 06, 2007

Fed Up With Life? Want to Kill Yourself?

Then do it at home!

Don't go to the mall and take a bunch of us with you. We value life; you damn sycophant. Everybody's got problems. Every person you murder has problems that they are DEALING WITH. Some of those people are in situations so tough you'd think it was just a hollywood script. Our girlfriends have left us. Our parents suck too. We've gotten fired from our jobs before. Chill out.

Don't you know killing yourself is the stupidest form of getting attention? People will cry for five minutes and then you'll be forgotten forever. The worst solution!? It's the lazy way out of your issues. It's a sign of the ultimate drama queen. I don't care how bad you think it is now. Do not take your life. Yes, you're a moron. Yes, you're a failure. Yes, no one likes you; but only in THIS MOMENT. You still have the greatest power in the universe by your side; chance. You have a chance to turn things around. You have a chance to weather the storm. You have a chance to realize that you have the strength to get through it.

From a moral, ethical, societal, even economical point of view it's the worst thing you will ever think about. Don't even joke about it anymore.

But if you, in your infinite wisdom, decide to solve your problems the lazy way. Go hang yourself in your closet. Slit your wrists in the tub. Just leave the rest of us the hell alone. At least if you do it by yourself a few might feel sorry for you. If you go out guns blazing then you'll be remembered as being a troubled soul; and a consummate asshole.

Now eight innocent people are dead. For what? For what!? I think I'm gonna be sick. story

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

You Don't Watch Foreign Films!?

You don't know what you're missing. No, they aren't all weird and boring. They can be real interesting and look at things in a much different way than American filmmakers. And okay some of them can get kind of weird (like what's up with the vague Japanese endings?), but there are so many good ones. And no, it's not hard to read the text. You won't even realize it after the first five minutes. So don't worry about the bad ones, that's why I'm here. To watch the bad ones for you and pass on the keepers.

I'll throw a few essential Spanish language flicks into your foreign film starter kit. They aren't just good they are great. I'm starting you off with the absolute cream of the Latin crop. The next time you're at Blockbuster and are seriously contemplating Daddy Day Care or another Pirates movie. Just throw them both away and look for these:

Hable Con Ella/Talk To Her (Spain)

Plot: Two men share an odd friendship while they care for their girlfriends who are both in deep comas. It's a crazy story of love and friendship. You'll love the characters in it. Especially one of the ladies, she's so damned cute (even in a coma). Of the three, If I wanted to chill out, and learn something about life, this would be my pick. This might be the best foreign movie I've ever seen. If you don't watch it, it will be the greatest movie you've never given yourself the chance to experience. DON'T LEAVE THIS EARTH WITHOUT WATCHING THIS MOVIE.

'Talk to Her is so darned assured, we have absolutely no idea who the main characters are until the film is well under way -- and yet it's hard to stop watching.'

'Occasionally funny, always very colorful and enjoyably overblown in the traditional Almodóvar style.'

"Another knockout from Almodovar."

"Amoldóvar is a master of emotional texture, peeling away layer upon layer of the feelings...until he reaches Benigno's troubled psyche and Marco's benevolent soul."


Y Tu Mama Tambien (Mexico).

Plot: Two teenage boys go on a cross-country trip with a milf. Hilarity and potential sexploitation ensue. And no, you can't watch it with your parents around.

'Anyone with a passion for cinema, and indeed sex, should see it as soon as possible.'

'A smart, steamy mix of road movie, coming-of-age story and political satire.'

'Erotic, controversial, and unforgettable.'

City of God (Brazil, Portugese).

Plot: This movie takes you into the craziness of life on the streets in a Brazilian ghetto. You've never seen kids this hardcore. Never.

"That rare film that manages to be seductively entertaining without ever compromising its authenticity and power."

'A tremendous, skilfully composed film that impresses with its artistry and quirkiness while smacking you in the solar plexus with its message.'

'A real adrenaline rush -- at times it manages to be powerful, thrilling and funny and sometimes all three of them at the same time.'

post script: I was going to show you the other trailers, but they show way too much of the movie. You're better off just enjoying the movies without them.

You Betta Get It Girl

Get your pecker off my daughter(!) screams the angry parent. What are they so mad about? The way kids are dancing nowadays. Freak dancing, grinding; most kids just call it dancing.

Some say it's MTV. Some say it's lazy parenting. Whatever the cause, kids are dancing closer and closer to each other every year lately. School boards, PTA's, and community forums are meeting up about it. Parents are outraged. Politicians are being asked to step in. They say it's inappropriate, indecent and shouldn't be allowed. Are they right? Well, let's see.

Why Let Them Freak?

I'm getting a bit older and a bit more conservative but I gotta go with the kids on this one. Granted I would never allow my daughter or son to do it in front of me, but as a general society issue, it does more good than harm. Here's why.

The kids get to express something important in a controlled environment. Let's be honest, 14-17 year old guys aren't getting laid. They're pumped with hormones, zits, and awkward behavior, and have no willing ladies to...well pump out their hormones with. And young girls have their own mix of awkwardness, acne, and hormones with the added fear of not wanting to be thought of as sluts. Solution? The dance floor. Girls can get freaky with no judgment, and guys can get closer to chicks than they've ever been with no need for the suave to "game" anyone. So at that equilibrium we have a meeting of the minds and the genitals. Problem solved.

