Wednesday, August 30, 2006

What A Jip!

What the hell is wrong with the weather predicting world! These goofballs warn me that Ernesto is headed STRAIGHT FOR THE FLORIDA COAST! And that we should all prepare. So every goddamn soccer mom and Nascar dad goes and fills up their gas tanks right away.

Good thing I live by the ghetto; where no one wants to even stop at the red lights cause they're so afraid they're gonna get carjacked. I'm not even kidding by the way; people just slow down before the light and ROLL towards it until it turns green, to which they slam on the gas as if there was a cruise missile in their rear view mirror.

So I filled up; get home and see my neighbor putting up his shutters. So now I figure I have to put mine up to. Cause if a hurricane blows by and wrecks the neighborhood, I don't want to be the one lazy douche-bag that didn't protect his investment.

I go digging through the garage for the shutters and finally find a bunch of them. I didn't know how heavy they were so picked one up to test the weight. It was almost weightless. So I figure I can lift the whole bunch all at once, about fifteen total. Oh my god, it was like they turned into cast-iron sheet metal. I couldn't even lift it an inch. So I try to take half. No go. I tried FIVE and could barely get it off the ground. What the hell is with those shutters! It's like the weight is multiplied instead of added on. Or I'm as weak as a twelve year-old girl scout.

And of course there's no damn storm. It barely rained and I'm pissed. I wanted a barrage of debris barreling towards my shutters, to which they would prevail against the storm. It's like I got my army of orcs together and the enemy showed up with elves with no arrows. You win, but there was no struggle. What a jip!

Saturday, August 26, 2006


I just had to throw this in. Have a great weekend!

Taller people are smarter

Fri Aug 25, 5:55 PM ET

NEW YORK (Reuters) - While researchers have long shown that tall people earn more than their shorter counterparts, it's not only social discrimination that accounts for this inequality -- tall people are just smarter than their height-challenged peers, a new study finds.

"As early as age three -- before schooling has had a chance to play a role -- and throughout childhood, taller children perform significantly better on cognitive tests," wrote Anne Case and Christina Paxson of Princeton University in a paper published by the National Bureau of Economic Research.

The findings were based primarily on two British studies that followed children born in 1958 and 1970, respectively, through adulthood and a U.S. study on height and occupational choice.

Other studies have pointed to low self-esteem, better health that accompanies greater height, and social discrimination as culprits for lower pay for shorter people.

But researchers Case and Paxson believe the height advantage in the job world is more than just a question of image.

"As adults, taller individuals are more likely to select into higher paying occupations that require more advanced verbal and numerical skills and greater intelligence, for which they earn handsome returns," they wrote.

For both men and women in the United States and the United Kingdom, a height advantage of four inches equated with a 10 percent increase in wages on average.

But the researchers said the differences in performance crop up long before the tall people enter the job force. Prenatal care and the time between birth and the age of 3 are critical periods for determining future cognitive ability and height.

"The speed of growth is more rapid during this period than at any other during the life course, and nutritional needs are greatest at this point," the researchers wrote.

The research confirms previous studies that show that early nutrition is an important predictor of intelligence and height.

"Prenatal care and prenatal nutrition are just incredibly important, even more so than we already knew," Case said in an interview.

Since the study's data only included populations in the United Kingdom and the United States, the findings could not be applied to other regions, Case said.

And how tall are the researchers?

They are both about 5 feet 8 inches tall, well above the average height of 5 feet 4 inches for American women.

A copy of the paper can be found at

Big News? Big Deal

Someone asked me why I haven't posted about any of the "top" stories this week. Because they are all pretty damn stupid. Let's start the overblown retarded stories of the week!

John Karr

Oh god, if I hear another sound bite of John Karr in his "early" years, I'm gonna hemorrhage. What hairstyle he had; what music he listened to; Dr. Phil to weigh in on how crazy he is; an interview of everyone that has ever met him; Oy vay.

Tom Cruise Gets Canned

So Paramount pictures decided Cruise's antics and bad sinking public image was too much for their business. Okay... go find another damn studio! What's the big deal!? Cruise is represented by CAA, the most powerful agency in Hollywood; I'm sure they'll find him something to do.

The Emmy's

Not so much the show show itself, but it's all the previewing and set up. We know more about the green room that our favorite A-listers are going to be hanging out in than we need. I'm not going to watch, but I hope the Entourage guys do well. And th Office; that's a funny ass show.

Monday, August 21, 2006

New Semester, New Challenge

I'm so happy to be back at school! Well...let me clear that up, I'm glad to be at back at a REAL school. Today was the start of the new fall semester, and damn it, what the hell have I been wasting my time at the Jupiter campus for? The Boca campus is where it's at. It finally FEELS like college.

The first class I walked into, Algebra I, had about a hundred or so people in. I've never experienced that before. We're talking in the back and I'm thinking the prof is gonna get pissed. But then I realize, she's so far away I could stab the kid sitting next to me in the neck and she'll never know. I love the atmosphere. But it remains to be seen whether I'm gonna learn anything. And being as though it's algebra which I failed about 13 times, I better focus. I set a rule: no chasing poony in Algebra. None! (my mojo: "Well...let's discuss this before we make any rash decisions.)

I can't imagine what it would be like at a major division I university. Massive greek parties, nationally televised collegiate sports, insane spring break trips. But for now, FAU-Boca will do. Go Owls. God, I still feel gayer than Andy Dick's asshole saying that.

Saturday, August 19, 2006

Snakes Slide Into The Box Office

"I'm sick of these muthafuckin snakes on this MUTHAFUCKIN PLANE!"

I would've paid the eight dollar admission just to hear Sam Jackson say that line.

Other than Samuel L.'s badassedness, there isn't much to the flick. Snakes end up on a plane and heroicness ensues. Any more thinking about the plot will ruin your experience.

I gotta give some shouts to Kenan Thompson who plays a wise-cracking video-game enthusiast. There wasn't much to his role but he gets a few chuckles out of you.

My only rant is going to be about the theater I watched it at. The next time you're at Regal Cinemas in Royal Palm Beach, go to theater 9 and take a good whiff of the room. It smells like garbage and piss. Old raunchy stank piss! Are the bathrooms that far from the theater that people just can't hold it! What, did some excited moviegoer REALLY not want to miss any parts of the movie so they just went all over themselves!? That place is disgusting!

Ok I'm done. Go see Jules kick some slithery ass. Just not at Regal. B-


Thursday, August 17, 2006

How Much Is Poontang Worth?

Scare Tactics was fun while it lasted. I love how the guy just can't keep his hands out of the cookie jar. Even with a deranged father downstairs, the guy just CAN't say no. It's in our genes. Even staring death in the face, we can not pass up a nice piece of ass. haha
courtesy of

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Bumbling Medics

So you sprain your ankle on the field and need your buddies to help you off. They load you up and, whoops, my bad. "Yea doc it was a sprained ankle at first, but now it's a broken nose and sprained elbow too!" Thanks guys. Nothing

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Don't Bother Trying To Bag Alicia Keys

(Alicia Keys' nasty hairy chest)

The tramp doesn't put out! The pompous prima donna revealed to Sister 2 Sister Magazine (story) that she witheld her cash 'n prizes from her pathetic boyfriend for a year because "my body is too beautiful to be violated by someone who doesn't deserve it." Ick! I'm trying not to upchuck here. Homegirl is not all that. Please, that chick needs to get her head out of her ass and get a whiff of reality.

And what proud red-blooded American male would wait a YEAR to have sex with his girlfriend!? And let me put this into context: they've known each other since CHILDHOOD! It's not like he's some new creep that she's not sure of. She grew up with this guy. If she hasn't figured out whether he's worthy to eat her hairy little coochie by now, she'll never figure it out!

He's probably been getting play from young interns at the record label for the past year. "Oh yeah honey, you wanna wait? That's cool...No, no I don't mind. You're soooo special to me that waiting is no big deal." "Hey cute intern chick, you can suck me off all you want...Oh the lipstick stains on my balls? That's not a problem, that uptight bitch ain't gonna be down there anytime soon."

She's a stuck up cunt, but she can sing her ass off. I seperate the two entirely. Just to illustrate the dichotmy which is Alicia Keys, here are two videos: One showing her conceited ass accepting an award. And another showing her prowess on the piano with Jamie Foxx.

Notice her smug reaction when they call her name, acting like she doesn't know what's going on. And that fat piece of shit that's always with her is even worse than she is! I just want someone to run by and take his pompous knees out. here

And her and Jamie Foxx doing one of the tightest versions of "Georgia On My Mind" I've ever heard.

Black People Are Still Funny

Here's the newest post in our ongoing "Black People Are Still Funny" series. Bubb Rubb and Lil Sis explain the newest craze around town. Whoop Woooop!

Monday, August 14, 2006

Weekend Update

Sorry for the lack of updates last week, I've been running around trying to get done with school and manage some church ish. But hooray, I'm done with another college semester! I didn't do anything and got a B. Man I love FAU. Anyways, I'll be around. In the meantime, enjoy some Flavor of Love 2 clips:

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Chappelle's "Lost Cause Episodes"

So I'm whippin some frat boy's ass in some beer pong and he did the Howard Dean "HIAAAHH!" But he pronounced it "pyahhh!" Then he says, "You know, from Chappelle's Show." I had no idea what he was talking about, so he told me I had to check it out.

I finally caught the episode he was talking about tonight. It's mediocre, at best. What a waste of a great premise. Dave didn't even seem like he was all that into it. I can see why it was cut out of the season lineup. Which brings me to my point: Why the hell are we watching episodes that didn't make the cut??

All skit shows do the same thing. They go out and film as many bits as they can, the good ones stay and the rest are left for the cast and crew to chuckle about. That's all this season of Chappelle's Show is!! A bunch of crappy ass bits that the producers thought we wouldn't want to see. They weren't "LOST!" lol They were rejected.

It's just like when a movie has the dvd with "Deleted Scenes!" Oooh ahh. And what do they always turn out to be. GARBAGE! Crap that was cut out of the movie, not because it was too sexy or gratuitously violent. Cause it sucked!!

That bit could've been sooo funny. Where's my damn remote?

Chappelle's Show Home

How about a clip of when Chappelle's Show was funny.

Thursday, August 03, 2006

The Only World Series I Pay Attention To

Have you been watching VH1's World Series of Pop Culture. I thought I was good at pop-culture, these guys are unbelievable. The finale airs tonight at 10:00. Check it out. site

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Dina Lohan Proves To Have Parenting Defiency

Dina Lohan, Lindsay's 'mom'ager has chided studio executives for giving her daliancing daughter verbal lashing--which she should have done a long time ago. She said Lindsays a "wonderful child" and the letter was "too much." She also offered up the evidence, "There was one day when she was late, and they (director Garry Marshall and costar Jane Fonda) worked the schedule around her." Great! So the solution is for everyone else to cater to Lindsay's lifestyle.

So Lindsay followed her mom's advice and headed to Vegas; AND went to party it up at Hyde.

Dina, when your daughter's washed up and only seen on episodes of True Hollywood Stories, don't say we didn't warn you.

Mel Cries For Help

Mad Mel got out on $5,000 and made use of his free time by checking into rehab. And about 'alleged' anti-semitic remarks; in a public apology released Monday, the red-faced thespian said,
"There is no excuse, nor should there be any tolerance, for anyone who thinks or expresses any kind of Anti-Semitic remark. I want to apologize specifically to everyone in the Jewish community for the vitriolic and harmful words that I said to a law enforcement officer the night I was arrested on a DUI charge."
But what about the female officer at the jail that he harassed? He shouted to her, "What are you looking at sugar tits?" Well, sugar tits, we here at FTOA apologize on behalf of the Mel. Whether your tits are sugary or not, they do not deserve to be heckled by the guy who thought Jim Caviezel would make a good Jesus.

courtesy of