What A Night

So we decided to go all out for Danielle's birthday. We rented a Hummer stretch limo, and invited 15 people from work to go out with us to celebrate. We got a bunch of beer and liquor, and warmed up at Hutter's. After about fifteen beer funnels and two renditions of Pieces Of Me on the guitar, we hopped in the limo and got the party started. The liquor was flowing and everyone was psyched and ready to have a good time.

(Pablo cheesing, and Geary rapping- well trying to rap)


(Kiersten, Janelle, Erla, and Pablo having a good ole' time)

We got to Club Safari and were greeted by a line reaching the entrance to the hotel. If you're not familiar with the club, there were about 150 in line. Apparently a fight broke out last week and the police and fire marshal showed up. The marshal saw that the club was over capacity and this week he was standing at the front door making sure that once capacity was reached it would be one-out one-in.

Pablo and I asked Brent to hook it up. He didn't do shit. He walked in the club and forgot about us. It was a fucking melee out there. Luckily, Shannon knew one of the bouncers, and he told us that we could get in if we bought 3 bottles at $50 each. We agreed and started filing in there. The crowd went from pissed at the employees, to pissed at us. And Chris tried to help by screaming out to them, "Haha, have fun in the line!"I had to grab him before he said anything inflammatory. Some gibronis tried to sneak in with our posse, and I had to regulate. This girl was slipping through and I said "Bitch, I don't know you. Get the fuck back." She was like, "Oh I'm sorry." I wanted to pop her in the jaw. But then I thought, "Damn, I'd be doing the same thing if I was her!"

So we get in, ready to party. I found everyone and saw what looked like arguing. I couldn't believe it. I was ready to chill and have a good time. The hostess did exactly what I feared. They told us that we would have to pay $220 per bottle, and buy three of them. And the chick was talking to us like we were shit. Shannon got into it with her. Next thing I know I see about five cops heading towards us. The bitch points to Shannon and the cops start pushing her out. The bitch said Shannon pissed her off and can't come back. I couldn't leave her out there, so I told everyone to get back in the Hummer.

We walk outside and everyone starts laughing at us. They were, "Ahh, did the bottles not work for yall." And, "Have fun in the limo!" Assholes. And again, Chris tries to make the situation better by yelling back at them. We get back in the limo all bummed out. JR and I knew that we had to put something together. JR proposed Cheetah's. Everyone agreed.

Cheetah's ended up being closed. Closed for Easter! Who the fuck do they think they're impressing. Is God gonna forget about all the debauchery because the strip club owners can get a conscience one day a year. Whatever. So we headed to Diamonds.

JR and I get out first to talk to the parking attendant and the door girl. We pay for everyone like the fucking babysitters we are and start a tab. With MY fucking card and i.d.! Everyone starts drinking and having a good time. The bartender was giving us shit but we knew we had to get drunk. But, of course, I wasn't able to just enjoy myself. Jenni wanted to go home.

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. All of us are out together and this depressed skirt wants to bail! By that point, I just wanted to go back inside, so I sent Joey, the limo driver, back to JR's to drop her off so she could go home and slit her wrists. So I went back into the club to seehave some massive babylons in my face.

So after two Liquid cocaine shots, and two heinekens I went to the bartender to check the tab. $380. I told her, "Stop it. Stop the fucking drinks. If any of these leaches ask you for another drink you tell them to go fuck themselves!" I go around to get some money and everyone starts with that I spent it all shit. "Fuck you bitch! Cough up $20 bucks, NOW!" We collected some money, then finally paid the tab. And we didn't tip the bitch much either. Cunt.

It was about 3:30 and we only paid for the Hummer til 4:00. So Mr. Nanny had to gather everyone together. "Get on the fucking bus, bitches." We pick up an eighteen pack, and are all wasted by this point. The ride back home was a fucking blast. I even made out with Erla (and I didn't suck her tit, no matter what you hear). I have no idea why. But she tasted so good on my lips at the moment.

We get back to JR's house and sent Joey off- with a great tip I might add. I was so exhausted by that time that I just went upstairs and found a spot on the floor in the seargent's room. Apparently, everyone kept drinking and got naked and went down to the pool. Cops came and everyone went back inside, made out, then passed out. Great!

If you ever have burning desire to punish yourself by inviting 15 of your closest friends to a night out on the town in a stretch limo, please just bang your head against a brick wall for a couple of hours. Because that's exactly what it will feel like. I gotta say, it was worth it though. Danielle said it was a great birthday gift. And everybody made the best of the night. And it gave me joy to know that because JR and I bore the burden of the logistics through-out the night, they didn't have to. And guess what, Jose's birthday is tomorrow! Now if I could just find Joey's number.


(Everyone at JR's house)


(JR, Me, and Chris. I think we're losing the seargent)


(Shannon, Danielle, and Krissy all dolled up)


(Look at Geary's pearly whites)


(Get this guy another drink)


(Aww, they're soo cute)


(Shannon getting molested)


(Smooth operator)


(Just in time for the strip show)