They aren't all going off to have sex afterwards. After the song is over, it's over. I remember at project graduation dancing hardcore with a girl for like a half-hour thinking we must of made some kind of connection. Ha! She looked at me like I was crazy when I tried to parlay our dance into something more. It is a controlled environment, with social rules and limitations put in place by the participants themselves. If the girls aren't looking to grind, they'll just surround themselves with their girls. The guys might whine a bit, saying, "If you ain't come to dance, take ya ass home." But don't worry about that, their little peepees are just sad. They know the deal.

It all looks much worse than it really is.

What The Parents Are Right About

The only thing I'll give the parents is that it is a bit inappropriate. That kind of intimate grinding really should be happening in private. There's times when two people are practically initiating coitus in front of God and the rest of the world. They're out there pumping as hard as they can. They guy's feeling her up and breathing hard down her neck. Her head's tilted back with her mouth open and her eyes shut. Okay, we might have to break that up at prom. But you normally see that from tacky adults. You probably won't be seeing that at the next Wellington homecoming dance (at least I hope not). But for the most part, we'd rather them do it out in the open instead of alone behind closed doors.

What If We Don't?

We tell the kids not to bang each other. They say okay we'll wait. But we gotta give them something. They have to let it out somehow. Complete repression will just turn them into perverted fools a few years down the line.

That's when we'll get more of the "humiliation" fetishes. Just a bunch of guys and girls that want to be tied up, beaten, spanked, choked, and pissed on for sexual pleasure. Because they will finally be able to dominate the other sex that was off limits to them all their life. Being kept from all sexual contact will eventually express itself in the saddest form.

We have to tough it out to if we want to have sexually healthy kids. Let them get freaky on the dance floor, as much as it pains us to watch some random, sweaty, Jay-Z wanna-be rub his junk on our daughters.

Friday, November 30, 2007

I Need A Smart Person

I want to know what you all think about the case of the girl who killed herself after being stalked by a prankster.

If you haven't heard the story here's the gist of it. Megan began chatting on myspace with a boy named Josh Evans. After a few weeks of flirting, Josh "suddenly turned mean," says her mother. He called Megan names and they began trading insults.

His last message said, "The world would be a better place without you.”

Sobbing, Megan ran into her bedroom closet. Her mother found her there, hanging from a belt. She was 13.

Six weeks after Megan’s death, her parents learned that Josh Evans never existed. He was an online character created by Lori Drew, then 47, who lived four houses down the street.

The prosecutors and police say they can't charge the lady with anything. A spokesman said that what Ms. Drew did “might’ve been rude, it might’ve been immature, but it wasn’t illegal.”

I think I have a defense for the parents of the girl, but I want to know what you think?


Thursday, November 29, 2007

And The Winner Is...

I'm filling out an application for a job at the courthouse. It asked if I have any experience operating heavy equipment? I was about to write, "No, but my girlfriend has." :O

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Thank God! No Wait...

"I began to think about the Hurricane Katrina victims... and uh you who are here who were not involved. I gotta song for you..."

Kim Burrell made this proclamation then sang "Thank You Lord." The lyrics go like this:

Tragedies are commonplace.
All kinds of diseases, people are slippin away.
Economy's down, people can't get enough pay.
But as for me, all I can say is
Thank you Lord for all you've done for me.

What has he done for you? Not involved you in the disaster? I guess she didn't find it odd to be thanking God that he didn't destroy her and her family in the hurricane. He didn't allow a natural disaster to obliterate every thing she owned. Thank him that he didn't collapse the infrastructure of her entire city, setting the area back hundreds of years. And he was gracious enough to not cause billions of dollars worth of damage that will take generations to fix. But he went ahead and did it to another family. He went ahead and destroyed ANOTHER town. Oh Hallelujah, thank the Lord!

Why can't God just be left alone. I bet he's in heaven saying who told you that I'm responsible for natural disasters?

We're sitting here saying that it's for a greater good that our simple minds couldn't understand. Our inferior human intellects couldn't understand why a loving God would sacrifice innocent children for teaching purposes. We are too ape-like to see that God can't "love" those children because his actions void out the exact definition of love.

What if you had to die for someone else to learn a lesson about the importance of the simple things in life. Would you sign up? Would it seem so reasonable then? Would you mind sacrificing your entire family so a couple in California can be more thankful for their dinner? Only someone who had no love would nominate themselves for that.

Only a crazy dictator would kill people than tell the rest of the country it was for their own good. That even though we don't understand the reason, we should just shut up and accept it.

And yet we stand up and say lets send our prayers out to New Orleans or to Bangladesh or Africa. Please, no let's not. I think God has done enough work over there. We don't need any more lesson giving God. And if God has a divine purpose over there why would we pray for him to stop it?

Why don't we all pray, "Hey God we get it! We don't want to see any more people die needlessly. We understand that life is precious and that material things don't really matter. Cut it out already!"

