Wednesday, May 23, 2007

What's On TV?

The Idol Finale
Everyone knows Jordin's going to win. After she gets her record deal, the first order of business, Jenny Craig. Man, if her arms were any more flabby they'd be her thighs. She's fat, she's so fat her blood type is Ragu. When a waiter gives her the menu she says "Yes please." She's so fat, her school picture is an aerial shot. She puts mayo on aspirin. When she fell and broke her leg, gravy poured out.

Adventures In Hollyhood
Three Six Mafia wowed everyone after winning an Oscar last year, now we get to follow them in their quest to conquer Hollywood where hijinks ensue. They crack me up. And they're smart too. I like it.

This season's pretty lame. I guess everyone's waiting for some kind of big payoff. Something tells me we're not gonna get it. But we're still gonna watch aren't we. Suckers. All of us!

Coming Soon...

New Hell's Kitchen
Gorodon Ramsey calling cooks dumb cows!? Hell yes. He says stuff every manager feels like saying to inept employees.

Should I Stay Or Should I Go?

We got a lot of decisions to make in life. So how about I give you a concrete way to figure your way through them. Let's learn how to make a decision like a mathematician!

Here is the formula math pros would use for any decision that involves risk. And I use it all the time.


AG-Amount Gained
%W-Probability of Winning
AL-Amount Lost
%L-Probability of Losing

Let me explain: Basically what I do is determine what are the chances that I will win. And then think about how much I can win and how much I can lose. Then decide if I'm going to do it or not.

Still foggy? How about an example:

'Running a red light at two in the morning when the street looks clear'

First, what are the chances that I'll get caught? I'd say, about 5% chance. That means there's a 95% chance that I'll make it. Next is how much can I gain by running the light. To get that I'll make a scale of 1 to 10. 1 being slightly happy and 10 being practically having an orgasm I'm so happy. For running a red light I'd say about 3 since I won't have to wait.

For the last part I have to think about how much I can lose if i get caught. I'll use the 1 to 10 scale again. 1 being like getting pinched in the arm and ten being totally devastating my life. I'd say getting a ticket would be about an 8. So let's plug in the numbers and see what we get:

Here are our numbers:
Amount Gained w a Win- 3
Chance of Winning- 95%
Amount Lost w a Loss- 8
Chance of Losing- 5%

Remember the formula -
(Amount Gained x Chance of Winning) - (Amount Lost x Chance of Losing) = Expected Gain

(3 x .95) - (8 x .05) =
2.85 - .4 = 2.45

If my number is positive I can expect to win in the long run (2.45 EG is a great score btw). So in this case, if I wanted to act by the numbers, I should run every red light I run into at two AM when the street looks clear.

I've used this formula for just about every conceivable situation I've run into. It's kind of hard at first, but nowadays I do it almost subconcsiously. Of course, I don't always act on the numbers, but it always helps me put things in perspective.

Now all I did was scratch the surface. There's a lot of things that can complicate the situation.
If you or someone you know needs help with a big upcoming decision, contact me. I'll be more than happy to help you plug in the numbers and see what a mathematician would do!

Stay Sharp, Stay Happy.

Pictures courtesy of Flickr

Thursday, May 17, 2007

What Are You Afraid Of?

Some guy came to Bruce Lee in a movie and talked about he was afraid of a fight that was coming up. Lee said that he has already lost the fight because he fears his own death. He said that he first has to accept the fact that he could die and then he'll be able to train.

I was thinking about how much impact that same philosophy can have in the regular world. We all have fears that are holding us back. I was afraid of talking in front of people. And I'm not talking about back in the day, this was pretty recent.

When I became choir director at my church I had to say a few words before singing and it freaked me out. Which was weird to me because I knew the people at the church and they really didn't care about what I said. So it made it worse in my mind that I couldn't just get over it. My voice would get all shaky and my heart rate was racing.

I realized that it was fear that was stopping me. Not fear of losing the crowd. But fear of losing my "self." The self that I've tried to build the past few years. Pierre "PR" Lafortune. The guy who had a way with words. The smooth talker who was smart and always knew what to say next. That guy was in danger of being destroyed.

I had to face the death of my ego image. So I said, "Fine." If it's death that might happen, so be it. I "died." I went in front of the people to do my thing and accepted whatever happened. No expectations at all. And whattya know, the fear went away. I was able to be more normal. Of course I didn't speak perfectly, but it was okay.

So with that success I thought about what other fears I was carrying around. I started noticing that a lot of things in my life was ruled by an underlying fear. Ironically, even being a hard-ass was coming from fear. Yelling at people and trying to control things came from a fear of losing respect and power.

So I said forget it. I'm dropping everything. No more fear. So what if I lose power. Who am I to demand compliance from a world that I refuse to comply with.

Things have been very different since. I never dreamed that so much of my life came from fearing death. I feel like I've already died; now I can finally live.

I'm writing this hoping that you'll look at your life and examine it. What are you doing out of fear? And what are you NOT doing because of fear? Whatever it is, die to it. Right now. Let it go!

Free Paris!

Paris Hilton is getting a reduced sentence. And she deserves it. There's no need to make a witch hunt out of this. You meanies just leave my girl alone.

So does that mean I'm defending the media-whore-skank-raunchy-classless-rich-trust-fund spoiled bitch? Yes. Why? Simple, I like her.

And I admire her strength. She gets as much shit as President Bush and she is responsible for nothing more than being herself. People are obsessed with her and she takes it better than anyone else. None of us would last a week with the exposure she has. And for that I give her props. God Speed baby.

Need More Moore?

We haven't heard much about Michael Moore lately. I bet he's working on some crazy ish. He said he was going to take on the HMO's next. I'm sure those bastards have a lot of shady crap going on. Moore is a certified wacko, but he knows how to make damn good documentaries.

No More Melinda

Melinda Doolittle got the boot last night. I say it was just a matter of time. Grownups can see that she's a good singer, but if the kiddies don't love you, you don't have a chance.

Blake's got the pop candy appeal, and he can sing. He should win. Jordin's nice and a ll, but I'm sick of looking at her flabby arms flapping in the wind.

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Weighing In

People who have trouble with their weight probably hate thin mofo's like me.

The past few weeks I've been eating everything in sight. At all hours of the day. Apparently, there's this thing with regular people that they don't eat after nine o'clock at night. God that must suck.

Anyways, so after all that I didn't gain a pound. The Double Whoppers and Dunkin Donuts didn't do a thing.

And to top it off. I started running again last week. I always loved it before but everyone told me not to do cardio. "Ooooh don't run Pierre! You need to lift heavy weights." I HATE weightlifting. When I'm bench pressing I wish the dumbells would just fall on me and knock me out so won't have to do anymore.

Well now, my doctors tell me I have to stay in shape by running three times a week.

And the grand tally after running two times for twenty minutes: I lost 8 pounds! In one freaking week!

I feel good, but damn... I need to trade metabolisms with someone quick before I disintegrate.