The Day I Stomped My Own Flesh And Blood

Did I ever tell you about the time when me and 15 other guys beat my brother up in the middle of Clematis? And found out that cops aren't as understanding as we first think?

When I was about 18 me and a bunch of guys that I knew were hanging out on a Thursday night. We were bored and broke. Which is the worst possible combination for guys, btw. We always come up with bad ideas. I wish the Medical Census Bureau could do a study on how much property damage and bodily injury is caused by guys with no money and nothing to do.

So we started talking about going to Clematis. But no one wanted to just walk around and watch everyone else spend money and have a good time. Somehow we got to talking about fights, and how crazy it would be if someone got jumped. How would the crowd react? Would other guys jump in and try to save the person? So I said why don't we stage a fight? Everyone's eyes lit up. Especially my brother Joel. He was all for it. So he got picked as the innocent victim. Actually, I think he nominated himself.

We plotted the thing out like we were filming a scene for the next summer blockbuster. We started drawing shapes in the sand like the guys from Heat. We would start the chase on the north end of Clematis. The victim will go down in the busiest part of the street. We would beat him down and escape through the east and west ends.

We get to our station and my brother circles around the block to get to his. By this point we are so pumped. The adrenaline is flowing and the fifteen of us were walking like we really wanted to kill someone. People already started looking at us weird.

I didn't see Joel yet. I thought he might've picked the wrong street. But then my cousin Serge screams out, "There he is! Get him!!" My brother screams. We scream. And the entire street stops. We're running and screaming as fast and as loud as we can. The commotion worked perfectly; everyone turned around to see what was going on. Random guys started running behind us to catch up to the action.

We ran and ran but couldn't catch him. He was too fast! Finally, my cousin grabbed him and threw him to the floor. We surrounded him and starting doing the kicking motion. Maybe our adrenaline was going to high at that point because we really started roughing him up. He was squirming in the middle like a raccoon caught in a trap.

Someone yelled out, "The COPS!" There were three of them. I think we can out run them, but damn we didn't think one of them would be on a bike! We started running for our lives. But no one remembered the right exit plan. So we were bumping into each other and scattering like a bunch of idiots.

The cops grabbed as many of us as they could. And oddly enough, the first person they handcuffed was my brother. And as if he wasn't beat up enough, they pinned him to the wall then pushed him down to sit on the curb.

The rest of us were scotch free. We would just go to the car and meet up with them later. But we couldn't abandon the fallen soldiers. After debating, we went back and told the cops that we were just playing. The cops looked at us like we were crazy. I guess we didn't really think out the negotiation plan. We pleaded with them, but they weren't hearing it. I saw our boys in cuffs and kept on talking. I thought one of our guys was gonna cry. The look he gave me said please don't let them take me to jail, please!

The cops finally let them go. We were happy with the results, but it was just a little too crazy for us. I don't think Joel felt the same way though, I think he wanted to go try it out at Cityplace.

Wassup Baby

I'm babysitting today. I picked up my niece last nightand am trying to be a good uncle and take care of her.

I can barely type this post cause she's trying to crawl over the keyboard now.

I don't know how you parents do it.


It's not that's complicated. It's just that it's constant. The baby needs attention like the whole time it's awake. Now everything I do has the extra effort of taking stuff out of the babies hand or mouth.

If you turn your head for like two seconds she'll make a beeline for the nearest sharpest object.

When you hear about kids hurting themselves at home while the parents are there and think wow those people must be messed up. I feel their pain now. It's impossible to watch the baby 24 hours a day and have any kind of life.

And I thought my dog was needy.

Okay... time out. She's screaming now.
(wait five minutes)

Okay she's going to sleep. My house is quiet again. I almost forgot how silent it usually is around here. Ahhh. Peace and quiet... at least until it wakes up again. Take care.





How about some pictures.









img src="http://farm1.static.flickr.com/21/26446838_c88c036ed1_m.jpg">



(all pictures courtesy of Flickr)

The Grossest Woman In Palm Beach County... In My Car!

Chicks do some weird things. I was giving some people a ride home (two cousins, guy-girl) that I had just met. The girl was sitting up front chitty-chatting with me while the guy was in the back on the phone most of the time. They seemed normal and actually pretty pleasant.

Then the girl turned to me asked me some normal question like "where do you go to school" and took her pointer finger and lifted it towards her face. I thought, "No way!" There is no damn way this girl gonna do what I think she's gonna do.

She reaches into her nose. Digs so deep that it lifts her nostrils. Did like a scooping motion. I almost started gag. I swear I almost hit the truck in front of me. Then she did like that finger rubbing thing flicking her nasty ass shit on my floor! I kind of pressed on the brake a little bit like, "Okay, the rides over creepos!" I started thinking, "How does the grossest girl in Palm Beach County end up in MY CAR!" My mind was still trying to process what was going on, and she just looked at me like, "Well, what school do you go to buddy?" Sadly, I don't think she got the message. She was probably thinking, "Maybe he doesn't like talking about school." lol

Anyways, the guy gave me her number. He whispered, "She doesn't have a boyfriend."
Gee...I wonder why.