Maybe God is a better creator than teacher. Or perhaps God doesn't send natural disasters, and we are anthropomorphizing a natural, unfortunate event.

Why can't we just look at the facts and realize that disasters are random events caused by natural movements of the earth.

We don't accept nature because we're scared. To know that a calamity could hit us at any moment is just too much of a burden for us. We'd rather think a 24 hour ADT surveillance God is watching over our house. We'll believe this even in the face of contrary evidence.

We'll believe it until our house gets washed away in a flash-flood and we have nothing else. Then we'll surely realize that he went back on his promise and is a liar. Oh wait that won't happen... we'll still keep believing! We'll go on to say God had a divine purpose for destroying our lives. That somehow in his endless love for us, he thought it better that our child would die in our arms. And if you don't understand how he is a great God for doing that than well... well it's your loss buddy.

No I don't thank God that I wasn't in a disaster. If he is able to keep me from disaster than he would have been able to keep the others from it too. Now if I thought that disasters were random events I would be glad the event didn't happen to me and feel bad for those afflicted. Hmm... maybe our simple minds are starting to figure out the truth???

Pray for me :-o

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

When Atlas Couldn't Bear The World Anymore...

He shrugged.

Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged has been my latest conquest. I never thought I could get through it (1000 pages). But about half-way through I was glad it wasn't going to end yet. People who are disillusioned about life could save a lot of therapy money and just read this book. No other piece of media has made me feel like I have so much potential.

I swear by my life--and my love of it, that I will not live for the sake of another man nor ask another man to live for mine.

After getting this message pounded in your head for a 1,000 pages you start to get the picture.

The story is pretty simple. A group of industrialists battle with bureaucracy to keep producing their products. Especially a woman that tries to run a railroad company. And a guy that runs a foundry that makes a new metal alloy. If I tell you anymore it'll take too much away from the story. There's a mysteriousness that starts with the first sentence that would be diluted if you heard more details or read any book reviews.

And don't worry you won't be the only one reading it. Millions of copies have been sold since being published in 1957. In a Library of Congress poll, readers were asked what book most influenced their lives. First was the Bible, second was Atlas Shrugged. It has been named one of the ten-best novels of all time by nearly every reader poll.

Of all the books I've read, this is easily my strongest recommendation. A+

Monday, October 22, 2007

The Day I Stomped My Own Flesh And Blood

Did I ever tell you about the time when me and 15 other guys beat my brother up in the middle of Clematis? And found out that cops aren't as understanding as we first think?

When I was about 18 me and a bunch of guys that I knew were hanging out on a Thursday night. We were bored and broke. Which is the worst possible combination for guys, btw. We always come up with bad ideas. I wish the Medical Census Bureau could do a study on how much property damage and bodily injury is caused by guys with no money and nothing to do.

So we started talking about going to Clematis. But no one wanted to just walk around and watch everyone else spend money and have a good time. Somehow we got to talking about fights, and how crazy it would be if someone got jumped. How would the crowd react? Would other guys jump in and try to save the person? So I said why don't we stage a fight? Everyone's eyes lit up. Especially my brother Joel. He was all for it. So he got picked as the innocent victim. Actually, I think he nominated himself.

We plotted the thing out like we were filming a scene for the next summer blockbuster. We started drawing shapes in the sand like the guys from Heat. We would start the chase on the north end of Clematis. The victim will go down in the busiest part of the street. We would beat him down and escape through the east and west ends.

We get to our station and my brother circles around the block to get to his. By this point we are so pumped. The adrenaline is flowing and the fifteen of us were walking like we really wanted to kill someone. People already started looking at us weird.

I didn't see Joel yet. I thought he might've picked the wrong street. But then my cousin Serge screams out, "There he is! Get him!!" My brother screams. We scream. And the entire street stops. We're running and screaming as fast and as loud as we can. The commotion worked perfectly; everyone turned around to see what was going on. Random guys started running behind us to catch up to the action.

We ran and ran but couldn't catch him. He was too fast! Finally, my cousin grabbed him and threw him to the floor. We surrounded him and starting doing the kicking motion. Maybe our adrenaline was going to high at that point because we really started roughing him up. He was squirming in the middle like a raccoon caught in a trap.

Someone yelled out, "The COPS!" There were three of them. I think we can out run them, but damn we didn't think one of them would be on a bike! We started running for our lives. But no one remembered the right exit plan. So we were bumping into each other and scattering like a bunch of idiots.

The cops grabbed as many of us as they could. And oddly enough, the first person they handcuffed was my brother. And as if he wasn't beat up enough, they pinned him to the wall then pushed him down to sit on the curb.

The rest of us were scotch free. We would just go to the car and meet up with them later. But we couldn't abandon the fallen soldiers. After debating, we went back and told the cops that we were just playing. The cops looked at us like we were crazy. I guess we didn't really think out the negotiation plan. We pleaded with them, but they weren't hearing it. I saw our boys in cuffs and kept on talking. I thought one of our guys was gonna cry. The look he gave me said please don't let them take me to jail, please!

The cops finally let them go. We were happy with the results, but it was just a little too crazy for us. I don't think Joel felt the same way though, I think he wanted to go try it out at Cityplace.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Entering The Fourth Quarter

The new year will be upon us soon. When you look back on your year what will you say? Will you be happy with your actions? Disappointed at your failures? Or will you be disappointed at your failure to act?

You will be one year older and hopefully one year wiser. Another year of fighting the good fight to make your dreams come true. What have you learned so far? What do you have left to learn? A wise man once said, "Life is willing to teach if your willing to listen." You've been given chances to learn new lessons every day of your existence. Did you catch them?

Words from an old soul:

"I used to look at my advancing age as an impending doom. As each day passed, the light of my life became dimmer. I would lie in my bed at night and welcome a terrible thought: what if this was my last day?"

"I had to wake from that nightmare. Life wasn't ending, it was waiting to begin. Each day offered another chance to live. I accepted the offer. God gave me all the tools I needed. I couldn't ignore them any longer. I stopped feeling sorry for myself and made this life the best one I knew how."

What tools have you been given? Will you show the world what you're made of? Or will you be another forgetful tombstone. How far down does your strength go? Is there anything valuable growing way down deep on the inside of your being?

Are you still looking for handouts? Are you waiting for someone to give you a chance or are you making paths where none were?

All we're going to remember of you is what you've created. And each year you have a chance to add more to your legacy. What did you do this year that you're proud of? What did you create? You still have time. You think you got what it takes? Fine. Prove it. No, not to me... to your self.

Monday, October 15, 2007

College Football And The Power Of Suggestion

This season has been unprecedented. This many top schools have never went down so hard. The unbeatable Trojans got whipped. LSU went down. Oklahoma and Texas didn't escape. Florida got turned to gator meat (twice haha). And it's all for one reason and one reason only: the power of suggestion. The Appalachian State miracle changed the season and maybe college football for the next decade.

Psychologists have long since proved that suggesting different things to people affected the subjects' perceptions, memories, and even beliefs. In fact, most of what we do is from suggestion. Try this: the next time you're out watch how much people copy each other. Reach for your drink and your mate will reach for theirs too. Yawn and you'll trigger a yawn in your friends. Beat a top ten school and all your buddies will go and beat some too.

The power of suggestion is really the power of example. There is tremendous strength in seeing something done before your eyes. The challenge transitions from theory to practice. After it's done there is no more discussion about it's possibilities. And everyone will start to say, "If he can do it, I can do it."

Appalachian State opened the door to a belief in the minds of every small school in America. The headline was, "They did the impossible!" well think about that line. If it was, it's not impossible anymore. That's suggestion! That's the example. And now we're seeing the fallout.

Teams won't lie down and get run over anymore by big schools. They will fight with not only everything they got, but now everything they believe they can have.

So then top schools have to bring their "A" game every Saturday; which is proving to be too difficult. Why? They're not pros. College kids have exams, girlfriends, and futures they're thinking of. You will not get 100% every Saturday. This flaw has just never been revealed before because there was no hope.

Hope. Faith. Miracles. Evil words to atheists, scientists, and top college programs.

Monday, October 01, 2007

How A Four-Letter Word Changed Women Forever

Why do women seem to worry more about dating than men? Where does the sexual anxiety of young girls come from? And why are women never "ready" to get some one-on-one cozy time going??

The world changed the first time a woman was called a slut. Etymologists think it was first uttered in 1375. It might've come from the German schlutt, the Swedish slata, or the Dutch slodder. It could mean, a slovenly woman, a prostitute, sloppy, dirty, untidy, immoral, adulterer.

Assholes. You all had to go and mess it up for every man and woman for the rest of humanity.

Ever since the 15th century, every girl that has reached puberty has had one goal, to not be called a slut. There is no worse label that could be slapped on a girl in grade-school. They would rather be called cannibals.

Because once you get the scarlet "S" you might as well kiss your social life goodbye. You will be relegated to be friends with other immoral girls.

So the plan is to not engage in any sexual activity. No touching, kissing, or even looking at the football players from the sidelines during practice.

Problem? It's not normal to repress sexual development. No girl could do that, and none should. Another issue, the guys whose attention the chicks want are going to want to wrestle a little closer at some point.

So what's a girl to do? Do it behind closed doors. Everything's hush-hush. There's no open discussion about sexual wants or needs among any females under the age of 18. Any hint that it is something that you are looking forward to will send off a red alert to the slut police. and their itching to bring another harlot to moral justice.

Now every time we guys get close to girls we have to play by the rules. Of course we want to tango and they do too, but neither of us would dare tell each other the truth. That would just be absolutely crazy.

"Here's the deal pal, I'll pretend not to want to do anything, and you pretend you just want to hang out. We'll start off by just talking and things will get flirty. At some point we'll both know what's going to happen next. But don't let your little man get too happy! Don't say anything dumb like 'uhh, so... do you wanna f*@k' Of course I want to you idiot! But anything we say can and will be used against me in the court of looseness. Just tell me you have some new cd to show me in your room or something. Then we'll accidentally, key word there big boy, accidentally, end up on your bed. Then whatever happens next is your fault. You get it? It can't be my fault. Sluts ask for sex, ladies accept it."

"And don't go back to your little friends talking mess like, 'Yea son.. yea sunnn! I took care a dat dere.' I swear if you do, I'll make sure you never have any kids little boy. You wanna brag? Keep what we do to yourself. Keep playin it cool with your mouth shut and your fly open and every girl in the school will be glad to give you some. Then when we have a reunion ten years later and you see the that the big jock married the head cheerleader, you can tell your little friends, 'They didn't the call her the Head cheerleader for nothin."

Us guys don't understand what the big deal is, but if that's the way we have to play then we'll oblige our better halves. Of course, once girls reach about 30 they realize that the whole thing was a big load of cow dung. And that the girls in the honor society and the Christ rules committee were the worst ones. They see that the whole time they were trying to make people happy they could've been enjoying life.

There is no such thing as a slut. There are just some women who are more liberated than others. If premarital sex goes against your morals, then close up shop and look for your husband. And if your morals revolve around making this life the best one possible because no one is sure what's going to happen after, than seek out every pleasure available to your senses. Eat the best foods, listen to the sweetest music, and have the best sex this side of glory.

But make your decision and stick with it. Don't be the girls that just try to eek their way through life. Not ever choosing to keep themselves pure for their husbands, or purify their husbands with themselves. Don't be the one that doesn't live for her God or her self, but just lives for people. Those women are the bottom dwellers. The woman that is immoral is the one that lies to herself. Don't prostitute your values. The adulterer is the woman that cheats on her true self.

bye for now,
seek life,
seek liberty,
and the pursuit of you,

(picture author: jeannie86 at Flickr)

Thursday, September 27, 2007

TV Land

Am I too tough of a critic? I can't stand 90% of television. I've checked some new shows and will blog more about them soon. I've seen into Kid Nation, Kitchen Nightmares, The Bachelor, Chuck, K-Ville, and Journeyman.

Of course I would've never been able to watch these shows without the new online "full-episode" trend. I don't have dvr anymore so it's the only way to catch any tv.

But back to the aesthetics, tv's pretty terrible nowadays. I hate shows that try to be cool. HATE them. K-ville and Journeyman are real offenders. All slick camera angles and quick-cut editing make me sick. Maybe it's because I learned the behind the scenes ways of making shows like that. It's unnecessary and adds nothing to the show. But it seems like it's the way it's going to be.

So I'm going to try to be more accepting of that style. I'm going to watch a few episodes of the worst of the worst. A show is the cream of the crop of the wanna-be-cool shows. The Peter's Most Wanted Criminal Corn TV suspect; Heroes. Ugggh...I'm cringing as I write, but I will watch at least three episodes from last season. Okay two... I don't want to go crazy and kill someone or anything.

Why am I doing it? Cause I like tv. I love watching new shows. I think the action and drama genres have a lot to offer. And honestly, I don't want to hate them all. And my hatred's getting worse. I used to dig the fingernails of my right hand into my left when I saw corny tv directing. I did it just so I wouldn't scream at the tv. I did it so much that I thought I was going to draw blood.

Now I just yell. And THANK GOD I'm by myself at my house most of the time. If my brother came home when I was watching Heroes, he would've probably called the cops, then an exorcist.
So wish me luck.

One last thing: I used to lose my voice, and people would ask me if I was at a football game. I just said I watching tv. "Oh, so you watched the game on tv and cheered." "No, I was watching CSI."

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Friday Movie Marathon

It rained all day yesterday. Time to stay in and have a marathon. I went to the library and picked up some flicks.

The Godfather

Yes I finally watched it. I've always told people that my generation was stuck in between a lot of great movies. I was to young to see Star Wars. I didn't watch E.T. til I was eighteen. I was like three when it came out! And I never watched the "greatest movie ever made," The Godfather.

I loved it. I kind of new some plot points and thought it would mess it up. But there are like three different climaxes. I loved Sonny, played by James Caan. He reminds me of me at 21. Michael is the man though. He didn't care much about the business until he had to do be a man and take control. He seemed real calm most of the time, but could get crazy any second. And everyone knew it, so they didn't mistake his meekness for weakness.

Another that got me was the old school romance between Michael and the Italian girl. He went and got permission from the dad. And courted her like a man.

Different aspects of the Godfather resonate with each person. The respect theme throughout the movie is what got me. Respect for family. Respect for friends. And most of all, respect for the self. Great movie.

Marie Antoinette

I don't care for Kirsten Dunst, but I like Sofia Coppola. She directed the hell out of Lost In Translation, and she tried her best with this one. Dunst was just so bad. She killed the movie. She's got this lifeless look on her face that is depressing. Obviously Scarlett Johanssen was busy. There's no way Dunst was the first choice. A mannequin would've given them better expressions, and at a cheaper price too.

It definitely had some potential though. Coppola is a great director and I'm sure she'll come up with something else soon.

Iraq In Fragments

Can't resist a documentary. It was calm, but stylish. reserved, and powerful. It's weird to say but it was a chilled out, exciting movie.

I'm glad the director made it stylish. You've seen those docs that want to be soo respectful and serene that they forget they're making a movie for entertainment. This guy stayed true to the art form and the subjects.

What happens in it? Simple, there are three separate stories. We follow a young Iraqi boy in Baghdad who works in his uncle's motorcycle shop. Then we go south and follow an entire city controlled by Shiite extremists. Then up north to a Kurdish farm. Where a boy has to decide to go to school or tend the farm with his dad.

Wisdom from an old Kurdish farmer:

"There are two men wrestling." Someone asks, "Who's side is God on?"
"The winner. God is always on the side of the winner."

Great movie.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

A Little More On The Six

What do the Jena 6 demonstrators want? They say justice. But doesn't that mean keeping the kids in jail?? They committed a crime. At first they were charged with attempted murder. Then the charged was lessened. Now they face the lesser charge of battery. Did they not commit battery? Yes. And now they have to go to court for it.

I saw signs that said free Jena 6. They are freed. Except one who has to hear what he's officially being charged with. That's why he's still in jail! It's called habeus corpus.

They say blacks are standing together. No we aren't. Don't throw me into your gang.

These guys are criminals and should be prosecuted like criminals.

The three neuces have nothing to do with it. That incident happened three months before the attack.

So let me get this straight. Some racist white kids threw neuces up on a tree. And got suspended for it. Then SIX black kids beat up ONE white kid three months later who had nothing to do with it? Yea there's some injustice; for the poor white boy who got his ass kicked just because of the COLOR OF HIS SKIN.

Making a neuce is not a crime. Nor is displaying it. But jumping someone til they're bloody is.

So the real point in all this is that the black boys' feelings were hurt when they saw the neuces.

"Some white people still don't like us." That's what all those demonstrators should be shouting.

How can you force the nation to like you? They don't like you, they don't like you. You got two options: change or get over it. And obviously we aren't changing so I guess we have to just GET OVER IT.

You can't legislate love. I think that's what we as a race don't understand. All we are is just a bunch of red-headed step-children. We never really felt like Americans. And we always felt a little left out. Nobody wants to play with us.

I don't think we need the world to change, I think we need to grow up.

This Week In Black People: Jena 6

Let's just stop trying to figure out the black race. Seriously, I'm going to call my senator and ask him to institute legislation that bans the nation from trying to figure out, appease, or attempt to make the dark brown race happy.

We coloreds have every chance to succeed that our pale-skinned neighbors have. I'm going to school now and haven't had to pay for all of it. I got hired at a insurance office with no other black employees just by batting my pretty lashes. There's only one place that racism still exists.

In private! That's it. And in no more than groups of two. When nabisco shredded wheat crackers talk to each other they trade black jokes. When their crackerette girlfriends talk to each other they lament about how annoying black people are. No harm, no foul. I remember a white girl who didn't know I was listening say to someone, "Oh my god do you have a comb, I have nigger hair today!" Was I mad? Of course I was. But did I have a right to be?? Hmm... you got to think about that one.

It was her damn house I was in. And if she knew I was there she would've never said it. And plus if I was in a black person's house filled with our people and someone said, "Cracker hair." or "White devil skin." Or ANY variation of any white insult no one would care. In fact, here's an exercise for all black people; try to think of one insult that could be said about white people that would offend a group of our own.

Don't bother, it doesn't exist. But imagine if a white person went into work and said to a group of whites, "some nigger cut me off on 95." Okay, maybe the n-word is just to offensive of a word. What if they said, "some black asshole cut me off." Still someone would have a problem with it.

We're the new Jews. White people love making fun of Jews in private. But they know better than to talk some sh*t about them in public.

Stop racism? Haha, stop racism!? When black people stop shooting people, and talking loud in movies racism will end.

It's not the color of our skin or the baggy jeans; it's the chip on the shoulder and disregard for the law that are associated with it that people hate. If black people really wanted to make a change, they'd separate themselves from the violent rap music and the lawless street culture.

And it's happening. That's what's making it possible for blacks to have careers and become successful lawyers, doctors, and CEO's. It's because there seems to be two types of black people. You have the Denzel Washingtons, the Terrence Howards, and the Tyler Perry's on one side. And you have the O.G.'s on the other. Is one MORE black than the other? Of course not, one is just more of what we need now.

Oh I almost forgot. Here's the story that got me thinking of this post. story

Excuse me Madame

Unbridled passion, deception, guilt; can we pack any more themes in one book!? I picked up Madame Bovary after it was mentioned in the movie Little Children. Honestly, I was expecting to be asleep by the end of the first page.

How did I get sucked into a book about romance in the early 18oo's in France? One: it's written well. It went down easy. Obviously credit should go to the translator(originally written in French) who made the book as easy to read as possible while keeping true to what the author, Gustave Flaubert, wanted to convey.

Two: it's relevant. I meet women like the madame every day. You know the type. A bunch of women who are stuck in boring relationships and dream about actually doing something about it. Well this lady acted on it. Actually, she went nuts trying to live the life she wanted.

Three: It's an important novel. If you're into reading, then you'll recognize this book helped start the "literary realism" movement. It is also considered one of the best novels ever written. I don't know about that, but then again I'm not really part of the literati. What the hell do I know. I just know when a book is relevant to me in some way.

We can all see aspects of Madame Bovary in us. How much depends on how stuck or how crazy we are.

Friday, September 14, 2007

Headline: Britney Heard Lard and Clear

That crazy fan is right. Just leave her alone.

Everyone is ragging on Britney Spears after her performance(?) Sunday night at the VMA's. I saw it on Youtube (here). It didn't seem that bad to me. I thought her body looked pretty normal. Yea she used a vocal backing track, but it's not the first time that's been done on the show. Yea her dance moves were pretty bad, but it wasn't that bad.

All the slurring and sloppy choreography just seemed like a little drunkeness. This was her first big performance in a while and she got nervous. She drank a bit to ease her nerves and didn't do great.
Oh well, game over. Hit reset and start again.


People don't forget and she spirals even deeper into depression. To which she'll stop making albums and the endorsements will fade away. The bills will start piling up and she might go fall even further. Dr. Drew says we might have another Anna Nicole on our hands if things don't turn around. Not if her fan base can do something about it.

(editor's note: Headline from The New York Post.)

Saturday, September 08, 2007

J Lo's Back

J Lo's music has been shoved down our throats since her first single. Get ready for another helping, kids! That's right, she's got another terrible album to peddle.

I heard her first single "Do It Well." What a heaping pile of unoriginality that is. You remember earlier this week how I posted about Amy Winehouse? Well Mrs. Lopez is the exact opposite of that. She's the epitome of what's wrong with artistry today. Watching her new video I only heard one thing from her "I need money, please buy the cd!"

It's blatant selflessness. She's almost so proud to be a carbon copy of today's trends that it's almost shocking; almost. Didn't she make a song called "I'm Real?" What happened to that idea? Back then her music was sometimes listenable because it seemed like she had something to say.

The music sounds like everything else out, the video looks like everything else around. Maybe she's hoping that we love and miss her so much that won't notice she's not saying or doing anything new. Haha fat chance.

Maybe the rest of the public will do as me and not pay any more attention to her music. Wouldn't that be great; just a collective, nationwide yawn. A man can only dream.

video - Do It Well

Note on picture: She says she's even changed her pose. haha what a blowhard. She's released Magnum on us. omg!! haha

Headline: High School Star Goes Nude

I saw that headline on a news site with the lede: Nudie pics of 18-year-old "High School Musical" star Vanessa Hudgens have hit the Internet. Will this hurt Disney's empire?

Hurt Disney? No.

The victims are going to be the penises of all the pubescent boys who are going to vigorously scour the internet for the pictures and vigorously masturbate for the next six months straight.

Stuff like this never happened when I grew up. Could you imagine if nude pictures of a young Alyssa Milano came out while we were fantasizing about her on Who's The Boss? Even a naked D.J. Tanner. It would've been game over. Seriously, I'm still asking my johnson for forgiveness for when I first saw Pam Anderson in Barb Wire. Especially the director's cut, with the extended hose scene. I'm so sorry little buddy.

(editor's note: Sorry can't show the nsfw version; my lawyers would have a fit.)

Thursday, September 06, 2007

God's Favorite Game

I noticed that I've never posted about poker. For the amount that I play, you'd think that's all that I'd have on my mind.

I'm considering a new feature titled In Poker And In Life. Where I would discuss the parallels of the two.

For now, I just like playing it. Especially real money games. I get excited when I think about putting my money on the line. There's something very real about it.

I've been playing a lot of tournaments. Mostly just for play but I've been making a transition to real money games. And I've been doing pretty good. I cashed yesterday in a sit-n-go at the kennel club.

I just don't have the finances to play more at the track. So I'll just stick to Full Tilt Poker for now. Maybe I'll see you on there. Look for me. I play as God ShammGod.

You Should Hear This: Amy Winehouse

Amy Winehouse is my favorite artist as of late. There's only one type of artist I respect; the one that doesn't lie.

She has a great voice and is a true performer. But that's all a backdrop to her unapologetic integrity.

I see strength in her. I get strength from seeing her.


The Fountainhead and My Next Jump

I realized that I was in a coma in 2000. And I've been trying to wake up ever since. I've had some breakthroughs that have opened my eyes. But I've been feeling disoriented for a year. I don't think my eyes were used to seeing yet.

I read Ayn Rand's The Fountainhead. Now I'm even more messed up. The good kind of messed up.

You haven't read it? You should.

It's like one of those money machines they used to have in the mall. They were the ones with the dollars flying around in a clear telephone booth sized box. If you go in with just your bare hands you'll pick up a few bucks. But if you went in there with a sticky suit on you'll walk away pretty rich. The book has a treasure of good stuff in it, but if you don't have the tools to pick it up, it'll be a waste of your time.

I've definitely taken a step forward though. I'm auditing my selflessness doctrine. It may not last long under the bright light of my ego.

Another End For Entourage

The Entourage season finale was Sunday. Our favorite Queens crew finished another adventure in Hollywood.

The season started strong. The guys took a big risk and went off to make their dream movie. It was tough but they finished it and took it to the Cannes Film Festival to debut it and hopefully sell to a studio.

So for the grand finale, the movie bombs and they end up selling the movie for $1 to Harvey Weinstein.

What a let down. After that entire season. After following the guys around for ten episodes and four months that's all we get.

My theory is that the writers didn't want to be cliche. They wanted to "break the mold" and have us learn some greater lesson through their loss. It's BS.

Would it be too much for their movie be a huge hit and they get all that they worked for? They risked everything and went broke to make their movie. Is this the message we want to send to the public? Get off your lazy ass and actually do something and you'll probably be a complete failure.

I don't need a dose of reality from my entertainment. Thanks guys, but I get it already. I see crappy reality around me everyday. I want to be able to cheer for the guys and see them win. If I wanted reality I'd watch the news.

You guys aren't breaking any molds. A lot of shows and movies are getting into your ruse. Every sports movie I watch now the good guys lose the big game. Newsflash: you're being cliche by having them lose now.

And maybe grown-ups might be able to pull some greater message from loss. But your crap's even being done in kid's movies now. The good guys lose in every Disney flick now. Now kids can absorb our depressed outlook on life nice and early. Maybe we can kill their dreams before they think of getting up and doing something with their lives. Thanks, assholes.

How about you don't worry about what everyone else thinks and just keep true to your show. These guys are obviously living fantasy lives. They smoke all day and get with Anna Faris at night. So wouldn't it be make sense for them to succeed with the business too? Why are you all the sudden stricken with the guilt of their lifestyles? Have them win and let us be happy for them.

It's a great show. It's just being run by spineless jellyfish armed with growing expense accounts and contempt for integrity. Ari Gold would've fired your asses by now.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Drinker's Response

Every month or so we drinkers have to listen to the bartenders go on about the woes of bar business. We've heard you complain for a while, maybe you all need to hear what we have to say for once:

Okay so the guy in the nice suit didn't tip you well. Awww you poor thing. Maybe if you got off your ass and made him a drink when he asked instead of flirting with the skank-ass junior college chicks in the corner he would've dropped you a couple bucks.

And please cut the crap about "We see you." "Just make eye contact." Hah! Bull shit. You don't see a damn thing. Especially you guys: if it doesn't have a pair of tits it might as well be invisible. If we didn't say anything we'd be standing there til last call.

So here are the rules bartenders:

#1 - Respect the patrons. This can't be said enough. We go out week in and out spending our money to pay your rent. We could've went to the club next door, but we decided to try you out. Don't give us attitude when we come up to your bar. We came to give YOU money and keep YOUR lights on.

The guys aren't so bad with this one, because they know if they sell out too much we're liable to reach over the bar and put things into perspective for them. But you ladies are unbelievable sometimes. We don't know what makes you think you have a free pass to cuss out everyone that doesn't tip you 50%. Every guy has been disrespected by a female bartender for no apparent reason before. Yes, we know a lot of guys hit on you. You don't have to take it out on everyone else.

Plus, you got on shorts so short that we can see your ovaries and your top is cutting off your circulation, please cut the shit about being 'bothered' all the time. (And we see those stains on your shirt btw. You wore the same one last night and the night before that. The club ain't that dark honey.)

#2 - If you can't remember the order, right it down. We even warn you sometimes. "Hey I got six drinks for you." "Ok," you say. "You sure?" "Yea go ahead." But of course what's gonna happen? We wait ten minutes and you come back with five drinks; and two of them aren't even close to what we asked for. Pay attention or grab a pen.

#3 - If you can't handle a rush, work the day shift. Stop standing their like a deer in the headlights. Yes, you are busy, what were you expecting. It's not your first day. You're moving in slow motion while the bar's piling up.

Listen, if someone's not ready, just move on. Problem solved. Don't sit there for twenty minutes talking to the frat guy who's trying to get you to make some random shot called the Optimus Prime that he and his buddies made up while smoking out. Just move on!

#4 - Reciprocate. Your rules say that you'll remember us when we tip big, but you never do. We hook you up and you don't even look at the tip. You just throw it in the bin and ignore us like everyone else when the next round comes along. We will gladly take care of you up if you do the same.

#5 - Don't get wasted behind the bar. Some guy wants to buy you a Jager shot? Cool. The big spender on the end wants to hit up some Patron with you? Okay. But don't be surprised when you're stumbling around getting yelled at by everyone cause you keep forgetting what they ordered and giving the wrong change back. Bartenders claim to be able to drink anyone under the table. Well fine, but why don't we wait til after hours to prove your mastery, ace.

Finding a good bartender is just as important as finding a good tailor or barber. And the qualities that are needed are about the same. We just need a cool person who knows what they're doing. When we get along things can go very well for the both of us.

So maybe we're all not gonna be holding hands and singing Kumbayah. But if we respect each other's situation and act accordingly we'll all be much better off.

**Repost this if you agree**