Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Merry Christmas

Greetings free thinkers! Long time no chat. Where've you been hiding? Well anyways, I've been traveling down the treacherous road of home ownership. Yep, I got in the fast lane of do-it-yourself projects and savvy decor. I even embarked on some furniture building. Note to visitors: don't touch the entertainment center, it'll crash down at the slightest touch.

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukah, Happy Kwanzaa, and Happy New Years. Or I could just say... hmm let me think, oh yeah, Happy Holidays! Happy Fucking Holidays to all!

Keep checking in, 2006 is going to be an exciting year. We have a lot to look forward to, a possible troop withdrawal in Iraq, an extension of the controversial Patriot Act, and best of all, all-new episodes of the O.C. Stay tuned!

Monday, September 26, 2005

Junior's House Party

Friday night, Junior invited me to his pad for a b-day jam. It's not actually 'his' pad, the parents were away for the weekend (yes, very high-schoolesque). I was more unsure about it than Ludacris at a country bar. I called Pablo up and we headed out there.

I was expecting testosterone overkill. A couple of guys sittin on a couch. Maybe a few playing Xbox in the other room. You know, some gay-ass, homosexual bullshit. I was gonna say hi, do some PR, and dip out as soon as no one was looking.

So we pull up and have to park about four houses down because there so many cars around his house. I hear the salsa music from the front lawn. We walk in and the party is jumping off and out and all over the place. Latinos everywhere. And surprisingly about half of them are chicks. And most of them were cuties. I had to get my game-face on. We found our way to the bar (read: the kitchen table) loaded with empty bottles of good liquor and half-full bottles of some questionable shit. It was like 'Jose's Loco Vodka' or something. A real buzzkill until I looked towards the back of the kitchen where a pot of gold, or should I say, keg of gold was sitting silently waiting for me to approach her. She was the most beautiful creature there. No one was getting any beer, so I asked if she was dry already. I got no answer. In fact, I don't think they even knew what it was exactly (I know, veird). Maybe if there was a Corona sticker on the side it would've been different. Alas, she was as wet as Kelly Clarkson's ass at the VMA's. Let the partying officially begin!

After a keg stand, the social lubricant began doing its work. I met a few cuties and did some PR with Junior and his brothers. Everyone was dancing so you know I had to show them how Knight7 works it. Junior came out to the dance floor too. Someone started to chant 'Go junior, go Junior.' And oddly enough, it sounded a lot like him. We realized it WAS him! We were thinking 'who starts their own chant?' I thought it was something your friends did to cheer you on. And he was really getting into it 'Come on yall, go Junior, go Junior.'

And all this while a guy was playing what I think was a musical instrument. It kinda looked like a round cheese grater. And he had what looked like a fork in his hand. I think that's what they played with when Spanish music was first invented back in the 1400's. Spanish people really stick to their roots. I wanted to go outside and get some branches that I could hit together to join the band.

All in all, it was a great success. A multi-cultural partying experience. And a history lesson! All for free. You can't beat that with a bat. Or a branch.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Pablo's Birthday Bash

Image hosted by Actually it was like the fourth or fifth time we celebrated his b-day this weekend. I think he's all birthdayed out. It was like Pablo's birthday weekend bash. Saturday we hit Bradley's, Sunday it was another wild night at Safari, Monday was V-Ball Day, and if that wasn't enough celebration, we went to Resort last night. Yippie!

It was a cool night. We had a good time. The music was bumpin, the chicks were dancing, the drinks were flowing- well... not exactly. Our retarded waittress was too busy gettin wasted to get us our drinks. It's all right, we let her know how we felt when it came time to tip. ;)

The Real World was even out there. Apparently they were evacuated from their filming location: Key West cause of the hurricane. It was pretty weird to see them filming around our hood. I realized that it would almost be impossible for a guy on that show not to get ass. Every chick in the building was staring at the dudes. They could've been lepers and chicks would've just convinced themselves that they were just freckles.

The night ended the perfect way- a fresco melt from Steak & Shake. So here's to many more happy birthdays and happy endings. ;)

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(More pics at Danielle's Photobucket)

V-Ball Day 2.0!

Image hosted by If there was a lesson to be learned from V-Ball Day 1.0, it's that endurance drinking is entirely possible. I did it the right way this time though, start slow; end strong. Everyone got there around one. It was mostly the usual suspects, the Nicks, the Mikes, The A-Team. But the star of the show was the keg. The keg stands started pretty early. Then came the funnel. I was sipping my water and saw the drunkeness slowly coming over everyone. Especially Jose. He went from unfunny, to annoying, to obnoxious, to fucking hilarious.

[Random Jose Line]

Ashley: God, I'm geting drunk.
Jose: So...
Ashley: Well, I work with you guys!
Jose: Really!? Oh shit dude. I think I'm trippin man.

Camilio came through with the grub. He was slaving over the grill the whole day. Big-ups yourself. The chicken kabobs went off like gangbusters. Much better than last time when chef JR cooked up some questionable hamburgers from the mystery meat market. Everyone loved the Jello shots. Well... not exactly. Jello shots are an odd party item. They're cool by design. The idea of having Jello shots is usually better than actually swallowing one. Thats probably why half of them ended up on the floor.

And speaking of having fun. Someone had the bright idea of bringing some nerf-type footballs that can be drenched in water. It was funny at first. But after a while it was a fucking war zone. All the chicks moved out of the way while the guys stayed and tried to take each others' heads off. And you know I couldn't have the girls leave, so I had to can that one. Next someone brought out some little water guns. They filled them with every liquid in the area. Pool water, beer, apple juice, rancid liquor, and who knows what else. It was fun at first, but again, it got way out of hand. You couldn't go anywhere without being ambushed from a thousand different directions. Half the time I didn't even know who was squirting me. I had to can that one too. I got to thinking, is there anything that can be introduced to this party that won't get out of hand? I wanted to bring out a crochet set, but then imagined the guys eventually trying to stab each other in the neck with the needles.

The after party (yeah, we don't know how to stop) at Krissy's was jumping out too. She hooked it up with the pony keg. which lasted about 30 minutes so that was cool.

Camilio hooked it up with the birthday cake. Pablo was happy, so it was a great success. I'm pretty sure everyone had a good time. All in all, I was happy with the turn out. Now, I'm wondering how to top this one. I know! No freakin water guns!


Most obnoxious drunk: Jose. There really is no slight buzz with him. It's either sober or running around screaming racial and sexist epithets.

Hottest body: Heather. That flower bikini fit them curves just right. Nuff said.

Most embarassing drunken moment: Lola spraining her ankle. She was running around being a goof and fell down. Sam tried to pick her up. She jumped up and apparently forgot how to plant her two feet on the ground and busted her ass.

Best body on the V-Ball court: Mike B. The guy must've been keeping up on his crunches. (I'm sure he got some sexy-time with abs like that)

Most annoying couple: JR and Lola. If I hear them fight over something stupid again, I'm gonna hemorrhage. Lola, "Where are you going?" JR"What does it matter?" Lola" Why do have to be like that?" JR"Why do YOU have to be like that?" Somebody shoot me, please.

Most improved: Danielle and Krissy. I guess Vegas exposure did them well. They were looking hot, and surprisingly friendly. It was good to see momma mingling with the common folk. I think she even played some V-Ball. No counter dancing though :( And good looking out ladies with the after-party. Nice bed too.

(editor's note: Turns out the girls got a full keg too. No ponies here.)

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(more pics at Danielle's Photobucket)

Friday, September 16, 2005

Racist Mofoes Get It Crash DVD Review A-

This is one of those movies that is really about something. It has something that it wants to say. Amid the onslaught of mainstream hollywood fare, it is a surprise that such a movie would make the cut. And even with it's virtually unanimous critical praise, it went unnoticed through the multiplex. It has since seen a breath of resurgence as it was released to DVD and made into the shelves of video rental outlets.

