Monday, October 22, 2007

The Day I Stomped My Own Flesh And Blood

Did I ever tell you about the time when me and 15 other guys beat my brother up in the middle of Clematis? And found out that cops aren't as understanding as we first think?

When I was about 18 me and a bunch of guys that I knew were hanging out on a Thursday night. We were bored and broke. Which is the worst possible combination for guys, btw. We always come up with bad ideas. I wish the Medical Census Bureau could do a study on how much property damage and bodily injury is caused by guys with no money and nothing to do.

So we started talking about going to Clematis. But no one wanted to just walk around and watch everyone else spend money and have a good time. Somehow we got to talking about fights, and how crazy it would be if someone got jumped. How would the crowd react? Would other guys jump in and try to save the person? So I said why don't we stage a fight? Everyone's eyes lit up. Especially my brother Joel. He was all for it. So he got picked as the innocent victim. Actually, I think he nominated himself.

We plotted the thing out like we were filming a scene for the next summer blockbuster. We started drawing shapes in the sand like the guys from Heat. We would start the chase on the north end of Clematis. The victim will go down in the busiest part of the street. We would beat him down and escape through the east and west ends.

We get to our station and my brother circles around the block to get to his. By this point we are so pumped. The adrenaline is flowing and the fifteen of us were walking like we really wanted to kill someone. People already started looking at us weird.

I didn't see Joel yet. I thought he might've picked the wrong street. But then my cousin Serge screams out, "There he is! Get him!!" My brother screams. We scream. And the entire street stops. We're running and screaming as fast and as loud as we can. The commotion worked perfectly; everyone turned around to see what was going on. Random guys started running behind us to catch up to the action.

We ran and ran but couldn't catch him. He was too fast! Finally, my cousin grabbed him and threw him to the floor. We surrounded him and starting doing the kicking motion. Maybe our adrenaline was going to high at that point because we really started roughing him up. He was squirming in the middle like a raccoon caught in a trap.

Someone yelled out, "The COPS!" There were three of them. I think we can out run them, but damn we didn't think one of them would be on a bike! We started running for our lives. But no one remembered the right exit plan. So we were bumping into each other and scattering like a bunch of idiots.

The cops grabbed as many of us as they could. And oddly enough, the first person they handcuffed was my brother. And as if he wasn't beat up enough, they pinned him to the wall then pushed him down to sit on the curb.

The rest of us were scotch free. We would just go to the car and meet up with them later. But we couldn't abandon the fallen soldiers. After debating, we went back and told the cops that we were just playing. The cops looked at us like we were crazy. I guess we didn't really think out the negotiation plan. We pleaded with them, but they weren't hearing it. I saw our boys in cuffs and kept on talking. I thought one of our guys was gonna cry. The look he gave me said please don't let them take me to jail, please!

The cops finally let them go. We were happy with the results, but it was just a little too crazy for us. I don't think Joel felt the same way though, I think he wanted to go try it out at Cityplace.

No comments: