This Week In Black People: Jena 6

Let's just stop trying to figure out the black race. Seriously, I'm going to call my senator and ask him to institute legislation that bans the nation from trying to figure out, appease, or attempt to make the dark brown race happy.

We coloreds have every chance to succeed that our pale-skinned neighbors have. I'm going to school now and haven't had to pay for all of it. I got hired at a insurance office with no other black employees just by batting my pretty lashes. There's only one place that racism still exists.

In private! That's it. And in no more than groups of two. When nabisco shredded wheat crackers talk to each other they trade black jokes. When their crackerette girlfriends talk to each other they lament about how annoying black people are. No harm, no foul. I remember a white girl who didn't know I was listening say to someone, "Oh my god do you have a comb, I have nigger hair today!" Was I mad? Of course I was. But did I have a right to be?? Hmm... you got to think about that one.

It was her damn house I was in. And if she knew I was there she would've never said it. And plus if I was in a black person's house filled with our people and someone said, "Cracker hair." or "White devil skin." Or ANY variation of any white insult no one would care. In fact, here's an exercise for all black people; try to think of one insult that could be said about white people that would offend a group of our own.

Don't bother, it doesn't exist. But imagine if a white person went into work and said to a group of whites, "some nigger cut me off on 95." Okay, maybe the n-word is just to offensive of a word. What if they said, "some black asshole cut me off." Still someone would have a problem with it.

We're the new Jews. White people love making fun of Jews in private. But they know better than to talk some sh*t about them in public.

Stop racism? Haha, stop racism!? When black people stop shooting people, and talking loud in movies racism will end.

It's not the color of our skin or the baggy jeans; it's the chip on the shoulder and disregard for the law that are associated with it that people hate. If black people really wanted to make a change, they'd separate themselves from the violent rap music and the lawless street culture.

And it's happening. That's what's making it possible for blacks to have careers and become successful lawyers, doctors, and CEO's. It's because there seems to be two types of black people. You have the Denzel Washingtons, the Terrence Howards, and the Tyler Perry's on one side. And you have the O.G.'s on the other. Is one MORE black than the other? Of course not, one is just more of what we need now.



Oh I almost forgot. Here's the story that got me thinking of this post. story

Drinker's Response

Every month or so we drinkers have to listen to the bartenders go on about the woes of bar business. We've heard you complain for a while, maybe you all need to hear what we have to say for once:

Okay so the guy in the nice suit didn't tip you well. Awww you poor thing. Maybe if you got off your ass and made him a drink when he asked instead of flirting with the skank-ass junior college chicks in the corner he would've dropped you a couple bucks.

And please cut the crap about "We see you." "Just make eye contact." Hah! Bull shit. You don't see a damn thing. Especially you guys: if it doesn't have a pair of tits it might as well be invisible. If we didn't say anything we'd be standing there til last call.


So here are the rules bartenders:


#1 - Respect the patrons. This can't be said enough. We go out week in and out spending our money to pay your rent. We could've went to the club next door, but we decided to try you out. Don't give us attitude when we come up to your bar. We came to give YOU money and keep YOUR lights on.

The guys aren't so bad with this one, because they know if they sell out too much we're liable to reach over the bar and put things into perspective for them. But you ladies are unbelievable sometimes. We don't know what makes you think you have a free pass to cuss out everyone that doesn't tip you 50%. Every guy has been disrespected by a female bartender for no apparent reason before. Yes, we know a lot of guys hit on you. You don't have to take it out on everyone else.

Plus, you got on shorts so short that we can see your ovaries and your top is cutting off your circulation, please cut the shit about being 'bothered' all the time. (And we see those stains on your shirt btw. You wore the same one last night and the night before that. The club ain't that dark honey.)


#2 - If you can't remember the order, right it down. We even warn you sometimes. "Hey I got six drinks for you." "Ok," you say. "You sure?" "Yea go ahead." But of course what's gonna happen? We wait ten minutes and you come back with five drinks; and two of them aren't even close to what we asked for. Pay attention or grab a pen.


#3 - If you can't handle a rush, work the day shift. Stop standing their like a deer in the headlights. Yes, you are busy, what were you expecting. It's not your first day. You're moving in slow motion while the bar's piling up.

Listen, if someone's not ready, just move on. Problem solved. Don't sit there for twenty minutes talking to the frat guy who's trying to get you to make some random shot called the Optimus Prime that he and his buddies made up while smoking out. Just move on!


#4 - Reciprocate. Your rules say that you'll remember us when we tip big, but you never do. We hook you up and you don't even look at the tip. You just throw it in the bin and ignore us like everyone else when the next round comes along. We will gladly take care of you up if you do the same.


#5 - Don't get wasted behind the bar. Some guy wants to buy you a Jager shot? Cool. The big spender on the end wants to hit up some Patron with you? Okay. But don't be surprised when you're stumbling around getting yelled at by everyone cause you keep forgetting what they ordered and giving the wrong change back. Bartenders claim to be able to drink anyone under the table. Well fine, but why don't we wait til after hours to prove your mastery, ace.


Finding a good bartender is just as important as finding a good tailor or barber. And the qualities that are needed are about the same. We just need a cool person who knows what they're doing. When we get along things can go very well for the both of us.

So maybe we're all not gonna be holding hands and singing Kumbayah. But if we respect each other's situation and act accordingly we'll all be much better off.




**Repost this if you agree**

Have You Seen This Video?

Alanis Morisette's new video is THE most viewed clip on Youtube. It's apparently a joke/satire/social commentary where she covers The Black_Eyed Peas' "My Humps." She slowed it way down and goofs off in the video.

It's pretty boring, and really corny.

I got pissed though when I saw all the comments. 7000 of them are up as of last check. The things people say really make me wonder about the mental health of our nation.

People are saying things like; "She's a visionary" "Brilliant" "Way to show how North American/Canadian girls are so whatever..." "It's just a joke, people!"

Yea we know it's a joke you f@#$! moron! But it's NOT FUNNY!! I thought that was a requirement of jokes!? That they require some type of HU-MOR.

Okay so she slowed a song down and ragged on it. OMG!?! That's sooooooo brilliant! Somebody get me a damn moon man for MTV, this is solid f**%# gold!!!

IT'S DUMB!!!

I can slow ANY dance song from the past and make it sound like that stupidest thing in the world. Does that mean that they shouldn't have been hits? Does it mean that they were irresponsible in their portrayal of the complex landscape of American culture? OF COURSE NOT! It doesn't mean anything!!

Do they think Fergie and the Black Eyed Peas were giving a personal testimony of reality as they see it? OR were they JUST HAVING FUN!

I know, I'm going to sing the "Thong Song" realllllly slow and show everyone how it portrays the female in a negative light and adds to the ever increasing tumult between the sexes. WooooooowWee! That's brilliant!

In this case Alanis wasn't a visionary; SHE WAS CORRR-NEEEEEE!

Come on Pierre, it's just a joke. It's JUST a joke. It's just a joooooooooke! If I hear another moron say that line as if it exempts people from offering anything of value I'm going to flip my lid. I know it's TRYING to be a joke! I get it. BUT it's not FUNNY!

"She's just kidding." Someone said. Again, looking for exemption.

So you mean to tell me that if someone said, "Your mom is a stinking cunt and I hope she dies tonight while being anally raped with a tire iron." And then follows with, "Oh I'm JUST KIDDING. Come on, don't be mad. IT'S JUST A JOKE!" That should clear them of everything they said right!? "Ohhhh, YOU JUST don't have a sense of humor." I've heard that one too, as if it's supposed to be MY FAULT now that it's not funny!

That phrase doesn't mean anything anymore. And you'd be just as stupid to say something in hopes that "I'm just kidding" or "It's just a joke" will save you.

Alanis, get a life. Why don't you go back to making videos naked on the subway.