As with 'Collateral', Crash captures the vibe of Los Angeles. The characters seemed so true. The script by 'Million Dollar Baby's Paul Haggis, brought each character to life. Their lives intertwine and come together with ironical twists and heart-breaking judgements. I loved it. You won't be disappointed. Easily one of the top ten of the year so far.A-

Some Reviews
The New Yorker
Entertainment Weekly
LA Weekly


Thursday, September 08, 2005

1-0 Baby!

At first I thought driving 5 hours to see a football game is crazy. I was about to tell my brother to forget it. But goddamn it if it wasn't worth it.

We got there in pretty good time. We hung out with some tailgaters. Checked out some of the university bunnies (FSU chock-full of them, *wink wink* MeanGirl582). I even got to do the 'Sink A Hurricane' contest. Where you throw balls at a target and try to sink a guy with a Hurricanes jersey on. I sunk him- after spending like ten bucks of course.

The game was off the hook. Miami was offensively better, but our defense kept them at bay. It went down to the final minutes. Miami got down to the 2 yard-line. They went for a field-goal, but fumbled the ball and couldn't kick. The stadium erupted. I flipped the fuck out. Me Julie is prob the only person that has seen me lose my mind when happy. I was screaming like a madman. I even turned to this cute girl that was sitting by us and gave her the biggest hug. Her boyfriend didn't appreciate it though. I went to give him a high five; I thought he was gonna punch me in the face.

Too bad we couldn't stay for the after-parties- my bro had to work in the morning. I was in such a good mood; I would've probably made an FSU chick very happy that night. Oh well, we got FSU-UF at the end of the season. I never banged a gator before...

Monday, August 29, 2005

Video Madness Awards

MTV still knows how to throw a party- or at least Diddy does. His imagination with their budget made way for one of the best VMA's ever. Anyone doubting Diddy's ego problem, had to just witness his intro sequence to put aside any doubt as to whether his narcissistic personality disorder has completely taken over. Filled with pyrotechnics and a cascading waterfall, by the end of the intro I was expecting him to just have a t-shirt saying, "I am the Messiah. Worship Me."

(MC Hammer performs)

This years show had the most performances in VMA history. Everyone got up there. Even MC Hammer did a remixed rendition of "Can't Touch This." My favorite had to be Ludacris. His band was on point; the look was smooth; and the choreography with the Brazilian and African dancers brought it to another level. Kelly Clarkson sounded terrible- like pigs fucking. But that ass... that chick has one of the nicest asses in pop music.

(Green Day memebers Tre Cool, Billie Joe, and Mike Dirnt)

Green Day picked up the most moon-men. Six trophies in total, including the coveted "Video of the Year." I wish My Chemical Romance would've picked up an award, but at least their performance was nice.

I don't know how they're gonna top this year's show. They might have to have the show actually ON the moon. Or have Green Day perform live from the core of the earth. They're gonna have a camera in heaven so when someone thanks God, we can have a reaction shot from the big man himself. Maybe that'll keep the ratings coming in.

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Quick Album Review: John Legend B+

John Legend's sophomore album, "Get Lifted," in one word: Smooth. This album goes down easy. After hearing his hit-single "Ordinary People," I knew the guy had talent. But after hearing the whole album, I'm sure of it.

Guys, this one is a sure-fire mood setter for that pretty philly you convinced to come over. Especially track 11, "So High." If she doesn't react favorably to that song, then she's a loser and you should dump her immediately.

This guy is good, maybe even legendary.

Monday, August 22, 2005

So how was Vegas?

It was insane. Easily the funnest trip I've ever taken. And the blurriest. Being drunk for a week isn't as easy as it sounds. Dollar Heinekens helped out though. As soon as we got there, the first item on the agenda was find a liquor store. And especially one that wouldn't rape us because we were clueless tourists. We found a good deal and spent wisely. Well, most of us did. JR wanted to buy a whole bunch of bullshit cordials. We need to get wasted; we don't have time for fruity drinks and elaborate shots. He must think he's a real bartender or something.

The clubs were cool. OPM's look was cool. But the music sucked. JR liked it, go figure. Biggest success from there was all the cool pics we took. Light looked amazing. And the music wasn't half bad. Pure was... it was...painful. It was the longest line that I've ever waited in. Ever. For anything. The hottest clubs around here. Disney rides. The DMV. The Hospital! None of those places ever made me wait for 3 hours! I got to thinking, it better be a fucking carnival in there. I want naked women all over the place. A bowl of rolls. And a line of coke for each patron. Holy shit. I couldn't even enjoy it when I finally got in there at 3 in the morning. It looked good though. Too bad I was too tired to enjoy it.

By my birthday on Sunday night, I was already out of money. We got drunk and took some bars. I hate those things. I got drowsy almost right away and went to sleep. Come to find out, I did a lot that night. Pablo was there the whole time, just ask him... on second thought, don't ask him.

The rest of the trip was fun. A lot of the best memories didn't have anything to do with gambling, shows, or cool casinos. It was the guys I went with. Pablo and JR are my roll dogs for real. It was non-stop laughter the whole week. Whether we were teasing each other or people around us, we were cracking up all day long. I could go anywhere with those guys and have a good time. We need to go somewhere else; especially for Pablo. He needs to get out more. I'll tell yall a quickie:

We settle into the hotel and are getting our liquor out of their bags. We realize that we need some ice to chill the vodka and some mixers. So I told Pablo to get some ice from down the hall.
He says, "How much is it?"
"How much is it? It's free you idiot, haven't you ever been in a hotel before." Amateur.

Where we headed to next guys?

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Back From Vegas

Vegas was tight. I'm exhausted. I'll tell you guys all about it laters. I'm gonna take a nap. I should be awake by Saturday.

Saturday, August 06, 2005

OnDemand Movie Marathon

Aren't days off of work and school great! The other day I had nothing to do. My finals were finished (passed with flying colors I might add). And I wasn't scheduled for work. So I sat home and watched a couplebunch of movies. I saw Leaving Las Vegas, The Notebook, The Bourne Supremacy, Friday Night Lights, Cellular, Bad Santa, School of Rock, and I Robot. A marathon for real. Since there were so many, here are some quick reviews.

Leaving Las Vegas: I wanted to see this for a few reasons. First, my mind is already in Vegas so anything that brings me there is wanted. And I've been meaning to see Nicholas Cage in this performance (he won a Best-Male Oscar for it).

It's a crazy movie. And Elizabeth Shue is hot, at least when she's not getting beat up. B-

The Notebook: Every chick is crazy about this flick. I just wanted to see what all the hype was about. It's actually pretty good. Not the greatest love story ever told, but if your girlfriend begs you to watch it don't be afraid, it's not all that bad. Just tell them after the movie, "I would do what Noah did, for you." Guaranteed booty son! B+

The Bourne Supremacy: I took so long to watch this because I hated the Bourne Identity. I thought the concept was great, but thought the movie-makers fucked it up big-time. For the sequel a new director was brought in, and I'm glad he did. It was edgier, funner, and more exciting than the first. Jason Bourne's a bad ass and Matt Damon does it right. One thing though, explosions and chase scenes can't hold my attention for an hour and a half. And twisting and turning plots that have no rhyme or reason don't help either. Still fun though. C+

Friday Night Lights: Not that good. The star player gets injured early on, and the movie skews off a bit, then tries to come back at the end. C-

Cellular: Probably the dumbest movie of the bunch. Maybe the dumbest movie I've seen this year. D-

Bad Santa: Very vulgar, crude, sleazy. And godddamn great. What a funny movie. Everyone's comedy is on the ball here: Billy Bob Thornton, Bernie Mac, the midget, and John Ritter. All hilarious. And the movie has a heart underneath the foul language exterior. B+

School of Rock: I doubted if Jack Black could carry a movie. And everyone's that seen this flick knows he can. The guy doesn't need great jokes or clever setups to make us laugh, he just "is" funny.

One thing though, can we stop the good guys not winning at the end. It's gettin a little old. I know its blowback from years of seeing the good guys win, but it's necessary. B-

I, Robot: Will Smith is a star and can carry a movie. Even one with a goofy plot like servant robots coming together and attacking their masters.

One more rant. Hey hollywood screenwriters here's an fyi: The world is not gonna change that much in 20 years. Sure we'll have new technologies and different styles, but it's gonna look pretty much like what it looks like now. Please get past 1954 when we thought there would be flying cars by the year 2000. It's 2005 and I still have a busted towncar with no a/c. Go figure. C+

Monday, August 01, 2005

I Hate Black People

Well maybe it's not that extreme. But I took that Harvard IAT Test, which reveals hidden biases that we might have. My results showed that I have a "moderate automatic preference for 'Whites' over 'Blacks'." Take the test, see how prejudice you are and don't know it yet.

IAT Race Test

(note: there are 14 tests. I took the religion test too. I favor 'Judaism' over 'other religions.' Go figure. Prob cause I think Christians are brain-dead.)

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Sacha's Crazy

Apparently Borat's really pissing off some more 'Mississippi Gentleman'. I can't wait for the new season! Story

Friday, July 22, 2005

Quick Movie Review: Wedding Crashers C+

They say it's not good to make judgements about a flick before you see it. But I love Owen Wilson. And Vince Vauhn's pretty funny too. So I decided that I liked this movie even before the lights went down. The set up was great. But the director and screenwriter really fucked up the plot. The movie's pretty stupid but the guys still end up being funny. If you read one critic's review read this one. I couldn't have said it better myself.

Chicago Sun-Times

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Band Buzz: Phantom Planet

So I downloaded the theme to the OC to put on my myspace. I got the song and in the mean time realized that the band is not just a one-hit phenom. Phantom Planet is a very good band. You should check 'em out. Lonely Day's tight.

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Winner's Way Tip: Limit The Fidget

Leil's book, Talking The Winner's Way: 92 little tricks for big success has helped me so much with my communication. I'd be remiss to not pass on the knowledge. Here's tip #7


I have a friend, a highly respected headhunter named Helen. Helen makes terrific hires for her clients. I once asked her the secret of her success. She said, "Probably because I can almost always tell when an applicant is lying."

"How can you tell?"

She said, "Well, just last week, I was interviewing a young woman for a position as marketing director for a small firm. Throughout the interview, the applicant had been sitting with her left leg crossed over her right. Her hands were comfortably resting in her lap and she was looking directly at me.

"I asked her salary. Without swerving her eyes from mine, she told me. I asked if she enjoyed her work. Still looking directly at me, she said, 'yes.' Then I asked her why she left her previous job."

Helen said, "At that point, her eyes fleetingly darted away before regaing eye contact with me. Then, while answering my question, she shifted in her seat and crossed her right leg over her left. At one point, she put her hands up to her mouth."

Helen said, "That's all I needed. With her words she was telling me she felt her 'growth oppurtunities were limited at her previous firm.' But her body told me she was not being entirely forthright."


Whenever your conversation really counts, let your nose itch, your ear tingle, or your foot prickle. Do not fidget, twitch, wiggle, squirm, or scratch. And above all, keep your paws away from your puss. Hand motions near your face and all fidgeting can give your listener the gut feeling you're fibbing.

Monday, July 18, 2005

Borat Movie!

The genius and twisted minds behind Da Ali G Show are coming out with another movie. Ali G Indahouse was a wacky trip in the life of Ali, but this time the focus is on everyone's favorite Kazahki reporter, Borat! I'm not sure if it will be scripted or a compilation of set-ups like the show format. Imdb has it listed as in pre-production and there isn't much info on it. Stay tuned for more updates.

Meet Andy Milonakis

He's Schmandy Schmilischnokis, and he's funny as helsinki. The show is basically a half-hour acid trip. You might recognize Andy from his stint as "The Man-Show Boy." Apparently he got with Jimmy Kimmel's production co., bought a camera, and a few acid tabs later, came up with the show. It's probably one of the weirdest and funniest shows on MTV now.

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

The Real World: Austin

Have you been watching this season? It's getting crazy so fast. Hook-ups, Break-ups, and face fuck-ups. And they've been there for about a week so far! Tonight Melinda supposedly hooks up with Wes. Ooh someone's in trouble. Can't wait. Watch it tonight bitches. Here's a preview of tonight's episode: